We're in a Band (Joshler)

Cole

"Coming back to this album I made a couple years back, I thought I was drowning in pain, I thought there was no way of coming out of the dark, everything was agony and sleepless nights, I-I've never told anybody on what this album means for me and who it's dedicated to..." Tyler's high pitched voice cracked, he wanted to continue but the tight knot in his throat refused to let him keep going, his heart started pounding 100 bpm, his dark brown eyes started to crystallize, he squeezed his eyes to stay strong and so he continued. "When I was in High School I had a best friend named Cole, he would always defend me when the "cool" guys at my school would steal my lunch, throw me down the stairs, call me faggot, make me feel like a worthless piece of shit, they made high school a living hell, and everyday I would come home and greet my family as if I would've had an amazing day at school, I told them I had a lot of friends, I never wanted to break my momma's heart, so I always faked a smile, I didn't want them worrying about me, I was a big boy, and I had Cole that always had my back." He stopped for a moment looking at the ground and squinted trying to remember more details.

 "He used to play drums, I always admired how talented he was, and...I had possibly a tiny ginourmous crush on him...I mean, I've never like labeling people, so I don't think I could consider myself gay, if that were the case then I could be bisexual. Anyway, he was such an amazing human being, not only to my persona, but to the whole rest of the world. He would work hard to maintain his mom and younger sister, his father abandoned them when he was 13, he used to get beaten up just so his dad wouldn't hurt his precious girls.
After school he had two jobs, one of his jobs was as a bartender at nights, all tho he couldn't drink he would be an expert on to preparing some alcoholic drinks. He would also raise money by organizing small events for college students where he would use his bartender skills and prepare drinks for the alcoholic students, and that money would go to some foundation of his choice, he didn't pick one specifically 'cause he wanted to help everyone." he played around with his fingers and smiling at himself, he sighed so deeply that his little smile vanished.

"I don't know what was it about him that I liked him so much, and maybe it wasn't even about me being gay, I was just so attracted to his beautiful soul, the way he always protected me with his life, reassuring me that I WAS worth it, and that I had a very important mission in life, that I had to stay alive and be strong, he made me feel loved and needed. He was a very good looking guy also, he was about 6'1, he had fair skin, his hair was brown and he had a side part fringe that was a just a little wavy, he had big beautiful green eyes and multiple small moles all over his face. I was addicted to looking at his face while he wasn't watching, I don't think he ever caught me, I would've been so embarrassed if he did...I never revealed that I had a crush on him ,never told him how much he meant to me, that he too was an important human being and that he was my savior, he always saved me from the jerks at my school, but he also protected me from the worst of all... myself...Sometimes my panic attacks would hit at school and I would go hiding to an empty class room and everything was always a blur, the next thing I knew he was there, holding me. I just wish I could've been there for him too, I wish I would've told him all that he meant for me, how much I loved and care about him, I didn't realize that he also needed to be saved!" he broke into tears clenching his fits and then lowering his head to hold on to it, wanting to rip his hair out, trying to stop the bitter memories that were now invading his mind.

"I'll never forget that day..." 

A YEAR AGO

It was 4:00 a.m and his sister called me crying and yelling, I couldn't understand a word she said, but I didn't have to, I knew something was terribly wrong, without hesitation I drove over to his house. When I got there my face was illuminated by red and blue lights, there was an ambulance and some cops parked there, I was shocked and didn't know what was going on, I felt my heart drop, but I didn't move, I just watched as they shut the back door of the ambulance. I then realized something terrible had happen, I ran to their front porch and the officer said I couldn't come in, Scarlett, Cole's younger sister told them to let me in, she said it was okay, so they did. I asked her what had happen, and her eyes were so puffy she barely even looked at me, she couldn't articulate a word. I took her by the arms and made her look at me so she could tell me, I couldn't wait any longer I was already having a panic attack."  

"Cole...Cole took some sleeping pills...he took to many sleeping pills while he was taking a bath" she had stopped crying but while remembering the event she bursted out crying, sinking into Tyler's chest. "I woke up at 3:30 a.m to go to the bathroom and I saw that the light was on, and I just thought that mom or Cole were using the bathroom, so I knocked on the door and didn't get a response, so I went to my room and waited a few minutes and came back, and the light was still on and I insisted on knocking, it was weird...So I went to mom's room and she was sleeping, and then I started to have a shaky feeling about it and I was actually scared to go to Cole's room, I opened the door trying not to make any noise but when I fully opened the door he wasn't there. So I ran back to the bathroom knocking even harder calling out his name, my mom woke up and asked what was wrong and I told her that I thought something was wrong, Cole was in the bathroom, locked up and he wasn't answering, my mom panicked and she went down stair to look for the bathroom key..." she held on to Tyler's body still sinking her tears into his chest. "Ty...he was underneath the water, and wasn't breathing anymore, my mom held him in her arms, pleading for him to wake up, but that never happen, that's when I called you."

Tyler's body froze, he wanted to hold Scarlett's and be strong, but he fell to the floor and now it was Scarlett who was holding him. He didn't cry in that moment, he was paralyzed and could not believe what she was saying. "Did...did he leave a note..?" Scarlett's face looked a bit puzzled and Tyler gave her the same look. "What?" he said. "I don't know, I haven't checked or looked for it, this has all been too much...do you wanna go up stairs and look for it, Ty?" He nodded and headed upstairs. He searched the whole room and there was no luck, he headed back down. "Did you find it?" he nodded. "I think I should get going, tomorrow is going to be a long day." She hugged him tight and they said goodbye.

"I wrote 'Taken By Sleep' the first few nights Cole passed away, I had not slept at all the first few nights, and I just had to let it out of my chest, I was broken, my best friend, my first love was gone for ever. I wanted to sing this song to my friend, I wanted to listen to the things I was creating, even when he was gone, he still inspired to be something important."