Hypocrite

Reality sucks.

Deku pov.

"Kacchan..." I say with a slight quiver to my weak and strained voice.

He holds me tighter and responds with a simple stern voice.
"Did he show up...do you need me to beat him up again? I swear to go-" I shush him with a look and he lets go of me.

"Just...leave it kacchan..." I'm honestly tired, I just want to go home and lay down. I'm still coming down from my swirling mind. I still can't grasp the reality around me.

Kacchan hurt me. Noah hurt me. Why do I always forgive those who hurt me? I don't need to feel this way if I could just let him go and work on healing myself I could somewhat recover, but I know that even if he abandons me again I won't ever leave him. He's left his mark on me and I'm not going anywhere as long as he still wants me.

Am I just that fucked up?

There's no time to think now. I have to live in the now. Right now my job is to go up on the pole and entertain my fans...I'm not supposed to worry about me.

I have to make money for my mom...not for me...I have to ignore Noah for kacchan...not for me...and I have to dance for these people...not for me.

It's not about me.

'It's about everyone else, so stop being selfish.'
I repeat the mantra in my head over and over until the unbearable squeezing in my chest disappears and I suddenly feel back to my normal self.

I'm fine...

I take a deep breath and look kacchan in the eyes with my signature calming and sweet look.
"I'm fine, just nervous about going onstage."

He seems to relax and nod to my excuse. His lips twitch as if he's trying to pass me a smile but he's still tense so it's comes out very tame.

"I have to go backstage now but will you please wait here until I'm done." I look him in the eye but quickly avert my gaze down as he nods before giving me a quick but passionate kiss while I depart.

Kacchan loves me. At least I think he does. He always touches me so passionately with love and caresses me so lovingly and soft. Only someone filled with pure unadulterated love could be so passionate. Maybe this time he'll stay...we'll grow old...adopt kids...start a life together and finish it together...

I almost hit myself in the head at the thought. Kacchan would never do that with me. I just need to enjoy him while I have him. But eventually he'll leave me like everyone else...until then I will soak up every ounce of adoration he gives me with content.

When it's time for kacchan to leave...I'll have to deal with it then...

I take a deep shaky breath as I line up behind the curtain, waiting for the signature call from the DJ to walk out and start my routine.

Welp...here you go...another chapter that's a few months late. Oh well...

Hope you enjoyed and I just want to thank everyone that has stayed with my story and for those who vote for every chapter. You guys are great and you make my day. 😘😘