Prologue

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     Sometimes I sit and think to myself why I even bother to allow myself to be so drawn to little things. It's like my whole perspective changed of almost everything. Like my whole entire mindset and innocence has vanished into thin invisible air like it was never there. Love has changed, friendship has changed, I myself has changed. I can't help it, I don't associate with any of my old friends.
     Why? I don't know I mean I guess I don't have a reason not to but at the same time there isn't a reason for me to. I guess that's the point. Also me knowing that going back to the past weighs you down from moving forward to the future though I tend to repeatedly flake on listening to my own advice anyway. I give great
advice to a certain extent. But like me and everyone else no one follows their own advice.
    Fair enough right? So the point of all of this is well... I always would try my best to make everyone around me happy but not worry about myself. I still tend to do that at some points but I've been more careful with my decisions. Somewhat at least. And yet I still sit and wonder every day why I do the same stupid shit to myself and then I remember 'oh right I'm in love with a dick head' I don't really think that I just think I fell for him for all the wrong reasons.
And he acts like love is bullshit, and relationships are even more bullshit. And I'm sitting here still thinking like 'well shit I still love him so what the fuck...' and all over again I get my itty bitty heart broken. It doesn't matter to him but it matters to me. It always has...

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