The girl who tried

Epilogue

  I THOUGHT ABOUT IT LONG AND HARD to be honest. Second chances are hard and rare to earn. If you truly love a person and you want to be with that individual for real and there's a fuck up in between I myself would give that person a second chance, to make things right so that we ourselves can be alright. When it becomes to that moment in time where nothing is guaranteed and still have to continue to keep your head up about shit can be well... shit sometimes. I loved him... I really did. But it wasn't enough to keep us strong considering we no longer talk anymore.

     So no more smiling when his name lights my notifications, no more seeing him, no more me and him period. No second chance, no more of anything. But I also came to realize that it didn't hurt me as much as I expected it to. The first time yea it nearly killed me... and it took me months to partially recover. This time it was almost like my heart expected impact and didn't react too much to break down again. I can't say I don't miss him but at the same time I'm honestly grateful as well. Because now I know that he wasn't as motivated to try again as I was. That he wouldn't of risked anything to get me back.

     While I was actually telling him how I still felt about him, he was swallowing his feelings down acting like they weren't there anymore. Honestly as ducked up as that sounds... I don't blame him. I went through hell, crying,  breaking down just with the thought of him. Now it's like it'll make me sad and I'll feel the tears trying to come up but it doesn't. Which is progress. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. Tried to keep faith... but knowing everything that lay hands on and start to like never works out for me and just like that my happiness falls down a drain and I'm back to square one. Yes I can admit I miss him though, but honestly I miss me before I met him more...