The girl who tried

***

    "You have to let him go Autumn. All your doing is hurting yourself every time you think about it."
"I know Austin. But you can't just automatically erase feelings for someone. There's no control alt delete button for events in life."
"I noticed. I just don't know how to help you that's the point I just want you to be happy."
"That won't be for awhile though. Unfortunately."
"Well yea I know it's not gonna be a walk in the park but just what I'm saying is that you need to get over it. He doesn't care I do though."
"You sure you're not just saying that to get to me...?"
"Why would I do that?" He asks concerned.

"How would I know?" I asked agitated.
"I'm just saying Autumn. Have you honestly seen yourself? You're totally stressing yourself out over a fucking boy that doesn't give two fucks about you! I'm standing literally RIGHT here in front of you trying to help you trying to show you I care and you're just shrugging it off like I'm not even here. When you get your heart broken don't come crying to me."
"Oh what good best friend you supposedly are... please just leave me alone." He sighed and walked off as I sat there in my silence wanting to just cry all over again, but holding back my tears. What do you do when you're entire world completely crashes in front of you with every blink? What do you do when the pain is too overwhelming and too much to handle at one time?

     "You don't look okay?" I look up and try to fit in a slight smile but doesn't quite work. A look of concern fills his face as I sit there lonesome. He was cute, seemed sweet but doesn't catch my attention at lease not now.
"You alright?" He asked.
"Yea... just thinking." I speak lowly.
"Well you must be thinking awfully hard about something to make it seem like you're about to break down into tears. Do you wanna talk about it, doesn't look like I should leave you here alone anyway."
"Didn't think anyone would notice."
"I did. I didn't think someone as pretty as you should be feeling down. You look so much better when your off smiling and laughing being happy."
"So you always have your eye on me?"
"I'm just observant. So tell me what has you down without a smile on your pretty little face."
"A lot, and nothing. I don't know... it's complicated."
"What isn't?" He asked. He smiled at me which was nice to see so much joy in one person. Whether if he's hiding what he really feels. He could be a really happy person but I wouldn't know.

His company was helping while it lasted.
"Yea I guess you're right about that one."
"Yea life can fuck it up like that. And I'm David by the way and you are?"
"Autumn."
"A pretty name for a pretty lady." I smiled a little because of the way he said it.
    "There's that smile I was looking for. Keep it if looks good on you." He smirked and bowed playfully.
" I shall be on my way but I hope that you feel better and whatever that's bothering you stops bothering you so that you can smile more. I'll see you around."
   "Thanks." He smiled.
   "Anytime." And just like that he walked off. I didn't see any good out of thinking the way I was thinking. Once that distraction went away all of those thoughts came rushing back as if they never left. I sighed waking up to my dorm room locking the door behind me, running the hot water in the tub letting it run. I brought my speaker, phone, my razor kit with me to the bathroom stripped naked and sat in the tub looking towards the ceiling trying to drown my thoughts out with the loud music rushing through my ears. I closed my eyes and sunk further into the water.
                                ***
     "I would totally fuck that dog." Justin said out of nowhere I looked at him and laughed.
     "You are so weird."
     "I know but you love me." He boasted.
     "That's something you're right about." He smiled and kissed me I pulled him closer as I kissed him back. He pulled me in tighter slowly climbing on top of me and I fell backwards in his arms.
      He ran his hands all up and down my body turning me on as his embrace got closer and closer, our bodies rubbing on each other. His hand moves onto my breasts as he moved down to kissing my neck and more and more my body wanted him... wanted it more. He sat me up and removed my shirt and bra with only my bare breast showing.
     I took his shirt off afterwards. He looked at me and smiled.
    "You are so beautiful, you know that?" I smirked a little bit.
   "If you say so."
   "I know so." He tackled me and started kissing me again I kissed him back he worked his hands down towards my waist with his lips to follow. He undid my pants and slowly pulled them down along with my underwear leaving me completely naked. Teasing me he kissed my inner thigh and worked his way up until he reached my pussy then started eating me out.
     I laid back moaning as he did loving the way his tongue moved in all the right places getting me wetter and wetter as he went on. Soon after slipping two of his fingers inside of me continuing to eat me out. As he was doing that I was thinking about having his babies and building a family with him. This was what I wanted everyday for the rest of my life with him. He just meant everything to me. He was everything to me.

     I opened my eyes sighing coming back into reality but my pussy still wet through the water. I was horny. Depressed. And irritated. I went into my razor kit and pulled out a small razor from inside twirling it into one palm of my hand. I thought about it... thought about cutting but it wasn't necessary. I was just lonely. The shit sucks. I put the razor down, played with my pussy until the feeling went away, washed up got out and got dressed.
My was ringing I checked to see who it was the caller ID said "Best Friend" and I hung up. Didn't feel like talking, not after today. Next thing you know we'd be arguing about it all over again and I'm not with it. The negative energy vibe shit blows me.