You're My Brother

Day 852- Quiet Contemplation

   Comet had been gone from his life for only a matter of hour. Seven to be exact. After he had returned to The Home, he was instructed to take a bath, come down for lunch and then take it easy until Mr. Clark would meet with him to discuss what exactly had happened. Keith had explained the events of the last few days, and even talked about what Jacob had done to Comet.
   It was a complete accident, it wasn't done on purpose, but for Keith, he believed it was. But at the same time, he knew it wasn't. He was furious and distraught, and had so many other thoughts and emotions that were confusing his logical thinking. Nothing made sense to him anymore.
   As he lay on his bed, waiting for the sun to set, he couldn't help but revert to his mind. A dangerous place. He began to blame himself, blame Jacob and Sarah. It was everyone's fault. Even Comet's.
'I should've been holding tighter to the leash...' he thought 'it's my fault... But Comet shouldn't have run off! He should've— But Jacob never like my dog... He did it on purpose. Sarah set me up...'
   It didn't matter how he spun the story or where he placed the blame, the truth was that Comet was dead. Comet was gone and he wasn't coming back.
   It hurt to accept the truth. The fact that no one was to blame, the fact that Comet wasn't coming back, the fact that he had lost his best friend, the fact that he was now utterly alone. Again.
   No parents to comfort him, no friends to talk to, no pet to cheer him up. Nothing. Just him and his mind.
   The sun slowly began to hide behind the horizon, the warm orange colors of his room slowly fading to a cool blue. And then, after a long while, darkness.
   He tugged on the metal string on the lamp next to him, and it turned on. Its faded yellow light illuminating the space around him.
   It was odd being in a room with two beds and never sharing it with anyone else. He did at one point have a roommate, but that didn't last long. He knew the other boy for maybe a month before he had disappeared.
   That was two years ago, and no matter how hard he tried to remember who it was, he just couldn't. Keith had blocked out the boy's face and name from his memory completely. Of course, he could just ask the staff what the kid's name was, but it really didn't matter to Keith who he was. It didn't matter to him anymore.
   But something inside him had a strange feeling. A thought. An idea that if this other boy was still here, maybe Keith wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe he would be able to function like a normal human being. If his roommate was still here, and not at some boarding school for geniuses, maybe he'd be able to tell him how he felt and possibly get some advice.
'No...'
   Keith shot down the idea almost as quickly as it had come to him. It was a terrible idea.
'You know you can't open up to others! Everything you ever care about leaves you! Comet! Dad! M—'
   His mother.
   Did he care about her? Did he want to meet her? Did she love him? Why did she leave him?
Nothing made sense anymore.
Even if it never had made any real sense to him, it certainly could not make sense to him now.
   'Why did she leave? Did she not love me? Did she not want me...? Am I really that terrible...? So terrible that my own mother hates me?'
   Keith felt a wave of emotions crash into his mind, completely distorting his thought process. He was angry at his mother, he thought she never loved him. This same reasoning made him sorrowful. But he was also glad that she had left, he wouldn't have wanted to be raised by someone who didn't care about him. Right?
'But she's my mom.... There's no way she didn't love me...' He went with this thought for a while and began coming up with theories and possibilities as to why she left. 'Was it something I did...?'
   He huffed in annoyance, rolling over onto his side, slamming his forehead against the wall by accident. Keith winced in pain, scrunching up his nose and shutting his eyes to take the pain away. The accidental injury just added to his upset. It was different from rubbing salt in a wound, similar, but still very different. It was really just another annoyance to add to this messed up situation.
'Why do I even bother...?' He asked himself. 'I'm never going to know... it'll just make things worse anyway... Mom never cared about me or Dad. Jacob killed Comet and I am destined to be alone...'
Keith took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. It didn't work too well, but it also didn't fail completely.
After a long, long, long while of sitting with his thoughts, he became drowsy. He turned off the lamp next to him and curled up on the small orphanage bed, the old springs creaking under his body, and for once, he was glad he heard that noise. He was back to his norm. Still, this norm was terrible, but anything is better than living with two people who you never even met until the day they took you away.
Anything and everything is better than living in the same house as the person who ran your dog over with their stupid, fancy car.
The last thought that crossed his mind was a happy one. At least more cheerful than those that preceded this one. Keith smiled just a little as he thought about Comet and all of the cute and dumb things he did. The adorable ways he'd ask for attention, his clumsy run. How much he'd try to keep Keith as happy as he could be.
Keith felt calm. At least until he subconsciously sat up, reaching to the space between his thighs and feet for his dog when there was nothing there.
The emptiness of his bed changed his emotions faster than the speed of light.
He threw his head down on the pillow, groaning and moaning, like a child being made to go to the grocery store.
It will definitely be hard, adjusting to life without Comet. He may have only been with Keith for a few months, but the two were best friends, they were inseparable. It'll be a challenge, but he's done it before. Twice. Once when his mother abandoned him, and once when his father passed away. Surely he can do the same for a dog.