Open Your Eyes (Cashby)

Chapter 22

ALAN'S POV

"Alan!" My father exclaimed, pulling me into a huge hug. It filled my body with warmth, and I wrapped my arms around him. He was a bit taller than me, and it made me feel like a little boy. In a good way, though, like thinking back to childhood.
"Hey, dad." I smiled, and a little tear rolled down my cheek. Of course I was being emotional. My mom watched from a few feet away, just observing. She didn't smile, but folded her arms across her chest instead. Dr. Wheeler walked up to us, a grin spread across his face.
"Roger, it's good to see you again." He greeted, grasping my fathers hand in a firm handshake. "I have some things to discuss with you and Janet, and it'll only take a little while." He smiled, leading my parents back to his room. It was strange, watching them walk that hallways that I'd walked everyday for so long. "Alan, you can go get your things and bring them to the common room." He called back to me. Nodding, my stomach rolled in nerves. It was early in the morning, and I believe Jake was still asleep. My plan was still to be put through, though.
Making my way along the corridors, I reminisced about my times spent here. It had been... healing, for me. It had definitely been for the better, even though I'd only wanted to come home for so long. Blair Ridge Psychiatric Institute would always be a part of me, I suppose. At least it wasn't a painful thing that I'd have to drag along with me for the rest of my life.
Upon entering my room, I saw my roommate, his mouth slightly agape, little snores tumbling out. My heart swelled, and I climbed into his bed for a goodbye.
"Wha- fuck, Alan?" He muttered, eyes opening slowly.
"I'm leaving now." I whispered, and he dragged my body under the covers, holding me tightly to his chest.
"You can't leave if I never let go." He mumbled, voice sleepy and small. I giggled, but snuggled closer. He watched me, smiling. "We'll see each other again." He stated, and I nodded. For a moment, we weren't people in a mental health facility. We were just two boys, our eyes closing and lips meeting softly. His hands gripped my back, and mine the back of his neck as we explored each others mouths. How this was a friend kiss, don't ask me, because the answer was... wordless. There was nothing logical I could use to explain my relationship with Jake. It struck me suddenly that I didn't know his last name.
"Jake?" I pulled away quickly. He hrumphed in a disappointed way.
"What?"
"What's your last name?" I asked hurriedly. He shot me a crooked grin.
"Mathews." We kissed again, slower this time, and I pulled away, rolling out of his bed.
"I love you, Jake." I said, writing down my phone number on a piece of paper and leaving it on his dresser. He stood, wrapping his arms around me again into a long, tight hug. It filled me with sadness, but happiness too, somehow. I wouldn't be leaving him behind; this, right here, this goodbye was only for now. If we had the rest of our lives, this time we'll spend apart will only seem like a moment.
"I love you, too. Good luck out there, little guy." He smiled, and I grabbed my things. Only one bag, to be precise. It was all we were allowed to have in here.
Wandering out into the common room, I spotted the one and only person that I wanted to see now. In all his glory, he perched on a chair by the window, holding a mug of hot tea to his lips and a book in his lap. The dark brown hair on his head was ever so slightly tousled, and my heartbeat raced. A billion words of doubt grazed my mind, but I knew what I had to do. Feeling my stomach jostle about in butterflies and waves of nervousness, I set my bag down against the wall and walked towards him.
"Austin." I said, my voice faltering on so many levels that it was practically comical. He looked up at me, grinning widely. Setting his mug and book down, he stood up, towering over me slightly.
"Hey, Alan. Last day, huh?" He mumbled. I nodded.
"C-can we, uh, talk somewhere?" I asked, stuttering. Be brave, I reminded myself. Just be brave.
"Of course." He nodded, taking my hand and leading me into a back hallway. It was quiet and secluded. "Are you okay? What is it?" He asked, forehead creasing a bit. My throat caught, and I began trying to push words out.
"I-I just wanted to say s-something." Closing my eyes, I called on every last drop of courage inside myself. Then, looking up at him, I tried once more. "I think we're supposed to be together." My words sounded a lot stronger than I felt, which I was thankful for. His eyes widened, but he said nothing, allowing me to continue. "I know you're older, and I know maybe it's weird, but I think we're... we're meant for each other." My hands found both of his, and held tightly. "I can feel it, when we touch, or even just talk. There's something here, and I can prove it. Here," I placed his outstretched hand over my heart, which was hammering away at the inside of my ribcage. "You... you do this to me, and I feel like it means something. I feel like we have something special." I stated, confidence heightening by the second. He stared at me, fingertips grazing my collarbone.
"A-Alan, I-" He stuttered, biting his lip.
"Please tell me you feel it." I whimpered, growing desperate. Inching closer, I could feel his panicked, shallow breath close to me.
"I c-can't, Alan. I can't." He gulped, pulling his hand away from me. In that moment, my heart stopped completely, shattering into a thousand pieces. Taking a step back, I felt my eyes fill with tears. "No, don't cry." He cooed, swooping in and taking my shaking hands again. "I-I'm straight, Alan." He said slowly, then dropped my hands as soon as he'd picked them it. It confused me even further. "I... I don't like guys." He mumbled, watching me. I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, and hung my head in shame. It hit me, once again, that I couldn't understand how these feelings weren't reciprocated.
"B-but, Austin." I sounded so pathetic, but I couldn't stop myself. It was like all these things I'd felt and bottled up were fueling me. "We're... right. We're right together." He watched me, furrowing his eyebrows. It hurt so badly, knowing that I was getting nowhere with this. Screwing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath and turned away, stalking back into the common room. The loss of the century, ladies and gentlemen. There he goes. I'd lost him, and of course I suffered now, from the emptiness inside. How could I have possibly been wrong? I guess, I thought dryly, he just really wasn't into me. Sucking back the tears that surged in my eyes, I tried to pull myself together as my parents signed me out. A thought popped into my mind, and I pulled Austin's book out of my bag, tossing it on top of his other one that he'd left on the table. My whole body felt tired, empty, and just plain old done. I wanted to cry, to hide under the covers forever. I wished I'd taken Jake up on that offer.
"Come on, honey, let's go." My mom called, her voice monotonous. With my head down and my bottom lip quivering, I exited Blair Ridge Psychiatric Institute for the first and, hopefully, the last time.

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Guys I wrote this with my right hand asleep (/. _.)/ btw, thank you to Rainbow_Sherbert_22 for motivating me! Love you all <3 vote and comment :*