Rebel Scum

Chapter 10 - Never Should Have Left

"So what do you want to know?" I ask. I'm willing to answer any questions they might have but I don't know if I'll have all the answers they want.

"Everything," Kanan says.

"Then where should I start?"

"The beginning."

"The beginning? Well, that's a lot to go through, are you sure about that?"

Kanan nods. "Just start talking."

"Alright, well... I was born on Aris to Liba and Temor Lesena, who died by the Empire's hand when I was six. My brother, Nathanael, is seventeen and went missing when I was eleven," I sigh. "I was on my own for three years, struggling to survive. Nate and I had worked for Gallerz, so at least I had somewhat decent income. But it wasn't easy, it was just enough for one meal a day after hard labor. I suppose I didn't mind it, I'd been doing it almost all my life, but Nate wasn't there to help me when I fell, or stick up for me when I did something wrong and Gallerz got mad."

I have to admit, going through everything that changed when he went away hurts. A lot. I run my fingers through my hair and scratch my scalp, letting out a breath as my hands drop. The gesture makes me feel better and I can continue my story.

"But that's how I lived. That's basically all I did for a while. When I turned thirteen I started to hate the way the Empire treated us. I wanted to fight back. But I didn't know how. I started setting up traps for troopers and they were annoyances at best. Then I met you guys and got into really fighting the Empire, now we're here."

Kanan nods slowly, I can tell he feels concerned, but it isn't an uncommon story. "Your brother said he felt your presence on this ship and I can feel the Force in him."

I nod. "I didn't know it then, but yes, he not only has a connection to the Force, but he also has a lightsaber."

"I wonder where he found the kyber crystal," Ezra muses.

I shrug and shake my head. "Who knows, but something is off about him. Can't you feel it Kanan? The steam?"

Kanan looks at me with a hard stare. "Yes, I can feel it," he says.

"Do you know what it means?"

"I can explain later, for now, we have a ship to fix."

He's stalling, I can tell, he doesn't want me to know what the steam means. Maybe that means it's bad. What if that means he's in trouble. I have to help him. But how can I if I don't even know what it is? I fall quiet, I don't know if I should say anything. My brother is all I can think about. He seemed so broken, so lost and confused. He fell asleep so easily as if he hadn't slept for days. He was searching for me, but I wasn't there when he needed me. I never should have left Aris.

"Soren?"

My head pops up, by reflex no less. My face must have given off my feelings. As soon as I notice it I uncurl my brows and try to relax my expression. "Yeah?"

"Are you alright?" Hera asks.

"I'm fine," I lie.

"You don't look fine," Sabine contradicts.

I don't feel fine, I feel sick to my stomach. How could I turn my back on him like that? How could I give up hope he was out there? How could I?

"You're pale," Hera says, walking up to me. She places a green hand on my forehead, callused from years of flying.

"Yeah... I guess I'm a little tired," I admit. But it's more than being a little tired. I feel numb and my body tingles. My head pulses with my heartbeat.

"You should rest," Hera tells me, same old motherly concern I never really got, "you can sleep in my room if you want."

I take her up on her offer but I don't sleep, I just lay there thinking about my brother. I picture him being tortured by the bounty hunter, being caught by the Empire. Is this steam deadly? Can it be removed? Can he be helped? I never should have left Aris.

After maybe hours of laying awake I get up to see what the rest of the crew it doing. I walk out into the hallway and to the main room. I find Ezra and Kanan sitting on the couch playing holochess. I look around and don't see anyone else so they must be in the cockpit.

"Soren," Kanan says.

I look at him. My expression is probably tired and void of feeling. I can see in his face he's worried, as any good Jedi master would be.

"You should be asleep," he tells me.

I nod once and look away. "I couldn't."

"You're worried about your brother."

I nod again. But that's a bit of an understatement. I'm terrified for him. If he doesn't get better, it's on me, I left him when he needed me and if he gets hurt... it'll be my fault. The feelings of guilt only adds to the weakness from lack of sleep mixed with the tormenting emotions that overwhelm my senses. I rub my eyes to try to get them to stop burning and lick my lips to stop their dryness.

"Come here Soren," he says, patting the seat next to him.

I obey and sit, not looking at either of them, just staring at my thin fingers.

"The Steam you feel in your brother is.... well..." I look up at him, "It's the Dark Side."

"The Dark Side..." I repeat.

"Yes, he's been effected by it, somehow it's made it's way to him... at least slightly," Kanan tells me.

"How do I help him?"

"You can't, Soren."

"Of course I can, I have to, it's my fault he's like this!" I cry.

The back of my eyes start to burn as tears start to form. My fists clench on my legs and my expression turns hard.

"I have to help him," I say.

"Soren..." Ezra says, "if there was a way, Kanan would tell you."

I look at him and know he's right but it's not what I want to hear. I need to help him. I can't just leave him with that fog taking over everything that makes my brother himself. And I'm just going to let that happen? No. There has to be something I can do.

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I know I say this all the time but I'm freaking terrible at posting? So.... there's really nothing to be done about it because I've apparently lost all will to write these books but I don't wanna post a new one until I finish SOMETHING but maybe once I have a stockpile of chapters for another fic I'll post it. And it'll most likely be Marvel related because I have a bunch of those.

Also big thanks to JustVoltronTrash for following! And go read her fics if you like Voltron because they're SUPER cute, creative, and EXCELLENTLY written! I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH THEY MAKE ME FEEL THINGS.