Can We Fall In Love Now? [Nicole Row]

Chapter 18

On the first 'rest' day we had, all I could think about was sleeping. Before we'd been traveling state to state, city to city every day. Now we had a day in between, and I was determined to make it last. So in between texting Nicole, going to the bathroom and eating, I would nap.

On the second rest trip we had, it was from Philadelphia to New York. The show in Philadelphia was the fifth show I had fallen at, and me being a klutzy mess, had acquired a row of bruises on my arms from the last times I'd done it. No matter, I had a day and a half to do stuff(they'd already taken the nearly two hour road trip).

So I decided to go sightseeing. What a horrible decision. Sightseeing on my own in New York, with no game plan or map. Google maps counts, but if my phone dies I'm basically screwed, and it was already halfway there. So I used my slight knowledge of New York City and made my way to a shop, paying for a map, now accompanied by extensive knowledge of New York, and nowhere to go.

Time to do what I do best: bother the locals.

With the knowledge of four men and three slightly disgruntled ladies, I was off to the Statue of Liberty like the basic tourist we all knew I was.

Unfortunately, I had miscalculated the risk of not buying a boat ticket online and was stuck in line at the Battery for about an hour and a half. Then security checks took another half hour. It was a train wreck, and I was smack dab in the middle of it.

Finally I made it onto the boat and stood on the deck, looking out at the river. I smiled as my blonde hair blew into my face, too enraptured by the beauty to care.

We pulled into the dock and I grabbed my phone, taking a few pictures as I walked around. It was empty in some areas, more crowded in others. I tended to stay in the empty areas, not wanting to be stuck in the crowds. I left after an hour and a half, the ride back taking a lot less time.

I made my way back to our hotel and relaxed.

The next day, however, it was a bit more hectic. I woke up late, and during practice I messed up on multiple chords. My anxiety was on high alert, and I felt sick to my stomach. But soon it was time.

We got onto the stage, first this time, and started to play. I flubbed a few of my vocals, using Brendon's trick of using the mistake to my advantage to make it less noticeable. I'm sure they noticed though, the fans always did.

Then I fell again, and our set was over. I nearly sprinted off stage, feeling sick to my stomach. I set my guitar down in the dressing room gently and then ran into the bathroom, sinking to my knees in front of the toilet as I threw up.

The back of my throat burned, and my eyes watered. I held my own hair back with one hand, the other plastered against the stall door as I threw up again.

I shifted for a moment, flushing the toilet while getting up slowly. Despite my best efforts, my head started to swim.

I stood in the empty bathroom for a moment, trying to calm my upset stomach and upset mind. I stepped out of the stall, leaning against the wall by the stalls as the music from the stadium made its way to the bathroom, echoing sadly in the empty room. I reached into my jacket pocket and popped a mint into my mouth, trying to get rid of the rancid aftertaste stuck in my mouth.

Nobody came to check on me yet, and so I sunk to the floor, knees drawn to my chest, arms resting on top of them. I tied my hair back gently, shrugging my jacket off my shoulders. It was, surprisingly, insanely hot in the bathroom.

The song playing previously ended, and I stood up, stretching slightly. I crunched down on the mint still in my mouth, swallowing it after a moment. I splashed water on my face, and then I walked outside, making my way down the hall to the dressing room.

Milo ran up to me first, took in my appearance, and then hugged me, "you didn't seem like yourself tonight. Are you okay?"

For a moment I was reminded of our stronger friendship, from only seven months ago. It seemed like it was forever ago, however.

I hugged him back gently, shrugging, "yeah. A bit sick, though."

"You don't have to cry." He pulled away from the hug, wiping something off my cheek. I hadn't even realized I was crying.

"Sorry, Milo." I shrugged again, walking away from him. I looked at the other two in the room, noticing how Ethan held out Advil and a water for me. Elizama simply smiled and waved. I downed the Advil and water.

"So, are you okay, Addy?" Lee asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I sat down on a beanbag chair, letting my head fall backwards.

"I dunno. With everything that happened-"

"That happened less than five months ago. I'm back now, aren't I? You don't have to treat me like glass just because you shipped me off to professionals." I cut her off briskly, taking a sip of my water, trying to calm my upset stomach.

"I was just thinking that-"

"Well stop thinking, Lee. I'm fine. And if I keep arguing I will throw up again, so zip it." I snapped now, standing up, "I'm going to watch the other bands performance." I left a shell shocked band in the dressing room, standing off to the side of the stage as I watched the artist dance around stage. They didn't have a worry in the world.

And for a moment I wished I was them.

A/N
I just wanted to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart
Getting 9K reads on a story feels like a dream, like I can't even envision what 9 thousand people standing in front of me would look like
I know a lot of people are going through mental battles, just as I was going through when I wrote this book, and like I am now. I just want to let you know that you matter, I love you, and someone else does too. Even if it doesn't seem like you're loved, you are.