Can We Fall In Love Now? [Nicole Row]

Chapter 9

Adeline's POV

Oh man was I wrong, I can get so much worse in so little time. I was back to no eating, and everyone was even more worried. I kept my door locked at all times, my blinds drawn so that I was left alone 24/7. Yet it's only been two days, so who can tell what will happen.

So far I felt like utter garbage, my unhealthy habit of not eating finally catching me, a bit of fatigue plaguing me. I'd had a few carrots to not actually starve, but I felt I didn't even deserve those.

I've not been going to therapy either, for today and yesterday I had to go, but my doors were locked.

I felt disgusting, but I deserve everything that's coming my way apparently.

I didn't even know what to call myself - everyone but Ryan thinks I'm gay, maybe Milo thinks I'm something otherwise. I don't even want to think about what my actual coming out might be like.

However, in desperate need of a shower, so I undressed and clambered in, letting my muscles relax under the hot shower, watching as steam clouded up the outside of the glass.

I might hate my singing voice but one of my own songs was stuck in my head, the one I probably hated the most, and was probably criticized the most. Who was I to argue though?

So I started singing, voice trembling the first few notes before I carried on quietly, the tune traveling through the small bathroom, echoing from the tiled walls and floor as I fought back emerging emotions.

I broke down in the shower, salty tears joining in with the hot water as they raced down my cheeks, and all I wish I could do is go and curl up in a ball - so I did.

I sat on the floor of the tub, letting water pound against my back as my shoulders shook violently, my hair hanging in clumpy strands around my head.

Memories surrounded me and I cried harder, remembering the namesake for the song I sang.

-Flashback-

Juliet and I ran up to get our diplomas, our 18-year-old selves ecstatic. We were finally done with high school, and we couldn't be happier.

With our last names starting with U-R, we were right next to each other on the list.

Juliet looked at me and grinned, hugging me as soon as we leapt off stage, our Vans getting dirty in the mud. "We made it, Addy... you can pursue singing and I can pursue the navy!"

Juliet's black hair framed her dark face, her hazel eyes glinting joyfully at me. "Yeah, and then we'll reunite again and catch up on events and oh my god it'll be awesome!" We squealed, our voices fading as I traveled one year in the future.

March 23, 2013

The world was still reeling from My Chemical Romances Breakup, but I was reeling for another reason. When I woke up, the hospital lights glared in my eyes, everything hurt, and Brendon started to cry.

My parents were there too, of course. But it was Brendon who mattered to me, the one who'd always been there.

He was the one to tell me the news. What happened to me. To Juliet. To us.

Brendon was the one to pick up my broken pieces, drive me to physical therapy for my leg, try to help me heal. He tried so hard, and I love him for that. It didn't work out in the long run.

I got sick, daily activities becoming harder and harder because 'Juliet can't do this, why should I be able to?' and then that spread to sleeping, to watching tv, and then to eating. I got sick, working out and potentially starving myself for days at a time my routine.

Brendon decided enough was enough, and I was shipped off.

I got better.

And then I didn't.

-End Flashback-

It was only six years ago she died, three since I stopped visiting her grave, two since I stopped talking about her, and one since I stopped eating again.

She gave me song inspiration, and I named an album after her. "Juliet's" was what it was called, and it was my second and most criticized album.

The popularity drew my boyfriend to me and it was the worst thing to ever happen because of fame. He fought me, yelled at me. It was awful, at least not physical.

I thought I could be strong, but I couldn't, and then I was starving again.

JOURNAL ENTRY 03/14/18

Hi

I feel dead

I can't do this anymore

Forgive me, I know there's more wrong in the world

But everything's catching up to me

And I feel alone, and I feel like my family doesn't understand what I'm going through

Well, of course they wouldn't, I alone can know.

Much Hate,

Addy

Addy_U is PMing eramthgin

eramthgin

Addyyyyy

u there?

I hope your okay

Please come back

Read 2:41