Someone to love

6. Deal with it

"Pa?"

I knocked on Papa's door that night. Maaga pa naman at alam kong hindi pa siya natutulog. Maybe he was inside the room - reading some documents that needed his signature or a book or maybe he was busy admiring Mama's picture. I knocked three times again before entering his room. I found Papa on the balcony - sitting on Mama's favorite bench while holding a glass of red wine. He was looking at the stars. Mukhang hindi niya pa alam na narito na ako. I cleared my throat and called him again.

"Papa." Tawag ko. He looked back and when he saw me, ngumiti siya. He was still weaing that blue suit. My father had always looked this good. Habang tinititigan ko siya ay parang nakikita ko ang years from now version ni Hermes at ni Ares.

"Sit with me, Adriana." Wika niya pa. Tahimik na naupo ako sa tabi niya. We boths sighed. "I am missing her." Alam kong si Mama ang sinasabi niya. Pinipigilan kong umiyak. Ramdam ko ang sakit na nararamdaman ni Papa. Ako, hanggang ngayon ay palagi kong napapaniginipan ang huling sandaling kasama ko si Mama.

It was a Tuesday morning. Usual lang ang lahat. Maaga akong umalis ng bahay para pumasok sa office. I was signing papers, here and there. I have meetings. Siyempre may argument pa with Yto and Demitri - but in the middle of the morning, kumatok ang sekretarya ko sa conference room para sabihin na dumating si Mama. Kahit na nasa kalagitnaan ang away namin ni Yto - huminto ako para puntahan ang Mama ko. Iyon ang isang bagay na tinuro sa akin ni Papa - na lahat ng bagay hihinto kapag dumating o kapag nariyan ang tunay na Reyna and in that case, I stopped myself from arguing with my dearest cousin and went to her. I could clearly remember what she told me. Iyong hitsura niya, tandang-tanda ko pa.

"Mama!" I was smiling while running towarsds my office. Nadatnan ko si Mama sa loob ng office ko na nakaupo sa throne ko. Napangiti ako, bagay kay mama ang nakaupo doon. I was smiling widely. Tumakbo ako sa kanya at saka kumandong. Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit.

"I miss you, Mama! This is such a nice surprise!"

"Hera naman, ang laki mo na para kumandong. Thrity-one ka na." Natatawang sabi niya. Umingos pa ako.

"Ma! Twenty-nine! Wala pa akong thirty no!" Napanguso ako. Hinalikan ko siya sa pisngi. "Mama, dito ka na lang. Inaaway na naman ako ni Yto." Mama is my safezone. Siya lang yata ang nakakaintindi sa lahat ng vision ko sa emperyo. Yto is too idealistic. Mana siya kay Uncle Sancho. Puro plano - walang solidong pinanghahawakan. Sugal nang sugal pero ang balik kaunti lang. He always wanted to take the big leap. Hindi siya naniniwala na sa lahat ng plano, kahit maliit na steps lang, it can make a difference.

"Hera, inaaway ka ni Yto?" Tanong niya. I rolled my eyes.

"Fine... I was the one who started it. Kasi naman! He's talking to me about the merge na naman. Ako ang VP for finance, dumadaan sa akin lahat ng reports, Ma! Hindi nalulugi ang kompanya. Palagi niyang sinasabi na we need power. We already have that, he just have to make the most out of it. Mama, franb\kly speaking, Yto doesn't have the heart - like what Lola Adel had said in her diary..."

"Anak, 'wag mong masyadong dibdibin si Yto. Pareho lang kayo. Pareho kayong sumusubok na magpakilala sa mundong ginagalawan ninyo ng kung ano ang kaya ninyong gawin." Wika niya pa sa akin. Bigla ay tinapik niya ako sa pwet. Napanguso ako. Napilitan akong tumayo. "Wag kang sumimangot, Adriana. You are different because---"

"I am L:ukas Consunji's daughter. Alam ko na iyon, Mama' Natatawa ako. Inabot niya sa akin ang isang lunch box.

"Dinalan kita ng kwek - kwek at kikiam. Your favorite." Sabi niya. "Susubuan ba kita?" Natatawang sabi niya. I just sighed.

"I wouldn't know where I will be without you, Mama." Sabi ko. "I love you."

That was the last moment of us together. And hours after that, isang nakakagimbal na tawag ang bumago ng buong mundo ko. Just like that, she was gone and I'm forever in deep sadness. Hinawakan ni Papa ang kamay ko.