unknown

flowing p2

"It's a cool place, you'll like it." He said whilst walking past some bushes and jumping over a wall that was concealed by plants, trees and shrubs. I followed suit and he caught me and held me.

"I never asked for help so don't expect me to thank you."

"I know." He said in a low volume and soft tone; smiling and still holding onto me by my waist.

"You can let go now."

"If you were so eager to escape you would have done it yourself."

I rolled my eyes and was about to push him away until he done it himself. I sighed and walked slightly ahead to examine the area; it was beautiful, I had never experienced such place.

I turned to face him and he was just watching me, examining me. As soon as he noticed that I 'caught' him, he awkwardly ruffled his hair and bit his lip.

He cleared his throat. "S-so, do you like it here so far?" He walked closer towards me and I turned away as if to look for a seat and so I turned my feet and made my way towards this gazebo with a bench in it.

"I dislike small talk. It's like a person feels forced to talk yet majority of the times, it stems from being nervous and that then branches into having a blank mind."

"Do you have to psychoanalyze everything?" His tone serious and stern.

"Does it make you nervous?"

He chuckles and sits beside me. "I think you analyse everyone with the same perception. You give a reason to a person's curiosity through psychological knowledge and so to you, everyone behaves in a certain way and there's a certain reason: and you built that based on knowledge. I think you're insightful; however, as much as you refuse to admit it, you're low-key close-minded in this region because, you assume you understand one's actions in a matter of seconds and don't consider anything else."

"Actions speak louder than words, right?"

"What's your point?"

"I think actions and words coexist together and they balance each other out. In some aspects, actions do speak louder than words. But, if you think about it, words are doing the exact same thing. Actions may be louder, but, words are powerful. I base people's actions and words on the concluding message: I dissect through a person's intention or intentions, be it 100% intention or even 50-50 intention."

"Is it a necessity to you? Do you have to try to understand a person's intention? Especially when it comes to yourself?"

"How about you? Do you have to try to understand a person's mind and reasons just because you're not use to it being handed to you, or simply just dislike that you can't fully latch onto me as a person...Because you can't read me?"

"You evaded my questions because I did read you."

"You read the surface. The surface of a very dangerous world. Sad world. Thus, you just tried to conceal the smirk after you stated that. Matter of fact, your big breath of relief gave you away entirely. I excite you and it makes you feel accomplished even if you only brushed the surface. That's why I think humans are bothersome and highly narcissistic."

"I think your mind seems insanely interesting, so yes I do get enthusiastic. I think it's attractive that you're defensive. I think it's attractive, the way you think. I admit that I want to explore your mind and as an individual and yes...I am a narcissist when I slowly figure someone out."

"You speak of me as if I was a book."

"Everyone has a story."

"Some burn their stories."

"Is it burn, or is it, bury to forget?"

I looked at him and giggled. "Is it curiosity or stubbornness?"

"It's both."

"You would benefit from the shit in my mind. You would find a rea-."

"I wouldn't."

"Denial."

"I'm telling you I wouldn't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm fucked up and dangerous too." There was an obvious pause. He looked up whilst leaning back on the bench and supporting himself with his elbows on the back of the bench.

I nod. "I know."

"How?"

"From the moment you openly referred to your alter ego as another person yet you were aware it was still you."

"You read people and know about their alter ego's instantly?" He said, slightly mocking me but, not intentionally.

"Since I was as young as 2, I saw the world differently and I was a threat to everyone because of it. My intellect was deep and dangerous to people."

"Don't be ashamed of it."

"Who said I was?"

"I watch you and know that your inner voices beat you up about it. You seem conflicted all the time."

"I'm scared not ashamed. Intrusive thoughts are different to my deepest, more penetrating thoughts. Psychosis is dangerous."

"Did you self-diagnose?"

"I self-diagnosed and I diagnose others sub-consciously in the moment, and that was a threat to people."

"How come?" He said looking at me.

I looked directly into his eyes. "Because I was always correct." I smiled softly.

He smirked and leaned in to kiss my cheek softly. "Still, only the surface of you as a person, is making me want to know more and you can read into it however you want. But, there's one main reason that you'd never look at."

"What's that?" I asked genuinely intrigued.

He stood up and had his hands in his pocket. "Your mind could be the answer to mine."

"It could be the other way around?"

He chuckled. "I have very intrusive and provocative thoughts right now." He mumbled.

"You're a man."

He tensed his jaw as if to control his inner animal and at the fact that I heard him. He analysed my body and my lips. "Yes."

He turned and left me there alone. I felt my cheeks become red at his honesty. It was different, interesting and confusing. I wonder why he was so honest and was he like that with everyone? I admit I was curious, more for my ego. I wanted to be the only one.

It would never be you Teriah. Disgusting. Complicated. He would get bored of you. No one gives a shit about you. You thought you sounded cool huh? He's digging you out. Just kill yourself; don't give anyone the chance to do it for you. You think just because you felt like it was all flowing with him, that you would finally have a friend? Naive and pathetic, you're not as intelligent as you think. He just wants to use you for sex. He seems lost himself. Two freaks urging for attention. More you than him. Burn this place, forget that you two ever talked. These people deserve to be forgotten, you should be forgotten. You're deadly, you'll hurt him, kill him. Just like you sat and watched your mum-.

I got up and left making sure no one saw. I didn't think he would want anyone to know of this place. I went to my car and drove home without hesitation. Not wanting to be at that school any longer.

When I arrived home, I went straight to my shower. Fortunately, no one was home. I washed my body down of all the things it felt. Desire, confusion, danger. I washed my hair and face, hoping that it would rid me of my thoughts: my anger, hatred, intrigue, slight feelings of happiness, (you don't deserve that feeling), I knew it wouldn't go. But, every time I showered, for the entirety of my life, I still hoped for the same things. Pitiful.

I just let the water flow as I stood there, feeling lifeless.