I wasn't an alchoholic, I really wasn't.
But I wasn't totally against drinking.
I knew that some people turned into complete monsters when they drank; I knew that alcohol consumed peoples' lives.
But to me, that was like gun control. Guns don't actually kill people; alcohol doesn't actually physically ruin someone's life. What ruins someone's life is them - they depend on drinking to feel better, and they can't have enough. It's gluttony, really, just like it's the person holding the gun that does the real thing rather than the alcohol physically doing the other.
My sister had ways been strictly against drinking. But I saw nothing wrong in drinking every now and then - not every weekend, of course, but to celebrate or just cut loose.
But anyway, Niall and I were great drinking partners, although he was able to drink a whole lot more than I could(thanks to his Irish bloodline).
He always knew when I had enough, and normally when I had enough, he was only buzzed because it took him a lot more to get wasted; whereas I was a bit more of a light weight than he was.
"I want to go dance," I said for the 5th time that night, tugging on his hand.
"Jess, you can't even walk in a straight line." He told me. "For the safety of everyone out there, I say it's best if we just, you know, hang out here."
"But the world is moving!
"C"mere," Niall tugged my chair closer, his arm unsteadily wrapping around my waist as he pressed a messy kiss to my cheek. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and his blue eyes looked glazed with intoxication.
I sat myself boldly on his lap, and I didn't give him a chance to protest because I began kissing him hungrily. Our kisses were messy and sloppy, but it felt raw and amazing. The world was spinning constantly all around us, but to me, all that mattered right now was me and him - I couldn't give a shit about anyone else while kissing Niall.
"I love you," I muttered against his lips, sighing as I began kissing him all over his face. I giggled when he winced from me kissing him on the eyelid. "I love you."
I kept uttering those three words.
I love you.
I love you.
"You know what I love about you?" I brought up to Niall as I cuddled into his lap. He hummed in response, too wasted to really form a verbal answer. "You never talk about marriage or children. Like if a guy ever even joked or talked about marriage, I'd get the hell out of there because you shouldn't be looking that far ahead, you know? You should be enjoying the moment, and marriage is a completely different...thing. And the moment a guy mentions having kids, then it's really over because I'm so not ready to look like a fucking whale and push something out of my vagina."
Niall chuckled into my ear, "Yeah, you really don't have a filter, Jess."
"No, I just don't beat around the bush. I say it how it is." I sighed in utter contentment, suddenly glad that Niall didn't let me go out and dance with him. I'd rather be here than anywhere else.
"When I'm with you," I whispered faintly, "I feel invincible. I feel so special and beautiful because you make me feel that way, and you make me feel like I can accomplish anything that I want. When I'm with you, I feel like nothing could possibly go wrong because I have you..."
For some reason, I sniffled at that. I was crying. Why was I crying? There were times when I got emotional while being drunk, so I supposed this was just one of those moments.
"Jess, are you crying?" Niall turned my head, and his face fell in concern when he saw my tears. "Baby, what's wrong?"
I shakily wiped at my warm tears, letting out a nervous laugh. "I love you so much, and that scares me."
"Why?"
"Because sometimes love doesn't last forever."
The mere thought of losing Niall, of him waking up on day and announcing that he no longer loved me, or vise versa with me, terrified me. I couldn't bear the thought of living without him, and I knew I was weak because of that. I had fallen too deeply in love with Niall, and I was in the most vulnerable state of being right now.
"If it's meant to last," Niall whispered, holding me tightly as he wiped away my tears, "then it will."
