It was on a Wednesday afternoon when I heard a sound I hadn’t heard in a month.
Laughter.
But more importantly, Niall’s laughter.
I dropped the brush I was using to comb my wet hair, and I ignored the fact that I was only wrapped in a towel and rushed into the living room.
There he sat on the couch, watching Dumb and Dumber; there was a bowl of popcorn that was nearly empty now, and he was laughing to the point where his cheeks were flushed. I smiled; the sound of his laughter was honestly like music to me, no matter how cliche sounded; if you ever heard my boyfriend laugh, you’d understand why. There were however tears streaming down his face, but he was still smiling nonetheless.
I clutched the towel tighter to my body and sat next to Niall, and he glanced at me when he noticed my presence before nodding at the screen and wiping at his eyes.
“This was one of his favorite movies,” Niall said. “We used to watch it all the time.”
“I know.”
I literally almost had every scene memorized because Niall and Louis watched the movie so much. And I didn’t even like Jim Carrey - I always thought he was a bit overrated, and I also didn’t like the movie (it was too stupid to be funny in my personal opinion), but I knew Louis was a simple guy who had a love for humor.
Niall grew quiet as the movie went on, and his smile vanished as he stared down at his hands in his lap.
“I’m sorry,” He whispered.
“For what?” What could he possibly be sorry for?
I could visibly see him swallow thickly, and I knew he was moments from bursting into tears. I could recognize it instantly.
“For being such a mess,” He uttered throatily. “I just...I miss him so much, you know?”
“Niall, you don’t have to apologize,” I cooed, frowning as I moved closer and wrapped my arms around him. He instantly buried his face into my towel, letting out a shaky breath, and I ran my hands gently through his hair. “He was your best friend. You deserve time to mourn.”
“I just never thought he would be one to take his own life. I don’t know why he wouldn’t have called me before he, you know...I would’ve helped him.” Niall then started sobbing harshly, his entire frame trembling. I clutched onto him tighter, pursing my lips and hating how pained he was. “It’s all my fault, Jess. I should’ve been there for him. I was his best friend, and when he needed me the most, I wasn’t there for him. I-It’s my fault he’s dead right now…”
“That’s fucking ridiculous and you know it,” I said, trying to control my exasperation. I knew he had been blaming himself this entire time, and I hated that. “None of this is your fault, Niall. Louis was the one who took his life, and as crazy as it sounds, he made that decision. Yes, he could’ve called you, and maybe talking to you could’ve saved his life. But he didn’t do that. He held a gun to his head and shot himself. This is not your fault.”
