Stucky

I Never Told Him

Steve's POV

Today...today was the day of the funeral. 

His funeral.

James Buchanan Barnes' funeral was today. 

I still couldn't believe it. 

About two months ago, Bucky was in a motorcycle crash. He was coming to Avengers Tower to celebrate a mission we had just come back from. Some asshole ran a red light and crashed right into him....

He was in the hospital for 3 weeks, in a coma. I was by his side everyday, hoping and praying to whatever god was out there that he would be okay. 

The doctors told me he would be fine a couple days before he passed. That there was no issues. He would survive. 

They were wrong. 

They told me he died of internal bleeding that they didn't know about. 

I was there when he passed, right next to him when he flatlined. They tried to save him, they really did, but it was too late....

Natasha and I were getting ready together at her apartment, comforting each other in these hard times. 

Natasha knew him for a long time. They knew each other since The Red Room, when Nat was just a teenager. They became as close of friends as him and I were, but my relationship with Buck was...different. 

Nat knew I loved him, and not just as a friend. And she always, always encouraged me to tell him, but I never did, and now I regret it with my life. 

"I never told him." I said, breaking the silence in the room while Natasha did her makeup. 

"What did you not tell him?" She asked, not really paying attention to me. 

"That I loved him." I told her, which grabbed her attention. She looked at me and I could tell she was, at the very least, upset. 

"Steve! What do you mean you didn't tell him! You told me you would!" Natasha said, slightly raising her voice from her normal tone. 

"I..I was planning on telling him the night he, um, got into the accident, at the party. It was going to be such a good night of celebrating after months of going undercover and spending more time together. And, at that point, he had almost all his memories back, at least the ones with me in them, we were getting closer...and that stupid drunk had to fucking run a red light and ruin everything." I confessed to Nat, all while trying to hold in tears. 

"Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry... This is going to be a hard couple months Steve, but I need you to know that I'm here for you, always. I know how much he meant to both of us and we could use each other's support in this time." Nat said, tears of her own shedding. She doesn't usually reveal her feelings, so I know she's being genuine. 

"Thank you Natasha, that means a lot to me." I told her, the tears dying down. 

"Well," Nat said, getting up and heading to the bathroom to finish her makeup, "We have to get going. Are you going to be okay?

"I'll be fine, at least during the funeral. You might have to deal with me afterward." I said, an awkward laugh following. She nodded at me sympathetically and started gathering everything she needed. 

I stood up and looked in the mirror. I looked okay, at least as 'okay' as I could be. I straightened my tie and told Nat that I was ready. She looped my arm in hers and we headed out the door. 

----Time Skip to after the funeral, during the burial----

The funeral went well...It was a open casket, but I personally didn't care to look at him, and everyone paid their respects, put mementos in the coffin and said their goodbyes. Nat and I gave speeches, and outside he was given a rifle party since he was in the military and had a American flag in the casket with him. 

I kept my cool, crying only a little, and as soon as it started, it was over. After the funeral, a few special people and I headed to our respectful cars and drove to the graveyard where he was being buried. There, we found the grave site, the coffin was lowered 6 feet in the ground, we all poured the dirt back into the earth and said some more words. At this point, everyone was crying and grieving. 

After the burial, everyone left except for me and Natasha, as I needed more time and she wanted to comfort me. 

I looked at the headstone, and it read.

'March 10 1917'

'James Buchanan Barnes'

'Sergeant'

'United States Army'

'World War Two'

'A War Hero, Beloved Friend and Will Never Be Forgotten'

'July 29th 2018'

"I find it funny," I started, startling Nat after standing in silence for a long period of time "How they didn't include his age. Technically, he would've been 101 this year, but everyone knew him as only being in his 20s..."

"Ha, yeah. I never thought about that..." Nat said and that was the end of the conversation. I stepped forward, kneeling down on the ground before the headstone. The ground 6 feet above where my best friend, the love of my life, was buried. I laid my head against the cold stone and spoke the words I've been longing to say to Bucky since I was 16.

"I am so in love with you" I whispered to the grave, tears spilling down my cheeks. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Nat. She lifted her hand to her mouth, holding in sobs, and looking forward. I stood up and told Nat I'd be right back, leaving her alone to say a few words of her own while I walked to the car. 

I reached the car and grabbed the roses out of the backseat. I started walking back to the grave and heard Nat talking, so I let her talk as long as she needed too. She turned around to see me holding the flowers in my hand, and nodded to tell me she was done. 

I stepped forward and got on one knee in front of the grave, gently placing the flowers on the dirt before me, and said "I will always love you James, I hope you now know that."

I gathered myself together and stood after a couple minutes kneeling there. I looked at Natasha and grabbed her hand, lightly squeezing it.

"I'm ready to go.." I told her

"Ok, let's go home then." She said to me. Leading the way back to her car.

AUTHOR'S NOTE - Hey, sorry for the sad story, just felt like writing something sad. And sorry if I got some facts wrong, I tried my best, I even looked up military headstones and what rank Bucky was in when he was in the army :) I hope you enjoyed it and feel free to give me some feedback!! 

Thank You <3 - MarvelMenace