Bittersweet Endings

Chapter Nine

I took everything in around me as I entered the apartment, you couldn't half tell that he lived here by himself. The place was a mess, dirty clothes littered the floors, along with beer cans and empty cigarette packets. It was in need of a major clean up, good thing I got here when I did or he would get lost in here soon. I planned to clean up as soon as he went to work as there was no way he would let me do it whilst he was in the house.

I placed my backpack down and turned around to face Tristan. He really hadn't changed much in the past few years. I can't believe I let it go so far between visits but he was busy here working and I had school and other things to cope with. There was several times that he almost came down when I was having a really bad time, but I talked him out of it I didn’t want him to see me in the state that I was in.

We had kept in touch though, I didn’t broadcast it but we talked almost every day and who knew about everything that had happened, including the incident. Well everything but the latest developments which I would be filling him in on at some point. I should probably explain who Tristan is.

When I first moved to the small city, he was my first friend. Back before everything become complicated. A year after I moved there, his parents forced him to move to where he lives now, for better opportunities, at least that was the excuse they gave. It was only an hour away but we just never seemed to be able to match up times to visit and there was a period of time when I just couldn't face him in person. He was my go to person for advice or if I just needed to talk, outside of the boys of course.

I knew that I had Megan and Luke but Tristan was first and there was just something about him that made me feel comfortable. We never judged each other on anything, he was the one person I could trust with my life. For a period of time I thought I could love him, like I loved Scott but I soon realised that I loved him like my brother. I was so grateful that I could still hug him. I always stress when it comes to physical contact with others because I'm never sure how I'm going to react.

"I've missed you too J. Now I know there's something you want to talk about otherwise you wouldn't be here. Why don’t you go take a shower, I'll whip up some breakfast and then we can talk about it. Alright." He said.

"Sounds good, thanks for letting me come and stay here, even if it's just for a few days." I replied.

I picked up my backpack and made my way down the small hallway. I took a guess on which door it would be and thankfully I got it right the first time. I walked in and locked the door behind me, out of habit. Stripping my clothes off I added them to the pile on the floor, this boy clearly didn’t know how to do his laundry or he waited until he absolutely had to, to do it. My thoughts drifted to how long Tristan would let me stay here, I know I said a few days but I wasn't sure that was going to be enough time, home was the last place I wanted to be.

I'm not sure how they thought I was going to react and if the circumstances leading up to this moment had been very different I may have actually been overjoyed at the opportunity but they weren't and I couldn't deal with it. I stepped under the water and closed my eyes, letting the hot water wash away all the tension in my muscles. I washed my hair, laughing at the berry smelling body wash that was in his shower. I would be giving him hell over it later.

I didn’t want to take too long so raced through the remainder of my shower, turning the water off I grabbed a towel. Drying off I got dressed and made my way back out to the lounge room.

"Smells amazing." I said while putting my bag next to the couch. 

"Hopefully it tastes as good as it smells." He replied.

I walked over to him and took the plate he was offering me, grabbing a knife and fork off the sink. I smothered the food in barbeque sauce and took a seat on the couch, I would have sat at the small dining table but it was lost under a pile of things.

"Thanks." I said before digging in, it tasted better then it smelt.

"I never knew you could cook." I mumbled out in between mouthfuls of food.

"Well I guess it slipped my mind when I was telling you about all the important things that have been going on. I should have known that my cooking ability should have been higher on the list." He replied with a big arse grin.

I held back my laughter not wanting to spit food all over the place, instead I settled for rolling my eyes which just made him laugh. He soon joined me on the couch and dug into his own plate of food. As soon as I was finished I got up and rinsed my plate, leaving it on the bench with the rest of the dishes I would tackle later. I chose to sit next to him this time.

"I'm guessing you want to know what's going on and why I'm here?" I asked him
.
He nodded in response, considering he was chewing.

I launched into my story of what had been happening over the last few days, I could have sworn it had been weeks instead of days but that's what happens when you have so much drama. I started with the dreams that I was having, to the first and second days of school and then finished with what my father had told me last night all about the contract.

Tristan continued to eat his breakfast, nodding when I looked at him but not saying anything instead taking everything in so that he would have the whole story before offering his opinion, this is what he did each time I sought his advice. I watched his reaction as I finished, curious to know what he would say on the matter.

"Well for once I'm at a loss for words. I'm not sure what to say except that's pretty fucked up. I certainly wasn't expecting that when you told me you needed some advice. I'm going to have to think on it before I can offer my opinion on what you should do. You're more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need to, to think and sort yourself out. Because of the short notice I couldn't get out of work today but I'll have the next couple of days off to spend with you okay." He replied.
"Thanks. I know I don't know what to say and I'm in the middle of it. I really do appreciate you letting me stay here for as long as I need. Well off you go to work, I'll be fine here." I replied with a small smile.

He nodded and returned my smile, before going off to get dressed. I stayed on the couch making a mental checklist of everything I needed to achieve whilst he was at work, I only had a few hours to work with and there was a lot to be done.

"I'll be back in a few hours. There's money in the top draw of my bedside table if you need it." He said.

I stood up and gave him another quick hug before he left. It really did feel good to be able to hug my best friend. As soon as I knew he was gone and wasn't going to be sneaking back in the door anytime I soon, I sent a quick message to Luke to let him know I made it safe and a group message to the boys to let them I know I had left town for a few days, that I was somewhere safe and I would explain everything when I go back.

I then raided the kitchen until I found the garbage bags, placing them on the bench I found the laundry basket and began to pile all of the clothes from the lounge room into it, it was over flowing by the time I was done. When I was sure I had it all from the lounge room I made my down the hallway and found his little laundry, if he kept on top of his washing it would fit in the laundry but because he doesn't there was no way he would fit it. I sat the basket in front of the washing machine and loaded it up with the first load.

Closing the door behind me I got to work on getting all the rubbish picked up from the kitchen and lounge room, three garbage bags later I piled them next to the front door. I changed the washing over and put the first load in the dryer and put the next load on. I went back to the kitchen and looked under the sink, grabbing out the detergent and multi-purpose spray I filled up the sink and soaked the first sink of dishes.

I then went about dusting and cleaning the furniture. Once the lounge room was clean I made quick work of the dishes, there wasn't too many based on the fact that he seemed to live on takeout if the amount of containers I threw out was anything to go by. Once I was happy with that area of the house I went into his bedroom, some people would probably be annoyed by this but I knew there was nothing I could find in here that would surprise me.

I piled up all the washing by the door, stripped the bed and opened the window to air out the room. I took the rest of the washing to the laundry and changed the loads over again, finding another basket to put the clean and dried washing in. I left the bedroom to air out while I cleaned the bathroom, adding even more washing to the laundry. How did this boy have any clean clothes. The bathroom didn't take too long and I checked the rest of the rooms of the house. I aired out the spare room where I would be staying and went back to make his bed.

Once that was all done I put the clean dishes away and took something out of the freezer for dinner. I looked around at my handy work, the place actually looked lived in now. I opened the apartment and left the door open while I quickly put the rubbish down the rubbish chute, I was grateful it wasn't the type of place that required me to physically take it down to the bins.

I continued to get all the washing done until it was clean and just needed to be folded, I brought the massively over flowing basket out to the lounge room and got to folding it all. Once that was done I put away what I could and then decided to have a nap to pass the rest of the time until Tristan got home.

My few days turned into two weeks and here I was still at Tristan's. I turned my phone off a couple of days after I got here, the amount of times my parents and Scott called became ridiculous and was counterproductive to helping me sort my thoughts out. I turned it back on every couple of days to send an update to Megan, Luke and the boys just so they knew I was okay.

I knew I was going to have to face them sooner or later, and after many discussions with Tristan who's parent's were lawyers I realised there was a slim chance of getting out the whole arranged marriage thing. We had another heart to heart last night and he reminded me that if I can't get out of it, then maybe I should go along with it for a period of time to see how things work out, as far as I knew there was no clause stopping me from divorcing Scott after we were married.

Tristan also came to the conclusion that I am still in love with Scott, which I had known all along I just buried it deep down. For the first time in my life I was being incredibly selfish, I didn’t want to get hurt again and Tristan pointed this out and was the main reason why I couldn't or didn't want to trust him.

The best thing about been here is that I haven't had to worry about anything, I have been able to by myself no matter what mood I'm in and Tristan along with a couple of his friends that have been around a lot have been helping me get over my fear of people touching me. We started off slowly but I can now hug people without it setting off a major panic attack, once we had mastered the art of hugging I can now be touched on the shoulder or grabbed around the waist without immediately going to kick some arse.

The last two took a bit more convincing and I may have almost broken a couple of noses along the way but Tristan and his friends were incredibly patient with me and we worked through it. I was eternally grateful and there was nothing I could do to repay them for what they have done. Now I could go places with my friends without hurting anyone.

It wasn't until I was here for a couple of days and we hung out that I realised how much I missed him and his company. I wanted to stay here and hide for a while longer but it was time to face my fear and go back. I knew though that I would be at least going back a somewhat better person.

I've also learnt since I've been here that I don't have to open up to everyone to let them care about me or me to care about them. I've known this for a long time I just wasn't willing to admit it to myself. The boys will be happy to see me once I get home, and happy with the changes I've made. I'm hoping to be able to stay the same once I get home and I hoped I would now be able to show them and my other friends more of me.

I'm worried about going back to school, I would be surprised if I managed to pass this year after missing these two weeks. I doubt anyone would have even noticed I was gone. I knew there was one thing I would be sticking to and that's my no touching rule. I may be more trustworthy of people I care about but that was the extent of it. I could see myself slipping back to my old ways when I get home but I will do my best not to.
"I'm home." Tristan yelled, walking through the door.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked.

"I'm good, I'm going to go have a shower, and then I need to talk to you" He replied.

I looked over at him, and gave him a 'what the hell' look.

"Don't look at me like that, don't worry its nothing to serious" He said.

"Fine, I'll start tea then. And we can talk about whatever it is when you get out" I replied, walking in to the kitchen.

I decided on chicken fettuccine for tea, quick and simple. I began getting everything ready, and started cooking. Losing myself in thought at what he could possible want to talk about, although the longer I thought about it the more obvious it became, it was going to be about me going home.

Not that this worries me, I knew it was coming eventually. I was almost done, when Tristan made his way back into the kitchen, we had slipped into a routine since I arrived, he worked and I cooked and cleaned as payment of him letting me stay here. It's not like I didn't have money but I didn't want my parents to find out where I was by making withdrawals.

"Smells good, how long till it's done?" He asked.

"Couple more minutes, just go and get comfy on the couch and I'll bring it over." I told him, while draining the pasta.

A couple of minutes later I dished it up, and took both our plates over, and sat down on the couch next to him. Passing his plate over, I slowly began to eat waiting for him to say something.

"Now I know you know that I love having you here, your great company and its good to see the place so clean all the time" He began in between mouthfuls. I just nodded at him.

"But you can't avoid this forever, you know we talked about and you said you would give this a chance, so I was thinking maybe it's about time you headed home." He finished.

I swallowed the mouthful of food I had replied. "I know your right, I can't keep putting it off, I guess I'm just scared. I have been thinking about it a lot today in particular and I have decided it would be best if I headed back and faced the music. I'll go tomorrow that way I still have Saturday and Sunday to sort myself out if needed before school as I know I will be made to go."

"I didn't mean you had to leave tomorrow, I just think you should start thinking about when you will go back, but tomorrow is as good as time as any. I will miss having you around, and this great cooking, I'll ring you at least once a week and message every day, and if things go really bad again, then your more than welcome to come back" He said, before shovelling another huge forkful of food into his mouth.

I nodded over to him and finished eating what was on my plate. I got up, and took his plate placing them on the sink, before filling it up. Deciding it would be best to wash up tonight. I heard the T.V switch on, and the usual sound of the footy show playing. I just shook my head, not knowing what he see's in that show.

It didn't take me long to finish the dishes, I left the on the sink to dry, he can deal with them tomorrow. I went and sat next to him, staring at the T.V but not really watching it. My thoughts quickly drifted to tomorrow and what might happen, what they all think of me. I knew that I would be in trouble, a lot of trouble most likely. I didn't care about the trouble, it was their fault that I left in the first place. I was snapped out of my thoughts by Tristan's hand been waved in front of me.

"Talk about zoning out" He said with a chuckle.

"Sorry I was just thinking about tomorrow" I replied.

"Yeah don't worry it'll be okay. If it's not you can come straight back and we'll work it out together. I'm hitting the sack got work tomorrow, I suggest you do the same, you've got a big day ahead." He said.

"Yeah your right" I replied, standing up.

He switched off the T.V and started walking down the hallway, I followed behind turning the lights off as I went. He walked into his room, and I went into the guest room.

"Goodnight" I called out to him, before shutting my door.

I climbed into bed, and laid there thinking yet again about tomorrow, it wasn't until the early hours of the morning that I finally fell asleep.