Bittersweet Endings

Chapter Fourteen

Joey's Point of View
I woke I'm not sure how much later, Jesse still laying next to me in bed wide awake. It took me a moment to remember everything that had happened and as to why Jesse was in my bed. It all came rushing back, this caused me to shiver. I felt arms wrap tighter around me, a silent plea that he was here for me. I turned my head to look at Jesse, he tried to smile but I could see the sadness in his eyes. I'm grateful it wasn't pity. I couldn't stop myself from moving closer and snuggling into his body, he was so warm and I felt safe. I had always felt safe around Jesse but this was different and I wasn't sure why.

I heard him whisper that everything would be okay, that nothing would hurt me again. I wanted to tell him to not make promises that he couldn't keep but for some reason deep down I knew that he would do everything he could to make sure that it happened. My mind began to unravel thinking about what would happen if he was wrong, what if it all started all over again. I looked over to the other side of the room to see if Tristan was there, I wanted to ask him where he went last night. I couldn't see him, I turned back to Jesse to ask where he went but he answered before I could utter the words.

Tristan had gone out just after I had fallen asleep. Jesse didn't say where he went or what happened and I worked out if I wanted answers I would have to ask Tristan. I rested my head on Jesse's chest, sighing. I would give anything to be able to just forget what happened only hours ago. I knew that I couldn't, I hadn't been able to yet. After having it happen for months before, tonight was just a reminder of what was to come. I pushed myself closer to Jesse, not that it was really possible given how close we already were, scared that Jesse was going to get up and leave me. His arms just got tighter showing me he wasn’t going anywhere. There was the part of my brain that was screaming to be alone right now but I couldn't be alone right now, I couldn't handle it. I needed someone and Jesse was here. Before the ending to tonight I would have thought it would have been Scott but he ended it.

If I was alone right now I would resort back to crying and then doing the only thing I told myself I shouldn't do anymore and that was self-harm. It was something that I turned to after the first time I met Ian, it was the only thing that made the pain and self-loathing go away even for just a little while. I became addicted, cutting every day even when I was having a good day, I craved it. I finally got my act together after Ian left and that's when I started at the gym, replacing my cutting with something less harmful to an extent. I was never afraid of Jesse or any of the other guys seeing the scars, it just reminded them that I was a troubled soul and to keep their distance, although there was four of them who never listened... Jesse, John, Caleb and Max. I owe my life to them.

I snapped myself out of the memories, I just laid there listening to Jesse's heartbeat. It was memorising, slow and soft. I knew he must be saying some mantra in his head to keep calm, he knew something had happened to me and normally Jesse wasn't this calm. I closed my eyes to drift back off to sleep, it was around 4am now and I was still exhausted. As soon as I closed my eyes all I could see and feel was Ian, this caused fresh tears to start rolling down my cheeks. How could I still be crying. I felt weak, I tried stopping myself from shedding anymore tears. I didn't want Jesse to know I was crying again, the tears felt endless I was wondering if they would ever stop. I felt Jesse shuffle from behind me, he leant forward a little and moved out from behind me. I rolled over facing the wall as I felt the bed dip and Jesse lay down.

I really didn't want him to see my cry anymore, he had never seen this side of me. The broken girl who couldn't stop crying. My plan failed, he placed his hand on my waist and gently rolled me over so I was facing him. He then shuffled closer so my face was near his chest. No matter how much my mind screamed don't do it, my body wouldn't listen and just did everything his touch asked, he wasn't demanding giving me a chance to stop this. I moved closer to his chest and felt his hand rest on my chin tilting it upwards, I could have been looking him straight in the eyes if mine were open.

Taking a deep breathe, stopping the tears for the moment I opened my eyes to be faced with his, so full of sadness and concern and something that I couldn't put my finger on. I was having trouble believing that Jesse cared this much about me, how did he know to come to the house last night, and then to be so caring holding me in shower while I had my breakdown, getting me dressed making sure that he looked directly at my face, never letting his eyes wander. I wonder if I hadn't taken Scott to fight night if it would have been him here holding me. I knew I still cared for him, hell I had worked out I still loved him but it had been so easy for him to walk away from me last night. I had just started to accept that Scott might actually care about me, I'm glad that it took so long and that I did take him last night because otherwise I wouldn't have found out the truth. He didn't care about new  me, he was hoping I would turn back into old Joey.

Stopping those thoughts I brought my mind back to the boy in front of me who showed me a side of himself that I had never seen before and he was still here. A part of me wondered what he was thinking right now, the look in his eyes made me feel like he was wondering the same thing about me. Honestly I didn't know what I was thinking, my mind was all over the place. We continued to start into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity, for some it would have been uncomfortable but this was Jesse and there was nothing uncomfortable about how we were right now. He finally decided to speak up, I wasn't ready to answer what he asked but I knew it was coming at some point.

He didn't break eye contact as he asked me what happened, he didn't break eye contact as he watched the emotions flash across my face, he didn't push me when I didn't answer right away. I was scared to tell him, scared that he would tell me how weak I was. I didn't say anything for what felt like hours but really was only minutes. I studied him, to see if he seriously wanted to know. I realised that he did and that he wasn't judging me, at least not yet. He was concerned, Tristan wouldn't have told him anything he knew it was my story to tell. It was in that moment I decided I would tell him, the only person who knew was Tristan and he couldn't hang around forever and now I didn't have Scott either, I was going to need someone here who I trusted to know. And I did trust Jesse.

Taking a deep breathe, I launched into my story. I started from when it first happened two years ago, to what I did  to myself, to him leaving, the gym and then last night. And with last night not only did I tell him what Ian did I told him about Scott to, I hadn't even told Tristan that part yet. But I couldn't stop it once I started it just kept coming all of the details. I didn't realise I had been crying again until I stopped talking and took another deep breathe. I couldn't look at him, I just stared at the tattoo on his chest. I didn't want to see the look on his face, the one I knew that was coming of disgust, Tristan had been my friend even he had at, but as he later explained it wasn't at me, it was at Ian did.

Slowing down my breathing I wiped away the last of my tears and continued to stare at his chest. It felt like another eternity past but again it was only minutes before he spoke. I was beginning to think he wasn't going to say anything, maybe he didn't actually care, maybe it was too much. The next thing I knew I was pulled hard against his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me, then I felt something wet hit the top of my head. Was Jesse crying? Because of something that happened to me? I tried to move my head to look at me and he just held me tighter, I laid my head above his heart. It was beating fast now. Reaching up I gently moved my fingers across his chest trying to get him to calm down. I didn't want him crying because of me.

He let my touch relax him and his breathing slowed and the tears stopped. I could now hear him repeating that he was sorry. What the hell did he have to be sorry for. I pulled away slightly, this time he didn't stop me. I didn't move far though, I was comfortable next to him. I looked into his eyes and told him there was nothing to be sorry for, there wasn't anything he could have done. Even if he followed me last night I would have done whatever it took to get him to leave to keep him safe. I wiped away the last of the tears running down his cheek, smiling softly at him.

I didn't want him to be sad. I cuddled back into his chest letting him know that it was okay. For some reason after I repeated it I heard him chuckle. I asked him what he thought was funny and he explained how it should have been him telling me it was okay not the other way around, when I thought about it I let out a small laugh myself. We laid there for what must have been hours just wrapped in each other. We didn't need words right now and for that I was grateful. I heard movement in the house and the stairs started to creak, Tristan must have been awake.

My bedroom door opened and he walked around to the other side of the bed, laying down facing Jesse and I. I rolled over in Jesse's arms to face Tristan. He glanced up at Jesse and smiled, a smile that suddenly had me concerned. What had those two done when I was sleeping. Jesse still had his arm securely wrapped around me and I was grateful. I asked him what the smile was about and that's when he filled me in on what he, Jesse and my other boys had been up to while I was asleep. He explained how Jesse made sure I fell into a deep sleep, I wanted to be angry but I needed it otherwise I wouldn't have slept at all tonight. I wasn't exactly angry with him or the boys because Ian deserved what was coming to him. I would have liked to have been in on the plan though before they left. Of course I would have tried to talk them out of it.

After he finished telling me what they had been up to he said the boys would be here at 8, that we could have breakfast here or go down town. I quickly said we would eat here, I wanted to cook for them. Especially Tristan and Jesse. Then he said we would be going down town, we were going to the police about Ian. I started to protest but he gave me the look and Jesse squeezed me letting me know they were here for me, they would stand by me through this whole process. I almost wanted to cry again but I didn't.

I asked what time it was and he said it was just after 7, the last few hours had flown by. I had to get up and race to the store to get enough stuff for breakfast for everyone. Feeding five males needed a lot of food. I told them my plans and Jesse said he would come with me. I climbed out of bed and made my way to closet finding some clean clothes, just before I slipped into the bathroom Tristan asked if I wanted to invite Scott over, wanting to help but I hadn't told him yet. I turned and looked at Jesse letting him know he could tell him before going into the bathroom. I don't know what sort of pain medication Jesse gave me but they hadn't worn off yet and I was grateful I could walk somewhat normally.

I heard some swearing come from the other room guessing Jesse had finished explaining about Scott. I wanted to be sad over it but I wasn't. I was beginning to realise that maybe I didn't really love him as much as I thought I still did, that maybe he wasn't the only one still in love with a memory. I ran a brush through my hair and stepped out into the room. Tristan instantly hugged me. I knew he wanted to know why I didn't tell him but I just shook my head. Jesse had a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on, I guess he had grabbed those last night when at the gym. We walked downstairs, my parent's still weren't home. I didn't care, I didn't want to have anything to do with them.

I hadn't told anyone yet but I was moving out as soon as I could. I had enough in my bank account to sustain me for a while, I would find a share house or something but I couldn't stay here any longer. In fact I was going to start the process for emancipation from them, I had the idea at some point through the night. They couldn't make me go through with the wedding if I wasn't legally attached to them and to be honest I didn't want to be dragged back into their drama. We made our way out the front, I could see Jesse holding some keys to what looked like Tristan's car. We quickly made our way to the shops and I gathered all the things I would need to make a big breakfast for all of them.

Jesse didn’t say anything as we walked through the shops, carrying the basket with one hand and reaching out to comfort me while I added things to the basket. We paid for everything and went home. Once home I shooed him out of the kitchen and told him to make himself comfortable in the lounge room with Tristan, he went to argue but stopped when he saw the look I was giving him. I found all the pots and pans that I would need and got started, the guys were going to flip it when they saw how much food I had cooked, there was bacon, eggs, sausages, fried chicken, pancakes, mushrooms, tomatoes and hash browns. As everything was cooking away I rummaged through the cupboard until I found the serving plates I wanted, plates, utensils etc.

I heard the front door open and Caleb, John and Max's voices drifted down the hallway. I smiled. All my boys here with me, showing me how much they care and support me. If you had asked me a year ago if I thought this would happen I would have said no, and even though last night was horrible it made me realise how much I care about these guys and how much  they really do care about me. Jesse walked into the kitchen to see if I needed help with anything and I told him he could set the dining table, something that rarely got used. Once it was all set I called out to everyone to come and sit down, when they were all sitting I brought out all the food, they were almost drooling.

They quickly dug in and I could see the chair next to Jesse empty ready for me but I couldn't eat. I tried to sneak out of the room but they weren't having any of that, so I sat down next to Jesse and placed some food on my plate. It wasn't much but it would keep them off my back. I started picking at the food when I felt a hand on my leg, I tensed at first until I realised it was Jesse and then I relaxed. I couldn't understand the feelings I was having right now towards him, had they always been there but I had been so caught up on Scott I hadn't noticed. I decided I would have plenty of time later to work it out and right now I would just enjoy his comfort. I figured once this all blew over we would go back to how we always were.

I ate half the food on my plate before I stood up and went upstairs to get my things ready to go to the police station. I was still nervous but I had all their support. By the time I finished getting ready and grabbing all my things they had cleared the table and I could hear the dishwasher, who knew they could clean up after themselves. I don't know which one of the boys asked if Scott was coming and I tensed again, I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder from either Jesse or Tristan I wasn't sure which, I was too busy looking at my feet. I nodded my head and whoever it was understood what I was saying. Tristan explained about Scott, there was some more swearing and anger but Tristan shut them down telling them it was a discussion for later.

Once everyone was ready we made our way out the front. I climbed into Tristan's car, Jesse getting in as well. The rest of the guys got in their cars and then it was like I had an entourage with two cars at the front and two cars at the back with me in the middle. We were almost to the police station when the negative thoughts kicked in, telling me this was a bad idea. I tried to voice them, Tristan was having none of it and Jesse just put his hand back on my shoulder, I calmed down. This was the right thing to do I had to remember that. We pulled up and once they were out I locked the doors knowing it wouldn't do any good because Tristan had the keys but it was worth a try wasn't it? He unlocked the car, reaching over he unbuckled my seat belt and grabbed my hand dragging me out of the car. I really didn't want to do this, mainly because I didn't want to relive it again. To stop me running away, they all formed a somewhat circle around me blocking off an escape.

Sighing I followed them into the building. As soon as the door closed I'm sure every police officer in the building stopped what they were doing to look at us. I saw recognition on two of their faces and they made their way over to us. Jesse took a few steps towards them, stopping them just out of ear shot. He quickly explained what we were there for and I could see a lot of emotions cross one of the officers faces, anger in particular. Was that directed at me? He pointed to a door across the room and came back. He quickly explained who the police were and that we could go straight into one of the rooms, I wasn't really listening. I felt a hand on my back, guiding me towards a door. I could hear footsteps behind me and realised everyone was following. Jesse opened the door and we walked in he, guided me to a chair and sat in the one next to me, moving his chair as close as possible putting his arm across my shoulders.

I relished in the comfort it provided, I was going to need it. Next thing I know all of the boys shuffled into the room. It was a tight fit, the room wasn't that big. Jesse whispered in my ear that I was just hear to make a statement, which involved me explain everything that had happened in the past up until last night, then I would have to go to the hospital to get checked out and he had taken care of the rest. I gave him a small smile, I was still worried that they would all get into trouble. As if sensing my thoughts he quickly explained that none of them would be in any trouble. Ian's injuries were put down as a he was involved in street fighting. I wasn't going to get into any trouble for participating in the fights because they were investigating that. Given why I was there they were going to make sure no one decided to investigate, Jesse said they would make sure that their boss agreed.

I didn't know how they would swing that but Jesse trusted them and so, so would I. A few minutes later in walked the police officers Jesse had been talking to before. They looked around the room at all the guys. He explained that if I wanted the guys could leave but I shook my head I wanted them here. He told me I had two ways of doing the statement, that I could write it all down or they could video tape it. If they videoed there would be less chance that I would have to go to court, there was always the possibility but it would lessen it.

I agreed to have it video-taped, they asked some routine questions before getting to what they really wanted to know and so for the second time today I launched into my story, not leaving a single detail out, I could hear growling from someone behind me but I ignored it and kept going. Jesse rubbed my shoulder reassuringly never moving his arm, after I finished explaining the first time, I suddenly had a lot more hands on me, giving me their support and that moment made it all easier and I quickly got through the rest. I had tears again by the end but they were all still supporting me.

Once I was finished and he turned the camera off Mark, the main police officer told me I had done well. They would be able to convict him, hopefully without me making a court appearance. They couldn't tell me how long he would be put away for but I didn't care. They told me to head to the hospital and tell the reception staff that Mark had sent me, they would know why I was there. I nodded before standing up, Jesse grabbed my hand and we walked out of the room with all the guys following me.

We exited the station and Tristan unlocked his car, I climbed in and we took off to the hospital. Once again they all refused to leave me. It only took a few minutes to get to the hospital, as we left the carpark Jesse had one hand and Tristan the other, with John, Caleb and Max walking behind me. This caused me to get some strange looks but they didn't understand how much this meant to me. One of the security guards approached us to ensure there would be no trouble. Jesse told him there wouldn't be and we went over to reception. Tristan did all the talking which I was grateful for I wasn't sure I had any words left. A few minutes later a nurse came around the corner and called for me. I walked towards her with all the guys, I saw a small smile grace her lips, I guess she got it.

She led us to a room and said that I could only have one person come in as the room wasn’t big enough for everyone. I declined anyone coming in with me, they went to protest but I quietened them with one look. This was going to embarrassing enough as it was without them been there. The nurse led me into the room and asked me to climb onto the bed and explained the doctor would be here in a moment, she then run through what they would be doing, I just nodded my head. The doctor walked in and gave me a warm smile, again going through everything that would happen. I wasn't really listening I just followed her instructions, we had gotten through the first part of the exam when I realised I couldn’t do this on my own.

I knew Tristan might be a little upset that it wasn't him that I called for but I needed the person who had been there holding me for most of the morning. I whispered Jesse's name and the nurse picked it up, sticking her head out the door she called out for him and within seconds he was by my side, he grabbed my head and leant down resting his head on mine, whispering to me how he was here, that he wasn't going anywhere and then a bunch a random facts as they got to the more intrusive exam. I closed my eyes and let Jesse's voice and touch soothe me while I went through this. It was in that moment that a thought popped into my head. Did I feel more then friendship towards Jesse? He was the one I trusted the most out of everyone and I was that person for him.

He hadn't left when I told him what happened, hell he went to help get revenge before even knowing the full story and once he knew he just held me even closer, all day he had made sure that I felt his support. When the hell did this happen and how had I not noticed. Was I really that caught up on Scott that I couldn't see what was right in front of me. This really wasn't the time to be thinking about this. I needed to think about this some more, once I got home and could think clearly.
We finished up at the hospital, Jesse again not leaving me. We decided to head out and get some lunch. We pulled up out the front of a local café, the boys all ordering hamburgers and what not while I just ordered some chips and gravy. I still didn't have much of an appetite. I was too busy trying to work out when I had developed these feelings for Jesse and what the hell I was supposed to do about them. I wasn't worried about my parents finding out about Ian, I wouldn't be linked to them in any way soon. I finished before the guys and told them I would be back in a minute, Jesse went to follow but I told them all to wait there.

I walked out of the café and down three doors to the lawyers office, hoping they weren't busy. Thankfully they weren't I was able to go straight in and discuss what I wanted with her. I quickly explained what I wanted and why, she told me it would be straight forward especially given the circumstances given they were trying to force me to get married. She gave me the paperwork which I filled in while I was there, I was going to be longer than planned but the guys would wait for me. Once it was all done, she let me know she would see if she could push it through and hopefully by Monday I would be free of my parents. I was excited, despite everything I could still feel excitement over this. I was going home to pack my room so that over the weekend I could move out, as long as I could find somewhere that quickly.

I made my way out of the lawyers office with a smile on my face, a genuine one. The guys were all standing out the front of the café looking up and down the street for me. When they saw me I saw relief cross their features, I made the few steps towards them and explained what I had been doing. Tristan was grinning like an idiot and told me about time. We chatted for a few moments before they said they had to head off, I gave each of them a quick hug and said goodbye promising to go and see them soon. I turned and made my way towards Tristan's car, he unlocked it and I climbed in, so did Tristan and Jesse. Hadn't I just said goodbye to him.

I was going to ask what he was doing but instead decided to go with it. We got back to my place and my parent's still weren't home, I was surprised but this actually worked out better than planned. I told the guys I was going to start packing, planning on been out of here first thing tomorrow and only taking what I needed. I placed two suitcases on the bed and began to put my clothes and important items in. I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn't hear Jesse walk into the room. He wrapped his arms around me and I smiled. I turned around so I could wrap my arms around him. I mumbled a thank you for today and he kissed my head and  told me anytime.

He let me go and I went back to packing. I still wasn't sure where I was going but I didn't care. Ian would be locked up, I would be free of my parents and their stupid contract and I had amazing friends. I had so much stuff to fill Megan and Luke in on but that would come next week. As I was packing I wasn't really listening to what Jesse was saying until he asked me what I thought, I turned to look at him confused. What did I think about what. He chuckled and explained that the small apartment complex that he and the other guys lived in had an empty apartment, that it wasn't flash but the rent was reasonable and they knew the landlord so it would be mine if I wanted it.

A huge smile graced my face, of course I wanted it. I asked him if he was sure he and the boys would be happy to have me around that much and he explained that they had talked about it at lunch while I was gone. This was perfect. I wouldn't have to be worried about who would find me because they would all be there. As soon as he seen my face he smiled, again there was something unreadable in his eyes. He told me he would call the landlord now and if all went to plan we could over their tonight, he could organise the guys to come and get the big furniture and I wouldn't even have to see my parents or Scott again. That sounded amazing. I jumped into his arms wrapping my arms and legs around him, repeating thank you. How did I get so lucky to have such amazing friends.

He wrapped his arms around me and told me I didn't need to thank him or the others they wanted to help. He held me for a little while longer before putting me down so he could go and make the phone calls he needed to make. I packed with more enthusiasm and I was all done before he came back upstairs. He told me it was all good to go and that I just needed to pay six weeks rent, which I assured him wouldn't be an issue. The five thousand I had from last night would more then cover it. Max and Caleb couldn't make it but John was going to get a ute and we would be here as soon as he could.

It didn't take long once John arrived to load all my stuff, I left my keys on the bench with no note and closed the doors. This was the start of my next adventure. I knew that I would have struggled to find a place without the guys help it was another thing I had to thank them for. Somehow. We arrived at the complex that wasn't far from the gym which was great. I was planning on getting my bike on Monday so I had some form of transport. Once everything was in John went to return the ute, Tristan and Jesse were out talking in the hallway so I began to unpack what I had. I needed more furniture such as a lounge and things for the kitchen etc. It was still only relatively early in the day so I figured once I was done putting my small amount of stuff away I would go shopping.

Tristan entered at some point and explained Jesse had to head off to do somethings but would be back later. I was a little bummed he didn't say goodbye but I got it. Tristan helped me with the last of my things before declaring he was taking me shopping. I grabbed out some more cash from the tin, I figured ten thousand should cover what I needed it to. It barely put a dint in the tin, buying a bike on Monday however would but that was okay it was about time I got a job.

As we drove to the commercial distract of town I knew I had to talk to someone about the feelings I was suddenly feeling for Jesse. Did it make me a bad person when I had just spent the last two weeks convincing myself I was still in love with Scott. A nagging voice in the back of my head said it did but I tried not to listen to it instead I poured out the jumbled mess of thoughts from my head at Tristan like normal he sat and listened until I was done. His reply was simple, things have a way of working themselves out, when the right moment happens you will know exactly what you are feeling and what he is feeling. He reminded me it didn’t make me a bad person, that Scott and I had a history and with how everything occurred with him coming back it was no wonder I believed I still had feelings for him. He told me Scott was an idiot but it was good that we realised this before we were married. I had to be true to myself and Scott wouldn't allow that. I had a feeling Tristan knew more than he was letting on but I didn't push him.

Instead I dragged him around a bunch of stores buying furniture which I paid extra to have delivered between 4 and 5pm. I wanted to have it all tonight I was on a high that I didn't want to come down from, I was still sad and angry inside but I wanted to enjoy this. Tristan was carrying so many bags by the time we left, grumbling about never going shopping with me again but smiling every time I looked at him. He was glad to see me somewhat okay.