Just Jump ➵ TomTord

『18』

hey, i'm having another sleepover. it's 2 am and it's a school day lmao i'm a rebel

•note: bold words in parentheses is what i, the author, is saying•
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I feel like death. That's what I feel like.

It's common for people who feel like death. But, I actually feel dead.

But I'm just sitting here, Tord's arms wrapped around my torso and his legs tangled with mine.

I cut because I thought he didn't want me.
I cut because I thought my friends hate me.
But all those voices in my head disappeared.

It's like... I'm free again...

"Tom?" I heard a calm, tired voice. I looked down and saw Tord, looking up at me in confusion and worry.

"Yeah?" I asked.

Tord's lips parted as he took a shaky breath. "N-nevermind." Tord exhaled, resting head back onto my chest.

I kind of wanted to push him. Ask him what he wanted to ask.

Or do.

But I didn't. Instead, I tried to go to sleep.

Emphasis on tried.

I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about cutting.

How the blades (or razors) dragged across my skin and how my blood leaked out.

Hurting myself satisfied me. It made me forget about all the true pain hurting me deep inside.

It made me happier.

But now I've found my new happiness.

And that's Tord.

• • •

I woke up without feeling anything next to me. I turned around to see no one.

Just me.

Maybe yesterday was a dream?

Yeah, makes sense.

I sat up, feeling a small sting in my left arm. I lifted up my arm and pulled the sleeves down.

It was covered in bandages. I don't remember bandaging my arm. I stood up, walking over to my bathroom.

I pulled open the cabinet that I kept my box of (bey)blades.

But the box wasn't anywhere to be seen. I checked the trash and the razor I recently cut with wasn't there either.

"Looking for your razors?"

I turned around to see Tord, standing in the doorway with a dull expression.

"Uh-"

"Well, I got rid of them. You need—"

"Thanks,"