Seeing In Color | Transgender

Chapter 4

The same cold stone steps I sit on are getting colder. The same spot warms my core with the memories of my solitary being interrupted by his smile and his words. This might be my spot, but I've started to share it with him.

He's late today. I remember seeing him talking to some people before coming out. He was walking quite slowly. Laughing. Smiling. All the pleasure a boy like him deserves and won't receive from a person like me. So, I truly don't mind.

I can feel a shadow looming over me to cover the light that shined across my eyes because it couldn't shine inside. I almost smiled, hoping it to be him. But once I absorbed the hatred and devilish tone the shadow gave off, I knew it wasn't him. It was no where close to him. So I began to frown.

"You made a friend, didn't ya, freak?" He says.

I look up to see Danny cross his arms defiantly. I want to smack that perfect smirk off his face as if it would knock the evil out of him and fill only with kindness, but I couldn't. There was no kindness left in the world.

"Not talking, are ya?" He asks with a chuckle.

This means new territory for him. When I've given up trying to talk back and I don't talk at all, Danny knows he's won that day. Today. He knows he can explore whatever type of torture his mind can manifest in the moment because no one will care about the little kid in the corner with the broken mind and bleeding nose. I know I don't.

"Let's make something clear, alright?" He crouches down to my level and looks me eye to eye.

It's then I notice the marsh of brown and black his eyes swirl into to create the perfect essence of an eye of the storm. His mind causing the storm as words fly out of his mouth causing the destruction and damage, destroying all in its way. His eyes would be satisfying if it weren't for that look they had in them. The tiny squint they continuously have that makes you feel uncomfortable and scared at the same time. I never noticed this until now. When did I become so careless with my observations?

"Rylan Malcolm, he's not your friend." Danny says harshly, "He'll never be your friend. Thing is, I saw some kids paying him to pretend to be your friend so they could just break you down again. Pretty funny if you ask me." Danny shrugs his shoulders.

I still don't say anything back. My expression doesn't even change. I don't even think. I don't process the destructive words coming out of his mouth. When he realizes this has no effect, he continues with the storm.

"Listen, I'm being nice for once. I'm warning you. Be grateful, you shit." Danny scoffed, "Fag."

He pushes my head to the side roughly. I don't dare move. I look down at the ground and no longer look him in the eyes. I can't handle the storm anymore. I attempt to confine myself in the cellar of my mind and lock it with the shut of my skin tight lids over my eyes. It doesn't work.

"God, you're so pathetic." Danny chuckles out.

"I could say the same thing about you." A voice comes in.

I look up to see Rylan walking up from the hill. The light shines over him as he squints his eyes in clarification. He walks over to Danny and stops only a few feet from him. He's alone. He always comes alone. I can't help but wonder why.

"Screw off, Malcolm. No one asked you to be here." Danny shoos him away.

"And no one asked you to be an asshole, but Hey! Look where we are." Riley says with humor. I can't help but chuckle. Danny catches on to this and isn't having any of it.

"You think this is funny? Huh?" Danny has his hands around my shirt collar in a second and suddenly it's not so funny anymore. It all just happened so quick, "I'll show you something funny." Danny whispers.

"Oh, I'm sure you would. But trust me bud, nothing makes me laugh more than that amusingly ugly face of yours." Rylan fake laughs and I only smile this time, I can't risk anything else.

Danny suddenly has his hands off of me and he's looking back at Rylan. His brows furrow as he examines Rylan closely. Rylan hasn't budged. He continues to smile and watched as Danny examines him. Rylan stuffs his hands into his pockets calmly.

"You know, Malcolm. You're all talk." Danny says.

"Says who?" Rylan questions.

"Says me."

"Says you?"

"Yeah, says me."

"Since when do I care what you say?" Rylan asks with a chuckle and so much hatred and attack.

"Exactly, so why don't you skip yourself over to some other freak show." Danny waves his hands away.

"I'll stick with this one. I'm quite fond of it." Rylan smiles back.

Rylan stands his ground. His arms cross over his chest with a devilish smirk plastered on his face. I'm suddenly happier than I've ever felt myself become. Rylan wasn't backing down. He wasn't going to let me get harassed anymore. Rylan wasn't going to allow it. I had someone to stick up for me. It didn't matter if Rylan was actually doing this on a bet or not, I could still enjoy it in the moment. That's what moments were for, weren't they?

Danny scoffs, "Suit yourself." He angrily pushes past Rylan, bumping his shoulder with a harsh force. It doesn't seem to phase Rylan much, simply agitates him.

Rylan watches as Danny walks away with his usual group of friends. I don't need to see his face to know he's furrowing in disgust. That makes two of us, Rylan Malcolm. Although, as he turns his attention back to me his expression changes. It starts to soften to nothingness and slowly flips to a smile. It's a small turn of the lips and it's so little but genuine. It's that smile that clicks everything for me. How could a simple smile from this complicated boy put everything in place for me? It didn't matter, but one thing was clear; he cared.