Wife for Hire

Chapter 1: Lulu

Chapter 1: Lulu

Seher Lulu Mirza,

By the time you read this letter, I'll be no more. My dear, I can't begin to explain to you how much this decision of mine agonized me. Only God knows how much I love you, Ishak, and Arman. You already have so much responsibility on your young shoulders, and I've made it worse.

You must be wondering why I would do this to you. Haven't I tortured you enough already? You couldn't graduate high school, attend college, or afford things girls your age could. All because of my decision to move to America. But it wasn't because I was trying to escape the abuse from your father. It was because I dreamed of a better life for my beautiful children.

I failed as a mother to provide that.

Two weeks ago, I visited our family doctor upon your insistence. As you know, I had been coughing up blood and falling ill more than usual. After a full blood checkup, the doctor diagnosed me with Stage 4 leukemia. Blood cancer. The treatment would cost a fortune, and the doctor wasn't sure I would make it with my overworked body. How could I ever do this to our family, Lulu? We barely scrape by in the first place. Neither the hospital nor the government would provide us financial assistance. Even if they do, we'd come up in their books as illegal citizens and they would never help us. In fact, we'd get deported.

That's the last thing I want for my children.

I couldn't waste our money on my illness, so I decided to take matters in my own hands. In my attempt to take away the burden of me, I've put the burden of your brothers on you. It's selfish of me to do this to you. But I need you to step in my shoes and watch out for those two. My dear Arman has so many hopes and dreams of becoming a pilot. As for Ishak, he's always been quiet and reserved. Yet, I know he wishes to become a travel writer. You, my love, forgot how to dream as soon as you dropped out of high school to work.

I need you to find some way of attaining American citizenship for your and your brothers' sake.

Don't resume living a life of misery and torture like your mother.

Your life can fall apart faster than the blink of eye, so seize what you can in those tiny moments. You don't get another shot.

You're my strong baby. I know our community sees us as kafirs [non-believers], but rabb [God] exists in our souls. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

Please forgive me for what I am about to do to our family, but I have no other choice. If I had told you about cancer, you would've worked like a dog to make ends meet, and I can't allow that to happen.

Forgive your ma, Seher Lulu Mirza.

For she has given you nothing but a life of misery.

And now, she's taking her own life.

* * * *

I slipped the letter in my raggedy black purse and swallowed hard.

It must be easy, right?

Leaving your children haunted by your suicide.

Leaving your oldest child to come home to your lifeless body handing by a rope in the middle of the room.

I had been so excited that day. I had come home with fantastic news about how I had earned a raise at work and ma could finally work less.

I pushed away the tears that escaped as thoughts of her blood cancer entered my mind. She had justified her death because of leukemia. As an educated woman, couldn't she have talked to me about it? We could've figured something out and gotten help from friends and neighbors. Some kind of a sponsor or funding.