When Old Dreams Come True

Part 5

I stare at the man before me, taking him in as I feel my heart speed up.  "You can't be here."  I whisper, "You left."  I shake my head trying to clear the illusion before me.  

"I know Audge, and I'm so damn sorry honey."  He takes a step closer to me and I step back, feeling Linda at my side.  

"Don't, just don't."  I say my voice cracking.  "What do you want Chris?"

He sighs his blue eyes filled with some sort of emotion I can't read.  "I wanted to see you.  Make sure you were doin' okay."  He says his deep voice doing things to my heart.  "I didn't want to leave you all those years ago-"

"But you did Chris.  Now if theres nothing I can help you with, I need to get back to work."

"I know I did.  I wanted to keep you safe, give you a chance to find out what you wanted."

I cross my arms and look away from him, swallowing hard.  "All I wanted was to be with you.  But you ruined that chance, when you told me you couldn't be with me anymore and left with no freaking explanation!  And I wasn't safe!  I was still in the same damn house as him and didn't have you to run too anymore!"  I glare at him, tears threatening to spill from my dark eyes.  "Just go away Christopher."  I turn away and start towards the barn, stopping when I hear him call me name.

"I am sorry honey.  I never wanted to hurt you, that was the last thing I wanted."  A moment later I hear footsteps moving away from me and the sound of a car door being opened and closed.  I move back to the barn not looking back as his truck pulls out, and moves down the drive.

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I slide saddle up onto the saddle rack as Pumba comes up next to me nudging my side and whining.  I pause my current task and scratch his ears, but he whines again and nudges me to a wall.  I hit the wall of the tack room as the feeling of dizziness sinks in.  Slowly I slide down the wall feeling my chest tighten the all to familiar signs of a panic attack hit me full force.   My vision starts to go in and out of focus as I struggle to get my breathing under control. I'm vaguely aware of something warm pushing against me. I pull my knees tight to my chest as the feeling of complete and under panic sets in and my breathing becomes more labored and my vision starts fading to black.

I slowly blink awake feeling the weight of something resting on my stomach and let out a shaky breath, as I blink against the light.  I shift my head wincing as the movement sends sharp pain shooting up my neck.  I see Pumba lying next to me his head, on my stomach.  I start to push myself and cringe as the world spins around me.  "Hey, go slow hon."  I jump at the voice and groan the sudden movement painful.  Suddenly a face appears in front of me and reaches behind me slowly helping me to sit up and lean against the sold wall.  

"Chris."  I say my voice weak and scratchy.  I blink again trying to get my head to stop spinning.  Suddenly a nauseous feeling over takes me and I frantically look around and suddenly have a bucket thrust in front of me.  As the contents of my stomach empties out a warm strong hand gathers my hair and rubs the top part of my back.    I let out a shaky breath as I lean back against the wall.  

"Take it easy Audge, I'll be back in just a minute."  I hear his voice and the sound of retreating footsteps as a warm slimy tongue swipes across my face.  

"It's alright you oaf.  I'm okay."  I run my hand over Pumbas soft face rubbing the many wrinkles.  Moments later Chris steps back into the room Linda behind him.  I hear the tell tale thumoing sound of Pumbas wagging tail, and smile a bit.  Linda moves past the tall man and sits next to me letting out a heavy sigh.  I look over to Chris as he sits a short ways away.  "What are you doing here?"  

His blue eyes are focused on me and seem to be trying to learn something from me.  "I was driving by and heard loud barking and pulled over."  He pauses gesturing to Linda, "Thats when she came running from your driveway and started pushing on me and whining.  She took off back this way and I just followed her.  I got here and saw that big boy sitting next to you whining and nudging you.  Then you passed out."  I nod and run my hand over my head.  "Audrey."

"Hmm?"  I ask quietly as I open my eyes once again.  

"How long have you been having panic attacks?"  He asks his voice low.

I glance away from him,  "They started after you left.  They had stopped, at least until about two years ago, when Blake filed for divorce."

I hear him curse under his breath, "It's not you fault Chris.  It's my problem."

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