after the kissing booth

noahs words

noahs pov

i should have known it wouldn't be easy to be happy.i cant help but wonder if this is all karma.Evelyn's surgery failed again so we have to go meet with the doctors to discuss a plan.the last time we met with the doctor he said she wasn't coming home for a couple of months after the surgery but now that the surgery didnt even work who knows now.i think deep down elle resents me for this all.the doctor told us elle went into such early labor because of all the stress she was under.Evelyn had multiple problems but the biggest one is her kidney that is failing.two months after evelyn was born elle found out she was pregnant again and after that she fell into a really dark place.she didnt talk to me except for about evelyn she never did ultra sound pictures and she wasn't excited at all.she had really severe post partum from evelyn.shortly after finding out we were pregnant we found out we were having triplets and everyone was excited except for elle.the pregnancy was very high risk and she still had her postpartum from evelyn.over all life was pretty bad.elle said she hated that she was gonna have 4 babies in the hospital and that everything was falling apart.at four months in to the pregnancy the doctor told us baby B was having a lot of problems and had a 50% chance of making it.evelyn is beautiful and amazing but she has also been given a 50% chance of living.

elle never really talks to anyone not even lee.i know that she resents me in some way for evelyn's problems if i hadn't cheated on her the family would have been together and supporting her and evelyn would be fine but instead this is where we are.after the appointment with evelyn's doctor we have to go to an ultrasound for he triplets.the only nice conversation we've had was picking out names for the triplets which are two boys and a girl.spencer and toby for the boys and Aria for the girl.toby is the baby that is struggling.we have 2 kids in high danger of dying and 2 stuck in  the middle of the mess.i tried really hard to connect with elle and to help her with this all but she completely shuts me out.i think elle is in a really dangerous place and should not be alone but but when i try to get her to open up she gets mad . we have 12 more weeks of this pregnancy and well i dont think were going to enjoy any of them.

i went down the stairs to where elle was "ready" i said she didnt respond she just got up and walked passed me out the door.moments like this really show me just how bad it all is and how different things are.before this all elle would smile and we would kiss and hug before walking out the door to go somewhere.

we went to evelyn's doctor and as usual just rescheduled her surgery but this time we couldn't even go and see her because they were running tests.elle didnt say a single thing to me as usual.she wasn't really posting on social media either i was the one updating all our frieinds.as we were sitting in the car i made the cautious decision to say something to elle."elle do you blame me for evelyn" she didnt even look up "kind of but not just you everyone " apart of me wanted her to say she didnt but the other part of me wanted her to be honest."elle im so sorry" she looked up to her window and starred out it for a while "stop noah".that was all she said to me and i knew at that point i was loosing her.

hey guys so super dramatic, depressing and crazy right so let me know what you think.yes the babies names are from pretty little liars and this probably isn't very medically realistic but oh well.