Misconceptions (An Isaac Lahey Fanfiction)

Chapter 6; Numb

Chapter 6;  Numb

~to be numb is not to be weak

to be numb is not to belittle the being

to be numb is not misunderstanding

to be numb is not to abandon the self

there just comes a point in life when you feel nothing -Unknown poet~

Kaya's POV

Alison dropped me off at my house after things had settled down. I walked in the front door locking it behind me then dropping the keys onto the table by the stares. I was numb. You would think feeling nothing is better than being in pain or sad but it's not. I was numb, and alone. Confused as to what was going on around me and seeming to have nobody. I slowly walked up the stairs and drew myself a warm bubble bath before finally getting in. I tried to let my mind relax and for the first time in a week not worry. Not worry about anything but when you dad kills himself and you're left with a distraught mom taking you across the country it's kind of hard to just not worry. I think back to when I heard the news, I was at volleyball practice sucking it up completely. I couldn't keep my mind off the fight me and my dad had before I left this morning. It was stupid but he just seemed so down, I should have noticed. How did I not notice? Our counselor walked in and pulled me aside, little did I know what she was going to tell me would kill me inside. The drive home was painful, knowing my mom had walked in to see him at the bottom of the stairs, blood everywhere. It hurt, it hurt so bad. The funeral hurt even more, people I don't even know showed up giving condolences and grieving while my mom just stood there glossy eyes the entire time. After another week my mom decided we couldn't stay in our house anymore, so we packed up and left. I didn't even feel anything after the funeral. I was numb, numb when I found my mom with a knife in her hand and a bloody wrist, numb when she talked my through suturing it, numb when we packed up his things, and numb when we couldn't find a letter from him. No good bye nothing. But the move has been good for my mom, she's working more but it keeps her distracted. She's made friends who can keep an eye on her and she's starting to talk to me again. The bath is getting cooler now and I go under holding my breath for as long as possible trying as hard as I could to be nothing, just for a moment to be nothing. I emerged from the water and let the tub drain wrapping myself in a towel and stepping onto the cool tiles of the bathroom. I walked to my room and put on my pajamas and combing through my hair before brushing my teeth. When I was finished I walked back downstairs to watch a movie. I slid in the perks of being a wall flower DVD and tried to watch but the silent tears that were flowing didn't help. After about 15 minutes my water works were interrupted by the doorbell. I jumped nervously before walking to the door slowly and looking through the peep hole seeing it was only Matt.

"Hey Matt, uh what are you doing here? And um, how do you know where I live?" I asked nervously twirling wet hair between my fingers

"Well, when you left the library you dropped your book. So I asked stiles where you lived so I could drop it off." He responded with a kind voice. Something that I hadn't really heard in a while. I suddenly became self conscious as I realized what I probably looked like, puffy eyes and no make up.

"Are you okay? Have you been crying?" he asked gently rubbing my arm warily.

"Uh yeah, but I'm fine." I said trying to keep the tears down and extending my arm out for the book. He put it in my hand but continued to rub my arm. "Uh, do you wanna watch a movie?" I asked nervously. I didn't really want to be alone right now and Matt seemed like a pretty nice guy.

"Sure." He said smiling before coming in and kicking his shoes off at the door. I closed the door behind him and continued to lock the door and the deadbolt before leading him to the living room.

"I just started this so I can restart it if you want." I said sitting on the couch putting the blanket I had back over my legs.

"That, sounds great." He said giving me a loving smile and looking into my eyes making me blush before starting the movie over. Somehow during the movie we had gotten into the position of me resting my head on his chest while he had his arm around my using his thumb to play with my hair. I felt safe and he made me feel like someone cared. The movie was ending and I could feel myself starting to cry, the end always has me balling. And soon enough I was.

"Shhh, it's okay Kaya." Matt said while holding my tighter while rubbing circles into my back and it made me feel something I hadn't in a while, gratitude. Thankful, that someone in this bizarre town was normal and didn't kill people, and care for the well being of others. We stayed like this for a while before I got up.

"Thank you Matt." I said before standing and walking towards the door.

"No problem, anytime you need someone I'm here okay?" He asked giving me one more hug.

"Okay." I responded into his chest before he left leaving me to feel not numb but nostalgic. I wanted him to stay and hold me. I wanted to feel like everything was alright.