I don't just want to be your Friend(Jang wonyoung)

Thin ice

After that night, my relationship with Wonyoung felt like it was on a downward spiral. I knew I needed to talk to her about it but just didn't dare to confront her. I was afraid that she was angry at me and then bringing up the events that unraveled that night would be like peeling of a bandaid on a fresh wound, allowing the situation to worsen. I realised how selfish I was in light of the aftermath and felt really sorry towards her.

Part of me also wondered about the message Yujin relayed to me and how she hasn't rejected me. It's amazing how much of a douche I can be too. How could I still care so much about my wishes to be Wonyoung's boyfriend when I just watched how those wishes hurt her. And yet, there I was. Frankly I'm disgusted with myself not just as a friend, but as a human being.

Alas any self criticism or half ass attempt at making myself look better won't do me any good. I should've confronted the situation immediately but yet, I let this awkward silence between me and Wonyoung drag on. It resulted in some pretty torturous days which, trust me, I would never want to experience again. Some things that happened included us not talking to each other, making mistakes during practice which resulted in some pretty terrible punishments and of course, stress that we really didn't need. After a couple of weeks of me just putting up with this and hoping it will all pass, I decided to do something about it.

Me: Wonyoung, I think we need to talk about what happened that day. Face to face that is. I knew that it would be awkward but it was necessary to keep our friendship from sinking.

Wonyoung: Ok. This short response from her just showcased our feelings toward each other and he talkative and fun self no longer surfaced. We arranged to talk after training the next day over dinner.

"I don't know why I did it. It was the spur of the moment kind of thing. I'm sorry." I tried to get her to forgive and maybe that would remedy our issues.

"I know you are but I'm still deeply hurt by your actions. Your actions make me think you getting close to me was all just for personal gain and I just felt like a toy that you were meddling with." She had a point, though I didn't want to admit it.

"Yeah I did it for my personal gain and it was selfish. I don't know what I should do about it but to say sorry." I really didn't know what else to say at that point but I needed to watch my words carefully so as to hurt her even more.

"So should we just pretend like it never happened?", Wonyoung basically whispered her question as she looked down. I didn't know what to think other than to agree. It seemed like the most sensible thing for me to do and also the only way I could heal my friendship with Wonyoung.

"I guess so. They say time heals all wounds right?" I paused as she looked up and nodded, signalling to me that everything was about to get back to normal, or so I thought.