30 days of me(Spoiler: it's not exactly 30 days straight...)

September 3-5, 2018

September 3, 2018

I'm writing this on the fifth of September because my aunty took away my phone after she got mad...

Anyways, nothing really happened that day expect my dad's friends came over and my mom talked to them while my Aunty Lyn made spaghetti. All I remember is my friends and I made a group chat with this random guy from Italy and we pretended to be from Europe. He messaged us first so we just pretended to live in a made up country for fun. They helped distract me because I haven't stopped crying until then and I haven't left the house until then to see my friends.

September 4, 2018

Everything was fine that day. Until the night time when my Aunty showed me her true colors. I woke up at 12 because I've been staying up with my mom until around 5am. Then I ate food with my grandparents and I met my dads sister and my dads parents came over as well to help my mom plan the funeral. His dad reminded me of him a lot. He was less shy though.

Then after my siblings stayed with my grandparents so I went to my room and I continued song writing, which went super well. After a while at 9 Marc and I started playing fortnite. We played squads and since it was PC we played with two random people. Then Harly joined us and we played with a random guy who wouldn't talk to us. It was fun. Then the game ended and my grandma told me to get my brother and I told her he can come in my room with me since no one was in there but me. Then my Aunty told me to turn off my computer for no reason, but to take my brother even though it was only 9:30 and he wasn't going to fall asleep soon anyways.

So I was turning off fortnite when she said if I'm so good now then I can start going back to school. I don't think she realizes that other people have feelings too. That people grief differently. I was going to ignore her stupidness until she said excuse are you not going to listen to me and turn off your computer. So since she was being dumb and accusing me of something I didn't do I said excuse me I already am.

She started saying things like I am being disrespectful and I need to help my mom because she is sad. I was telling her that I was sad too and all I was doing is talking to my friend. Then she started saying things like I'm the reason he killed himself and I'm the reason my real dad left me. I told her something which I forgot now and I said I was allowed to be mad at my dad for what he did. She threatened to tell my mom and I said go ahead because I already did. That's when she came into the room and slapped across the face so I pushed her away and my grandma tried to come in between us to stop her from continuing to make dumb choices. Then she continued to attack me so I hit her back, but she was being petty and dragged me by the hair on to my floor since that is all she can do....

After she proceeds to say more dumb stuff after my grandpa stopped her. I ran to the kitchen to grab a knife, but my grandma took it from me before I could do anything. Then she took my to my moms room where my Aunty started telling my mom lies about what happened and took my phone and pretended to record me crying. She said she was going to post it, but I know it was another lie since I know my phone camera was broken. She started saying more dumb stuff like she didn't care my dad died. She left and that's when I assume she took my computer and which she didn't buy, my dad did so she doesn't have a right to take it. She came back and started telling everyone that I didn't listen to her when she said turn off my computer and that I was giving her attitude, which isn't true so I called her out and she came and started pulled my hair again.

My mom tried to lecture me, but I did nothing wrong so I tired to tell her what happened and she told me to stop talking. If she wasn't going to let me talk then I wasn't going to listen. My dad was the only one who would talk to me and listen to how I felt. Now he was gone and no one would really care about me now. I get that quote now, the one that says "you could be surrounded by people and still feel alone".

The reason I was even playing fortnite was so I could talk to someone. My mom wouldn't talk to me and none else in my family would. They all said to not talk about it because of my mom and even my mom wouldn't talk to me about it. So what else was I suppose to do. My friends are the only people who have been there for me.

I'm going to stop caring at this point. There really doesn't seem like anyone in my family really cares either. So why should I.