30 days of me(Spoiler: it's not exactly 30 days straight...)

September 2, 2018

Last night, well early this morning I slept with my mom in their room. I didn't sleep until 5 am. I was woken up around 8. When I woke up my Aunty told me to change my brother's diaper because my mom was outside with Frank and someone who I don't recall her name.

When he got up he came on the bed and asked me where mommy was. I told him she was outside. Then he told me something that surprised me and broke my heart. He said "My daddy at the doctors."

He didn't even ask where he was for some reason he knew dad wasn't home.

My mom came back in and I had to take Cory to the living room to eat breakfast. I don't think she could look at him at that moment.

He ate what my grandpa made him and then my sister woke up and joined us. It made me sad that they were both blissfully ignorant to where their dad truly was. I went to my room to continue crying. I picked up my laundry from the day before and spent hours trying to fold it in between crying and going on my phone to distract my sadness.

My grandma asked me to get my siblings from downstairs to go eat lunch. My Aunty Lyn, grandpa Dino, grandma Eve, and my Aunty Lorain were in the living room and came to see us. Grandpa Dino patted my head and my Aunties gave me hugs. I sat on the couch crying and my Aunty rubbed my arm to comfort me.

I ate my food and went back to my room. I stayed in there until my mom asked me to go with her to her grandma's grave. Me, my mom, my Aunty Lyn, and my grandpa went together. The drive was sad and my Aunty talked about life insurance and social security. She gave me a chocolate mint. It was still impossible to wrap my head around the fact he is gone. That he is no longer with us. That he actually left us. My Aunty took a call and she talked in a different language, but it sounded like she was telling my mom he was practicing the act before he did it.

Once we got to the grave yard my mom started throwing up. We barely stayed. After she sat down next to the grave we left her to have alone time and after a minute we took off back home.

I sat in my room thinking for a while. Then some crying. I had joined my mom in her room after that and my Uncle Paul had gotten us food. He bought me a Big Mac. The first time I had one was with Jonathan.

I ate the food in my moms room but she went outside to eat with everyone else...

Jonathan's