Awkward (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 3

Thursday, my brother had hockey practice. Which meant that Damien's little brother had it too. I decided that Damien and I were cool now. The last few days he hadn't been acting weird like when I first met him at the hockey rink, and then again in art class and outside of the shcool. I was starting to think that I could trust him. But I think I was also starting to fall for him. I was pretty sure he was gay now, even though he never actually said it. It was pretty obvious if you couldn't tell.

When I made it to the skating rink to pick up Zach, I stood at the back of the room, scanning the bleachers for any sight of Damien. I was about half an hour early so there were only three other people in the whole place, none of which were Damien. When I saw that he wasn't there yet, I made my way down to my usual spot.

I sat there watching kids chasing the puck, slipping, sliding, and falling over each other for fifteen minutes before I felt like someone was behind me. No, it wasn't just someone. I don't know how I knew, but it was Damien. I could feel it. Suddenly, a ripple of chills run though my body and cause me to get goosebumps all over, but not from the cold.I got this sudden urge, a feeling like I needed to turn around and look at Damien. I needed to see his green eyes, his brown hair, his muscular arms.

And so I did. I turned around and at first Damien just looked at me. He had a sort of worried look on his face, but then he smiled a little and said, "Hey."

"Hey," I said. "I didn't know you were here. You know you can sit down here if you want."

"You sure?" he asked, confusing me.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I want you to sit by me?" I said, and chuckled a little. Damien thought for a second before saying, "I don't know," and then getting up to come sit by me.

Once he got situated, he asked, "So... We still hangin' out at your house tomorrow? I mean, Sarah pretty much invited me and I wanted to make sure it was actually okay with you."

"Oh, yeah it's cool. My parents even okayed it. Make sure you bring your swimming trunks. I've got a hot tub and a pool, but the pool's outside and Sarah usually prefers the hot tub. Oh, and you can bring stuff to stay the night. I'm pretty sure Sarah's going to stay the night. She usually does when she comes over on the weekend."

When I said that last bit, I noticed Damien was trying to conceal a smile, so I asked, "What?"

"Ember," he began, "are you sure that Sarah and I are the only one's that know you're gay?"

I gave him a puzzled look and said, "Yeah, you guys are the only one's I've ever told. Wait, did you tell someone? Because I know Sarah wouldn't do that. I swear, if you told anyone--"

"Ember, I didn't tell anybody."

Now I was curious. "Then what made you say that?"

He grinned and said, "You have an attractive girl sleep at your house and you guys don't do anything. Your parents were teenagers once, too. They know what happens when a guy and a girl get together... alone. And the fact that they trust you guys while they're gone says a lot, too."

"Shit," I said as the reality of it hit me. It was very possible and extremely likely that my parents had guessed at my sexuality. Either that, or they trusted me. A lot. How had I never thought of that before? I felt stupid.

"Do you really think they know?" I finally said after a silence.

"It's very possible," Damien said. "And really the only way to find out is to tell them that you are gay."

We stopped talking for a while and I thought about how my parents might react if I told them I was gay. I was pretty sure they loved me enough to not stop loving me if I told them. But I was always scared to tell anyone because I'd heard stories about guys who came out and their parents or siblings or friends completely turned their backs on them. I'd even heard of their parents becoming physically abusive, but I was pretty sure my parents wouldn't be like that. I wondered if they would look at me as the same person, though. Then I started wondering about Damien.

"Damien?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"You are gay, right?"

"Technically, I consider myself bi."

"Oh. Well, have you told your parents?"

"Yeah. They were pretty cool about it."

Then I asked the question that I really wanted to know. "Did they treat you different after you told them?" My voice came out as almost a whisper.

"Well," Damien said, "at first they kind of did. Mostly my mom. She acted like she didn't know what to say to me sometimes. But eventually she got used to the idea and I think it brought all of us closer together, since they knew more about me"

"Well that's good, I guess. I mean I've heard some pretty bad stories, and it makes me sort of afraid even though I know my parents love me. I think I'm just scared of rejection... Are you open about it? I mean, do you care who knows?"

"Honestly, I don't. I mean, I'm not going to go around announcing it, but I don't care if anyone knows."

I started to think about how nice it would be to not have the weight of this secret on my shoulders, but my thoughts were interrupted when Damien stood up and said, "Practice is over. See you tomorrow." "See ya," I said, and stayed in my seat waiting for Zach to walk my way so we could leave.