NANA

nightmares

~In which Nana relives the worst times of her life~

She was coming closer and closer and there was no way out and Nana was clutching onto the chair that she was tied to and the knife was so close she could see her reflection shine off of it and–

Nana screamed, a blood curdling and terrible scream, sweat rolling off of her body as if she had just been in the rain. No matter how it seemed to the public, getting abducted was not something that someone just got over, and to be involved in such an act on top of her already-prominent childhood trauma was too much. She was constantly wondering how she was even alive. 

In seconds, the lights were turned on as the others rushed into her room, worried out of their minds. They had their own trauma now; they had had to sit there in fear for hours wondering if she was alive and not being able to do anything about it. One of them was always with her, which was as much a consolation for her as it was for them. The only time was alone was at night, which she had made sure of by telling them she needed privacy as much as any of them. It wasn't that wasn't grateful; in fact, she appreciated the security they provided, but she knew that she would eventually go crazy. However, after this episode, she was beginning to reconsider that.

"What's going on?" Yelled out Namjoon. Jin, having observed the situation and concluded that there was no immediate danger, went to get a glass of water to give to the poor girl. The girl in question was hugging herself and leaning against the headboard, catching her breath. Tears were streaming down her face, but she didn't feel them. 

Jin came back, pushed through the others, and sat on the edge of the bed as he handed her the glass. She took it gratefully and sipped at it slowly.

"I-I had a bad dream. Sorry for waking you all," she stared blankly ahead of her. She felt guilty for waking them all up when they had such a busy schedule. Once again, they were all worried about her. It seemed she was always the source of their problems. 

The boys looked at each other, still crowded at the doorway, and began to make their way towards her. They lounged around her room, sprawled on her bed or making themselves comfortable in the soft chairs. 

Jin, as the oldest and most parental, consoled her softly, "There's nothing to apologize for, Nana. You've been through something none of us can even imagine. I'd say that's grounds for some nightmares." He rubbed her arms gently with a towel, wiping away the sweat on her skin. As he dabbed her face, soaked in tears and sweat, her continued, "Trust me, no one here blames you. We're just worried."

Before he could even react, she launched herself forward, clutching onto him as if he was her lifeline. She sobbed into his broad shoulder, a mess. He rubbed circles on her back with his palm, comforting her. Over her, he looked at the others, whose hearts were breaking more and more with every tear that fell. 

After she had calmed down a bit, and only a few sniffles were escaping her, Jin prodded her, "Why don't you tell us what happened, hm?"

She detached from his shoulder and nodded slowly. Usually, her dreams escaped her, but she remembered this one vividly. The images were still flashing in her mind. 

"It was th-that girl again. I was stuck to that h-horrible chair–they tied me down w-with rope. It hurt–it was digging i-into my skin. I w-was bleeding everywhere. There were more this time, like there was no possible way they all could have fit in that room. They were all the same person, wearing that t-terrifying mask and holding identical knives. T-The knives were so shiny, they all gleamed in the light. B-but then there was blood covering them so they weren't shiny anymore. And then I realized it was my blood, and everything was going red and then there was only one left and she was holding a knife on my throat and then the mask smiled at me..." Understandably, she was freaked out. Reality was bad enough; in a dream, the elements that scared her the most were elevated. 

Instead of breaking down again, she simply sighed and leaned back with a hard thump. She was beginning to feel numb, something she knew wasn't good, but it was better than the alternative. Then she smiled, but it wasn't one of her normal, giddy ones–this was painful and mask-like. 

"I'm fine. I'm already forgetting it," that was a lie, she didn't think she could ever forget it, "go back to sleep, you guys."

Knowing her better than to fall for her pitiful attempts at relieving them, Yoongi called out, "cut the bullshit, Nana. You're not fine, and that's normal. Stop trying to convince us that you are. The more you bottle it up, the worse you'll be–"

"'The worse I'll be'? Is there any possible way to be worse than I am now? Sure as hell doesn't feel like it." She cut him off, riled up at his patronizing tone. 

A small "oh shit" came from the corner of the room where Hoseok was balled up. On a soft cushion, Jungkook was looking up the five stages of grief, which seemed to be what Nana was going through. She was definitely angry, that's for sure. 

"You know that's not what he meant, Na," Namjoon tried to mediate.

"Well, then what did he mean, huh?" 

"Look, he's just worried about you–we all are," Namjoon was interrupted.

"We love you. I love you," came a soft voice from Yoongi. "And because I love you, I can't just watch you go through all of this alone, and I definitely can't watch you pretend to be okay when you're not." There was silence.

Nana's anger was slipping away. "Wouldn't this all have been avoided if I just hadn't been part of BTS? I wouldn't have been there, and most of all, you guys wouldn't be constantly scared for me. It's like being a member includes 'worrying for Nana'. I'm like your most useless member, or something." She, however, couldn't help but think about what the group would be without her, and in all aspects, it seemed to be better.

"There is so much wrong with that, I don't even know where to start," began Taehyung. "First, if any one of us wasn't part of BTS, the timeline would change dramatically, and a lot of things would change. Haven't you ever heard of the Butterfly Effect? Second, no one could have ever predicted that you would get kidnapped. Also, that could have been any of us; fans that crazy are willing to do anything. Third, we worry about you because we want to, not because it's required. If any one of us had been through what you had, we would be worried about them too." He was insistent. "And finally, you're not the most useless member. There's no such thing, and if there was, it definitely wouldn't be you. It'd be Jungkook."

An offended "hey!" came from the "useless member", but he was ignored. That last bit had Nana smiling a bit at their antics, though, so the insult hadn't been in vain. 

"I guess you're right..." she finally conceded, bringing smiles to their faces. It seemed the worst was over; for both them and her. While a truly terrifying experience, she knew she needed to move on and continue traveling down her path. If she didn't, she'd only be distancing herself from her family, which meant that her captors would be winning.

If there was one thing Nana hated, it was losing.

"Hey," reminded Hoseok softly, "why don't you go take a shower. Showers are the best way to clear your mind, and they always make me feel better." It was at that moment that Nana realized how utterly gross she felt, all covered in her sweat and tears. She nodded in agreement.

As she collected new pajamas and was stepping through the door to go to the bathroom, she hesitated. "Will you guys still be here when I come back?" she asked meekly.

"There's no place we'd rather be," spoke up Jimin, almost asleep.

"Love you!" yelled Jin, who had decided that screaming was a better idea than talking like a normal human, shocking Jimin awake. Jimin glared at Jin in frustration, but the elder payed no mind; a silly grin hanging on his face. 

"Love you," replied Nana sincerely. 

And when she came back, refreshed and clean, she was greeted with seven boys–her seven boys– decorating her room in unnatural positions and angles that she was sure was going to hurt in the morning. Then she placed blankets on each of them, kissing them on the forehead and mumbling goodnight. She settled among them, fitting like the last puzzle piece, and dreamed of nothing.