I sat on the front porch in a rocking chair under the veranda just to watch the rain stream down in front of me. Even though I was wearing Charlie's jacket, I wasn't comforted at all. I hadn't spoken to Colby since the day of the funeral; I figured he didn't want to speak to me. How could I be so stupid? It was so wrong of me not to tell Colby that there was another boy. If I had just told Colby how I really felt about Charlie, I know he would have completely understood. My heart wouldn't feel so broken now. But when I spoke to Colby, I really didn't know how I felt about Charlie yet. Everything was perfect, until I met Charlie. How could someone who makes me feel so right make everything else so wrong?
As I was thinking about him, Charlie walked through the front door onto the porch. He seated himself in the rocking chair right next to my chair. We both rocked back and forth, trying to pretend that nothing was wrong. But, everything was wrong.
I decided speak up after taking a quick breath. "I don't think this is working Charlie."
He turned towards me with a confused scowl on his face. "I don't understand. What's not working?"
"Us." I responded
There was a moment of silence as Charlie's face remained expressionless.
"I thought I did everything right."
"You did Charlie. You treated better than anyone ever has treated me. The problem isn't you; it's me."
The rain began to pour harder than before and the wind picked up. But, Charlie didn't say anything.
I tried my best to explain even though I found it hard to even breathe. "Remember the boy Colby I told you about? Well, I always told him everything. There were no secrets between us, except you. When I told him about you, I told him I hated you when I really didn't. I flat out lied to him. I guess I was just too scared to face my real feelings about you. Colby thought he was the only important boy in my life. I know that if I had told him how I really felt, he would have understood. It's just the fact that I didn't tell him that made me upset. He was so embarrased that he was still telling me everyday how much he liked me, even though I was falling for you instead."
It took Charlie a few seconds to process the information. "Casey, I feel terrible. It was me that caused this problem with Colby. I would never want to hurt any of your friendships."
His response made me feel better. "Don't feel guilty; it's not your fault at all. I just don't know what to do."
He let out a deep breath. "Well maybe we need to go our separate ways for a little while, so you can clear things up."
I nodded my head. "I don't know where the good is in a goodbye."
"Casey, I want the best for you. Fighting against our feelings for each other is the best for us right now." Charlie explained
"You never know what the future holds though, right?" I asked
He shook his head. "Right. Don't worry. If it's mean to be; it will be."
We both just sat there silently watching the rain. I bit my nails questioning the separation that I had just agreed to. I pulled off his jacket and turned to hand it to him. Trying not to cry, I stood up to go back inside. Charlie stood up immediately after I did. He wrapped his arms around me, giving me a warm hug. I pulled away from him even though I didn't want to.
He gave me a sweet smile. "Casey, please don't ever forget that I love you." He had never told me that he loved me before.
A tear flowed slowly my cheek. Charlie pulled me back into a hug as I buried my head in his shoulder.
"I love you too." I whispered
But the rain still poured down.
