Rated X Imagines

Making It Through

Diggy's POV

|

|

|

|

The crashing waves belt onto our bodies, creeping up the slightest bit. The water was warm and the sea breeze just made you want to sit in the sand all day. My radio was blaring silently to the succulent musings of Ginuwine - So Anxious. Y/n was rested on my pelvic bone. Hips connected with mine. I am so glad that I didn't go to the club. Speaking of that, our friend Michael texted me and said we stood him up. I thought Hunter was going, but I saw him leave with some girl.

"Look, I'm sorry. For messing with your emotions." Not really sure how to apologize correctly. I've never really had to tell people I'm sorry, because I just don't do it. But Y/n's my girl and there are just some things I have to do different with her.

"We're here now aren't we? Plus we got some awesome sex out of it."

"That's not the point. The point is that I'm suppose to be treating you better than that. Instead I feel like I'm disappointing you." She snorted in laughter and rubbed the tip of her nose on my chin. The effects of her ecstasy pill was wearing off. For the first time ever, that was her idea. I said I would never try ecstasy. I'm too afraid of waking up in an unknown place next to some gay man named Peaches. "So what if you make me upset. I always forgive you don't I?" Her breasts were covered by her bikini top, but I still saw the buds of arousal standing up. "I bet when the ecstasy leaves your system you are going to be mad at me again."

Drugs only make things better for a little while. Once it exits your system, you are faced with a whole lot of problems. I remember I got so high once after a game and woke up in a hospital because some nice people found me naked in an alley way trying to talk to a stray cat. I had to beg the police not to tell the news. The embarrassment I would feel would be unimaginable. My face being plastered on a flat screen with title on top 'Junkie Found Naked In Alley'.

"No I won't. I forgave you already. Oh and I forgot to tell you. We got tickets to the Knicks from Nathaniel and Priscilla. Isn't that nice of them? And we never gave them anything. I feel like a bad person." Why would she feel guilty for not buying someone an unexpected present? "When is the game?"

"Next week." Oh shit. I have to do this all week program on training for the recruitments next week. I thought I already told her that. Now I have to cancel our plans. Well technically, this is the gift I gave her. She said something last year about making love on the beach with a picnic, radio, and a bottle of Chardonnay. "Baby, I can't do it next week. I have that all week program for the football recruitments." The ocean spoke for her. Splashing and raking the ground, breaking the small pebbles into grains of sand. The small pebbles were me and the splashes of water was her blank stare at me.

I guess I shouldn't have broke it to her right now. That was bad on my part. Her controlled breaths were getting heavier and the tears that wanted to come out were held in. "So, you're not going? Is that what you are saying to me." She knows how much this Football recruit scouting means to me. And she's getting upset. "I can't. You know I would if I could." Her hips rocked into mine causing an erection to pop up. We've already had sex three times in three hours, now she wants more? I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was a quarter past four. The sun still hadn't risen up yet. All we had was a glimmer of the new moon.

"I guess I'll just go with Priscilla. No sense in wasting it. Football comes before anything else, I should've remembered." Tiny drops of water had escaped from the sky, soon turning into a downpour. "Come on, baby. Let's go back to your dorm tonight. I'm pretty sure Priscilla and Nathan are passed out on the floor butt ass naked." She giggled and hid her head in the nape of my neck. Y/n always smelled like apples and pomegranate with hints of something sweet. I wonder where she gets it from because I've never seen her have a Bath and Body Works bag.

"Have you ever talked to God?" That question came out of nowhere.

"Umm, not really. Why?" Once we hopped in the car, I turned the heater on full blast. "Because, Teyana and Jermaine seem like they have everything figured out. They hardly ever fight and when they do they forgive each other in less than thirty minutes. When we were talking at the party she had said something about God makes stuff better. Maybe we should try and maybe pray sometimes, I don't know." What does God do for me? I wake up everyday to crime and idiots. My mom was a crackhead, my dad got shot to death by gang members. Every single foster care I've been in had been shit. To me, there would be no God. What kind of God would make the innocent suffer?

"I don't believe in God. Never have, never will. End of story." The venom in my voice frightened her. Hateful images of my father beating my mom came into view. I was only six and had to see that shit. My dad coming home night after night with blood on that plaid white shirt that he always wore. I still smell the blood of other people lingering around the house. He made my mom prostitute herself just because stealing and killing wasn't enough. My past is self explanatory. Nothing can be done about it. Y/n has knowledge of all of it. Right when we got together I told her about it. Said that I had issues with my life, and that's why I do the things that I do. But she looked past all that for me. It made me feel like I was actually worth something to somebody.

"Baby, the past is the past. You need to look ahead of the brighter days." My hand held hers and tethered my fingers around hers on occasion. "If I kept looking to the past I would be dead right now. Probably of suicide attempts."

Her tears were more real than my life story. Each drop had a sense of worry and depression that had been set for me in the back of her mind. "Don't talk like that. I don't ever want to think of you killing yourself because of stuff your parents put you through. You've been making it Diggy. I've seen a happier person in you, but all these memories need to go. If they fill you with dread and anxiety get rid of them. Even if they so happen to be about your parents."

"It's hard to forget the most influential part of my life. If my dad hadn't taken me out that one day for 'bonding' I wouldn't be playing football today. I would be a hobo licking a crack pipe to just reminisce on what I just had to make feel my blood course through me. To feel as though nothing mattered in the world. Yet, I'm here."

"So you should thank God for that right?"

"Wrong. Look I'm done with this conversation. Let's just go to your dorm and watch a movie. Like I said, end of story."