Rated X Imagines

Lost Love

Y/n's POV

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"Mama, I want up!" Kendall yelled. She's just like her father. Funny and ambitious. Those were his best qualities for me. I bet his dick is the only quality that his new girl likes. I haven't moved on. Ever since the divorce was finalized, I devoted most of my time to my adorable munchkin.

I gave her a cheeky smile, pinching on her bite-sized nose. "No, because last time I picked you up, you kicked me for not taking you to the park. And I told you that you would get no more 'ups' from me."

"I said I was sowwy. Daddy give me ups." She whined.

"Well Daddy isn't here right now. We're going over there in ten minutes so you're just gonna have to wait."

Daniel always spoils his little princess. His four year old bundle of joy always puts a smile to his face. I miss him. God, I miss him. I miss the hugs and the laughs. The unexpected kisses and long talks on the phone. I miss it all. This is the sort of thing you miss out in when you cheat. Yes, I cheated. Yes I did a little drinking and snorting when I was pregnant. And yes I ruined our marriage, but that was four years ago. He's gotten over it. All of my previous shenanigans, and misdemeanors. He's been through all of it with me whether he wanted to or not.

I can still remember that argument we had that broke us apart. He said that I was too careless and reckless for him. Said that I would never learn how to grow up and take responsibility for my own self. And he was right, up until Kendall was born. She changed me.

From the moment I held her in my arms, I was a changed woman. I tried telling Diggy that I was clean and sober, but he didn't want to listen. He said something about losing all chances with him, saying I would always be a fuck up in his eyes.

Kendall huffed in frustration, folding her arms and poking out her little pink lip. I mimicked her actions and got a chuckle or two. "Mommy, how come you and Daddy don't live together?"

"Why do you want to know that?" I asked. He and I both were afraid of this question. I couldn't just tell her everything, but I also didn't want to lie to her. Lying was the only way out of this. Lying with a whole bunch of sugar-coated gumdrops and gummy bears to make it sound nicer.

"Mommy and Daddy just thought it would be better if we didn't be together so much. We felt too close." I explained.

"But Taren said her Mommy and Daddy live together. She even sees them give each other kisses, and hugs. How come you and Daddy don't do that?" Her sweet little angelic voice made me want to come clean. But I couldn't, and until she's older and doesn't stop badgering me about it, I never will.

"Because the Love Fairy didn't stick an arrow in me and Daddy's hearts like he did with Taren's parents. That's why you don't see me and Daddy together."

"I wish the Love Fairy would come back."

Me too......

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At Diggy's House

"Daddy!" Kendall screamed, running onto the porch. She almost tripped but he caught her and spun her around in his arms.

"Hey my little Princess, how've you been? You been a good girl for me?" She gets her little baby tantrums here and there, but I don't tell Diggy. I love her tiny lying face she makes when she says yes and bobs her head up and down. Dig always gives her goodies if she says that she has been good.

"Okay, go inside. There's some cookies on the table. Daddy's gonna stay out here and talk to Mommy for a second."

Her face lit up in pure excitement as she swiveled around to look at me. "Mommy, I think the Love Fairy was here! I felt Daddy's heartbeat. He loves you!" She squeaked.

"Wait, Fairy what?"

I giggled and shooed her off into the house. "She asked me earlier why we don't live together, and how come her friend's parents kiss and hug each other and not us. And I told her the Love Fairy didn't put arrows in our hearts."

My heart was pounding outside of my chest, down the street and around the corner until it was completely out of sight. I reminisced on looking at his caramel skin, slightly bulged pink lips and unruly mini-afro. He laughed too for a bit and motioned for me to sit down on the porch swing. It creaked as I sat down, being unfamiliar with my weight. I got this for him as a 'just to have sort of thing'. His girlfriend wasn't too pleased, but I only thought of it as a nice gesture.

"How have you been?" He asked taking a seat on the other side of the swing.

"Sober and clean."

"I have a hard time believing that."

"I told you already that I got my act together. I'm not like that anymore Daniel. I thought I told that I've changed. Honestly. Being a mother made me realize there's more to life then what I was doing. And I just want to say thank you for helping me."

He choked on his words, confronting his feelings from the past. "I only helped you because you were carrying my daughter...... I was tired and fed up with you calling me in the middle of the night saying you were in jail and needed bail.... or finding out that you were fucking random niggas because you felt like it. Was us as a couple not important to you anymore?"

"I was going through some things Dig. I didn't want to be a mother and it scared me. I wanted her gone.... I wanted to get rid of her." We were both crying and holding to the swings rails for support. He was my everything and I messed up.

"I took drugs and got hammered so she would die, I got in jail for being in fist fights, and I slept with other guys because I blamed you for talking me into getting pregnant. All because I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready, and I'm still not ready now! I don't know how to be a good mother but I'm trying the best I can. Just trying to prove to you that I can clean up my act." The salty tears were streaming down onto chin, dripping onto my lap. Nose running.

I hadn't expected to be so broken, and torn about the past decisions I made. Those stupid actions could've killed my baby, all because I was being selfish.

"You know, I remember I asked you when we first got married if you wanted a child, and you looked up at me and said 'If it's with you, then I'll always want a child." He chuckled, coughing up more bitter tears. "And I remember asking you again before we made the love that conceived Kendall, and you said the exact same thing. So hearing you now, saying that you were afraid makes me wonder. If you were just honest with me, we could've made it. We could still be us if you just told me the fucking truth."

My jaw clamped shut, automatically knowing there was no way for me to retaliate. He was right. He was always right. I was too much of a coward to admit that I didn't want to have children. And I knew it would've made Diggy sad that he couldn't have them when he wanted to.

"Do you still think about us?" I whispered. I don't think he heard it, because he hadn't said anything for a brief moment. But then he turned, and gripped my hand that was shaking on my leg.

"Always, but I'm not going back. I've moved on, whether you want to hear it or not. And I know I don't want to see you move on, but that's just what it's gonna have to come down to. We have to face reality Y/n. Something like this just can't be forgotten."

I didn't want to believe that I don't have another chance with him. He's the father to my child. Which meant at some point way back along in the past, we loved one another and connected. I guess he just doesn't feel that way about me anymore.

Kendall returned outside, chocolate smudged on her face and crumbs all over her shirt. "Mommy did you get the arrow yet?"

"Mommy's always had the arrow baby. Mommy's always had it."

My voice cracked as I got up from the swing, and slightly brushing my tears. Slowly, I bent down and gave a Diggy a peck on the cheek and hugged him. His body was quivering, but he was warm like an ordinary summer day. Gently, I kissed his earlobe and whispered, "I'll always love you."

He smiled, hugging me tighter. "Me too."