My Childhood Friend

Part 6 (Age 27)

As I stood here at my own wedding, I hated life. I longed for you even now. I hated myself for that. And I pitied the woman facing me, Liann, who would soon be my wife. She'd loved me all her life. The way I loved you. And I despised myself for using her.

Five years.  nine months. Eleven days. That's how long since that day.  The emptiness in my heart did not assuage with time.  No.  It had only gotten bitter.

At first, I could not believe it.  Then I could not understand it.  Finally, I could not get over it.  

Your mother died.  I accompanied my mother to the funeral.  Your stepfather could barely go on.  Your youngest brother hung onto you as if you were always the surrogate mother. The older twin boys, then nearly 10, tried to play it cool by hanging with your cousins. 

We stayed for a week.  Each night, I slept with you, holding you as you wept.  I told you that once we married, I would make you happy.  I kissed you to convince you.  I kissed you deeper.  That kiss turned into our first time.  Then a second time.  A total of seventeen times those three days.  I learned the different meanings of your moans; you discovered my pleasure spots.  We became one.

You asked for time before announcing our engagement. A few months. But then you stopped responding to my emails. My texts. And even my phone calls.  I went crazy.  

When I showed up, you could not look me in the eye.  You told me we couldn't marry.  Then you told me you were marrying your step-father.  Finally, I saw - you carried his child.

We fought for the first time.   I wanted to shake you.  I wanted to kidnap you.  Instead, I called you names and made you cry.  You shut the door in my face and said goodbye. 

When I came home, Liann listened to me and took my side - flaming my anger towards you.  I let her put up our pictures on Facebook.  I gave her a huge diamond ring and didn't stop her when she sent you an invitation. I wanted to stab your heart. Like you stabbed mine.