So my sister had couple of our cousins over and asked me to come and help with the baby.
I really just wanted to go home. Like badly.
But, I stuck around and helped. Then the people came. I was honestly so exhausted, but I was trying so hard not to seem exhausted, that every time I talked my cousin's husband would ask me why I was so angry.
I wasn't angry, I was just very very drained.
My therapist has told me to get myself out of these situations. Yes it is good to get out when you're feeling down, so you don't cloud your feeling of sadness with lonliness.
But at this point in my life, I'm considered Burnout - which means I juggle too many things at once, that eventually a storm will hit and knock me out.
Do you ever have that feeling when don't want to talk to a single soul, you just want to be left completely alone? But yet, at the very same time, you want to be surrounded by everyone you love (and those that love you too, but you're unsure because your anxiety is a constant torment in your own mind).
This is how I feel 95% of the time.
Anyways, eventually I went home after an hour, and my mom (who I know is trying to make me feel better) making comments like, "we're all tired, just stay, you'll cheer up". Like, I've barely said a word or showed any emotion in the last twenty minutes...I have nothing to contribute. My brain is off for the night.
The night ended with me beating myself up. I know I should be out and having fun, but it's awfully hard having fun, when you really don't want to have fun.
