This is for you, my love

A letter to my Tig.

(sorry...this is another one that isnt a poem..it wouldnt work for this one. i will make the next ones poems though xP)

Because i know that i am not ready to tell you to your face i am going to say it here.

Maybe you are reading this...maybe you arent. I dont care either way. I need to get this out there. I need to know that maybe there is this chance that you are reading. 

I think that the best way to be able to do this is preteding that i am writing a letter to you...

Tig,

I dont know where to start. I dont know if i want to start...but i must let you know. So here it goes...

I love you. I have loved you since 5th grade, and even more since May 25th 2012. Everyday i would get up happy, knowing that i would be able to see you. Knowing that i would be able to look at you and know that you love me too. I would be sitting on the bus waiting for your stop. And when it came to yours...i couldnt keep a smile off my face. The routine would be the same everyday. 

me: hi

you: hi (or you would say hey, or hello)

me: how are you?

you: (usually it would be..) pretty good. you?

me: pretty good.

And then i would look out the wondow while you would put in your earphones. Everyday i would try to think of something that would have us talk. But i was always so nervous. I didnt know why...i mean...most of my friends are guys. I have NO issue talking to guys. None at all. So then why would i feel like that when you were around? 

We would text all night and day that weekend. You would always tell me that you would miss me while i was at DC. And i was going to miss you. I missed you like crazy the whole time. It was that week that i figured out that i was falling hard for you. I guess that i should have seen it earlier. Becasue everytime that you would text me, i would have a huge smile on my face and my heart would make a small jump. 

The last time that i saw you was June 18th 2012. That was the last day of school and you had a party. It was fun. I was happy the whole time. Well...except when your friends pushed me into the 8ft side of the pool. That wasnt fun. Because of that i am always upset when i go to the pool. However i am making myself better. i am able to jump into the 6ft section and be able to swim to the edge. Anyways...June 18th 2012 was the last time that you held me. It was the last time that you told me that you cared for me. However i didnt know that at the time. I didnt know that you didnt care. i didnt know that it was all a lie.

I was completely torn up when i was told that we were moving because i loved you and didnt want to leave you. Becasue i thought that i finally found someone that actaully cared for me. Someone that didnt take me for granted. 

When i told you, you asked me what was going to happen to us. I didnt know. I started to cry because i didnt want to leave the guy that i loved. 

On July 1st (i think) i went to my friends house for a sleepover. You and i texted at night. The next day i did something that i regretted to the full extent. Nyasia and i texted you. I was on her phone and she was on my ipod. We were pretending to be each other. She was the one that begged you if you were going to kiss me. Not me. You then said that you didnt think that it was meant to be forever. Even though at the beginning you said forever. Did i tell you that i was upstairs crying and nyasia is the one that broke up for me? No? i didnt? well...now you know. I couldnt do it. I loved you. I loved you so much that it hurt.