The Unexpected

31

I have been in this house for months
I suffer from another loss
Wasn't it a little early for you to leave?
People come to visit and give their heartfelt condolences
I don't even know if they really are heartfelt , everything looks the same now
They ask if I'm okay? Am I?

My mind starts to envision all the things a human could possibly need to feel okay...

Hope? I couldn't be more hopeless

Connection? I lost all my connection with you , there isn't enough connection in this universe that can bring you back.

Patience? Funny how I have been so patient , waiting for you to get better yet you end up leaving instead.

Warmth? I'm so cold all the while that I don't think I will know any warmth after you.

When I finally stop thinking , I realize I have none of these things yet I still can't figure whether I'm okay or not
I guess I'll never know if I'll ever be
I notice a tear that's about to fall , I wipe it and before I can think of it
My feet carry me to the backyard where we used to spend every night and stay up late
It was the thought of you that had locked me in
And also the thought of you that's carrying me outside this house and for the very first time in months
I want to cry... So much until I join you wherever you are now.

-After you