standing next to me - milex

epilogue

At school, it was obvious that something was missing from Alex. Like a part of his soul had been torn away. He didn't have his Miles next to him. When they were together, they were unstoppable. Now Miles was gone, and Alex was a completely different person.

Alex texted Miles as often as he could, but rarely he got a reply. Miles apologised in advance saying that moving and exams were stressing him out and he needed time to himself.

Jamie, Nick and Matt comforted Alex as much as they could. He was the saddest he'd ever been since the time Miles wasn't talking to him.

It went on for a month, and then Alex started skipping school, once he got a text from Miles.

Mi💞
Al, I love you and everything and I hate to do this. I think we need to break up.

Alex was so scared. He didn't want to break up. He knew exactly why Miles wanted to, but he was so scared to reply. So he left it. He never replied to the text. He blocked Miles's number, because he never wanted to hear from him again, as Alex knew he'd never get over him.

Alex finished school soon, along with Jamie, Nick and Matt. They decided to start a band together called Arctic Monkeys, which Jamie came up with, and Alex never heard from Miles.

Never.

Everyday, Alex could never stop thinking about Miles. Was Miles doing the same? Probably not. He was the one who wanted to break up. Alex would have dreams about Miles and wake up crying. Matt usually had to stay round and comfort him. He didn't mind at all, but Alex wasn't in a good state. The only words that Alex ever spoke were 'Miles' and 'He doesn't love me anymore'.

Sometimes, during band rehearsals, when they were talking about anything, or even when Alex was singing, the broken boy would break down and burst into tears. And it wouldn't stop for a while. All his friends could do was hold him and tell him it was alright.

Alex had never been so attached to anyone. It frightened the boys but they knew it was simply love, something Alex had only ever known with Miles.

Alex had no one to take to the school dance later that year. He went with his friends, but it wasn't the same. He wanted to be with Miles on that day.

Matt, Jamie and Nick hoped he'd get over it soon. Find somebody else to love as much as he loved Miles. But they all knew that was impossible. Alex loved Miles too much to find somebody else to replace him. Plus, it was Alex. Alex never got over anything.

And yet the years passed, and Alex stopped talking about Miles and asking Matt to come round once he dreamt about Miles. He stopped crying during rehearsals. He would just sadly smile, and get over it. The boys were happy that Alex was finally getting over it, but more so happy that Alex was happy.

They thought Alex was happy. Alex was never truly happy. Even if he laughed or smiled, pieces of Miles stayed with him. The necklace, Alex's long curls, the kisses, the inside jokes, the cuddles, the intimacy. Everything and anything about Alex reminded himself of Miles. Even his hands. They reminded him of the way Miles's long, beautiful fingers would entwine with his own. And turtles. Turtles reminded him of Miles. It was rare he saw a turtle. But the word could only make him think of the first boy he ever loved.

The only reason Alex pretended to be happy was so that his friends were happy. It took him a lot to control himself. So in the time he had alone, he cried. He screamed, hit pillows, anything. He had to let his sadness out on something.

And his parents were aware about how much he missed him.

They decided, now that he was nineteen years old, to get him a flat and start a new life. Maybe even get a job and have more band practices. Alex didn't want to let his old bedroom go, the one where he got intimate with Miles, the one where he cuddled Miles and kissed him when he was soaking wet. Where he'd first kissed him. But his parents promised to not change his bedroom in the slightest.

Alex packed his posters and clothes, some of them being Miles's. He had to bring those. He would wear them. He'd been wearing the same Abbey Road shirt for a long time now and it stunk. He didn't want to wash it because it still smelt like Miles beyond the scent of tears and sweat.

Whilst clearing out his room, Alex found his book. The book that was his life when he first fell in love with Miles. The book that Nathan stole. The book that exploited his secrets.

Maybe he should rip it up. Shred it. Never look back at it again.

No.

Alex became too emotionally attached to a lot of things, even if they were inanimate objects. He turned the old pages and read his words. He used to write very differently to how he did now.

Reading the words only triggered tears. With each letter, it got sadder, around the time Miles told him he didn't love him. And then suddenly, Alex's writing was filled with joy. The way he preferred his writing.

A tear dropped onto the back of the book, where he discovered a picture of himself and Miles. Miles had taken it, grinning brightly, in his bedroom. Alex was smiling sheepishly. He hated photos of himself. But he wanted memories. And memories was what he got. There was another picture Miles took of them kissing.

Alex couldn't look for much longer. He smiled a little, before closing the book and placing it inside his moving box. Taking one more look at his room, his favourite place that was bare without his keyboard and posters, bare without him and bare without Miles, he stepped outside. To the real world.

A world that Miles Kane was in.