" your still not gonna talk to me, huh?" i sit there in silence still angry, but its not like he cared. " I'm sorry for what i said, you just need to start doi-" i cut the conversation because i wasn't in the mood i just told him to stop and lets talk about it another time. My dad just doesn't understand, on the other hand i don't tell him a whole lot about my life... i would tell him about school, about how everybody called me a faggot and a loser, but most kids don't tell their parents about those things. he doesn't care either so there really isn't any point.
By now we have most thins packed but wont move out till the end of the month, and i don't talk to my dad much anymore i also stopped cutting but i still had my days. Netflix and tumblr was all i did. what i really wanted was for school to start. Last week of July and i was ready for a new month. i worried a lot about not going to the same school because the house was out of the school zone. i didn't wanna start over with people because this year was the year i actually did things and i didn't wanna loose that. This week we were moving out so while my brother and mom were out me and dad would load up his truck with furniture so we would be ready when we move out. while we are moving my dad has to be him which means that he gives me random lectures, it gets annoying but i still listen. I remember i he told me something that got stuck in my head for the longest time, "if you useless to the world, what's the point" and for the rest of his lecture that's the only thing that ran in my head.
~
When we finished moving and had all of our boxes in our rooms, we had one last time at our old house , my mom and dad were under a lot of stress cause my mom still had to clean the house before we could actually move out , I could care less . Leaving the house felt strange , I wish I could have felt more but by this time I couldn't feel much emotion, I hated this feeling of being halve dead inside , but I still would miss the house , after everything we have done here. When I'm walking up the stairs to my room I could hear my parents auguring like they always do , im in my room with headphones in grabbing one or two more boxes out and saying out loud "im gonna miss this place." My brother knocks on my door and asks if I'm ready , I say yea and we both hurry cause my dad is yelling for us to hurry up so we can unload everything and start settling in the new house.
I don't know if I've told you yet but my dads an asshole dad, he tries but doesn't try , he's hurt me more than anybody ever has, he stopped hitting me when I was about 10, there's days were it will accure that I will get a hit , but it barely happens. He does threaten me , it's fairly scary if you ask me but I get through it. Every Time I am with him i end up getting a lecture though which makes me wanna blow my brains out and then have him watch. You could say I was an asshole of a child to but , what could I say , I was growing up to be a nasty teenager .
During the move, my dad was really pushy and always was yelling and running out the door from frustration, my mom would cry my brother would leave and I would have to be the one to clean up the mess, but he'll I was still the bad one that couldn't do anything right. I was the outsider in my family . The one to be picked on. I understand why my dad yelled at me so much now If I think about it, I knew he was just always was trying to teach me something , but now I understand why he was hard on me , he was teaching me to be independent, to be my own person. But when I was my own person he didn't like it which was confusing. Anyways , we had to separate from time to time, besides it was hot that summer which made everything worse , sometimes I wish my mom and dad would separate, it would be best for them , and better for me and my brother .
Moving wasn't the only thing difficult, I wanted to stay in the same school. But they would never get back to us , I was scared to go to a different school. Meet different people , it took me so long to actually fit in , I didn't wanna start over , I didn't think I could handle it , especially in the shape i was , I was still a mess. I was halve empty, halve dead.
"Mom, how many letters have you sent to the school?"
"About three. Why ?"
"Three?! And they still haven't got back? You should just call . Please ?"
"I will soon"
~
When my mom finally called my friends mom answered it which was luck for me because she knew me so , her being the nice person she is, just in rulled me back into the school which got one problem out the way .
August is almost over, and school starts in about a week or so , just another school year, just another crappy school year .
"Here I come."
