You're Mine

21

A knock on my door three hours later wakes me from my thoughts.

Kimberly walks into the room, a slight smile on her face. We didn't have an appointment so the boys obviously called her.

"Hey kiddo" she says

Kimberly is really pretty, with long black hair and warm brown eyes. She's in jeans and a T-shirt today, different from her usual skirt and heels. She makes her way into the room and sits on my bed next to me. I sit up and cross my legs, wincing at the pain.

"Hi" I say sheepishly.

"The boys tell me you aren't eating, sleeping or taking your pain relief" she sighs.

I shrug.

"You know that was a deal for leaving the hospital, you promised to do all those things" she says gently.

"I....don't want to anymore" I say quietly, avoiding her gaze.

"Why Hun, can you let me in and talk to me about some things?" She asks kindly.

I sigh.

"Look, I know I told the boys I wanted to talk about what happened but I don't anymore" I tell her,

"That's okay you know, don't push yourself to talk. Sometimes we feel brave enough that we think we can do it and other times we really just want to stay quiet. It's all okay Louis" she tells me.

"But, it isn't" I say.

"The boys told me about the media harassing you" Kimberly says.

"Yeah, they hate me" I chuckle dryly.

"And you think the boys do too?" She asks.

"Yeah" I say with no hesitation.

"Can I ask why?" She says.

I look towards her, finally meeting her eyes,

"I'm a burden, I can't even walk up the stairs alone without hurting myself, I can't even go outside alone, I flinch at everything. All I can see and hear when I close my eyes are Rhys screams and the feeling of just wanting to die because of the pain. Why would they want to be around me now? Why would they want that on their shoulders?" I ask quietly.

"Louis, I can tell you honestly, I have never in my entire career seen a family like yours. Those boys downstairs would do absolutely everything and anything for you, they love you to absolute pieces. I can see it every time they mention you, every time I mention you, their eyes light up. Edward and Harry are completely head over heels and the protectiveness that comes from them is quite scary to be honest" Kimberly smiles.

I smile the tiniest bit

"They are worried endlessly about you and about how to give you what you need. I know, we all know, that you need to start talking about what happened to you and we will face it all, but in stages, when you're ready and it's okay not to be ready" she tells me.

"I want to talk because I want to sleep again, I want to get back to normal, but then I start remembering things and I feel like I can't breathe. I don't want to go back there, to him and his words and the pain, but I deserve the pain" I say choked.

"Why do you think you deserve pain Louis?" Kimberly asks worriedly.

"Because I lived and they didn't, the pain Rhys was in was more than my pain and he died while I got to live. The least I can do is be in pain now, it's nothing to what they went through because of me" I tell her truthfully.

"Have you ever thought of harming yourself Louis, like cutting yourself" she asks innocently.

"No" I say truthfully,