Daggers | r.a.b

tears

[daggers - part two]
[3rd] regulus

    He was surprised when he felt no pain as he regained consciousness, his memory of crashing into the jagged rocks imprinted in his mind. He opened his eyes.

    He was lying on the cliff which he had jumped from, and he seemed unharmed. The sky was a stunning midnight blue, with slight patches of golden, violet, dark pink, and the ocean reflected those colours. It was all in all a beautiful landscape.

    But what came most as a shock to him was the figure sitting by his feet, staring at the line where the sky meets the sea. He gasped a little, but that was all that was needed for her to turn to look at him.

    For the first time in a year, silvery grey met aquamarine blue.

    In the half light, she looked truly beautiful illuminated by the light of the sunset. In the year they had been apart, she had grown, and she seemed more beautiful than ever, with her golden blonde hair, half of it held up in a hairdo, softly swept up and to the side by the wind, and she looked wonderful in the bridesmaid dress she was wearing. But what was different and alarmed him, was that her eyes, those beautiful eyes he always seemed to get lost in, were lifeless. Still full of that kindness and compassion, but it was empty of life. Utterly, and completely, broken beyond repair.

    And he knew it was his fault.

    He was nineteen now, but in front of her he felt like he was fifteen again, kissing her under the stars for the first time, that exhilarating sensation of falling, the moment that seemed magical. Innocent. A fragment of happiness he had held on to. He was sixteen again, sneaking up to the Tower to see her... their first and only date, at the Lake at midnight, the artificial aurora that she had conjured and how she had curled up into him, she smile as if she had not a care in the world. Happiness. Innocence. Love.

   And yet he knew that she had lost that slip of innocence now, that heartbreak had forced her to grow up faster than she needed to. And he saw the evident heartbreak in her eyes, the sorrow and flow of memories, memories of sadness and pain.

    He opened his mouth to say her name, but once again, she beat him to it.

    "Regulus," she sounded strained, like she was on the verge of breaking down. "You're awake."

    "Hey," he choked out. He gathered himself, and stood up, not being able to stand this tension that hung in the air. "Uhh- I'll just-"

    "Regulus," she said again, and this time he recognized the pleading in her voice, and he was compelled to stay, his heart aching at the pain in her voice.

    He walked to the edge of the cliff, and sat there, dangling his legs over the edge. He felt her gaze on him, and the moment was the first peaceful moment he had had for ages.

    He stared up at the sky, and sorely wished that he could stay like this, that they could stay like this, for forever, and let the moonlight wash over them and create everything anew. But that was impossible, even the possibility of it was worlds and worlds away and gone. Gone.

    He finally understood why Severus took so long to try to apologize to Lily- because apologies were most difficult when you cared for the person you had wronged. The words got stuck in his throat, and he couldn't get them out.

    Instead, he asked, "what happened?"

    "You crashed into the rocks," she explained. Her monotone voice broke him, and for the first time he realized how much damage he had left on the young girl, how much of her he had taken away. "I apparated you back here. Healed your wounds. You were only out for about half an hour."

    "Why did you save me?" He blurted. She wasn't supposed to save him, he would have found his way to Kreacher's cave sooner or later, and now with her interference he couldn't try again, he would have to wait for another day were he wouldn't be occupied. A gust of anger filled his mind, and he snapped, turning his head, "I could have done without your help."

    Her eyes filled with shock, and she replied, "I- I was only looking out for a friend. Or acquaintance. I could never have lived with myself if I watched you die on those rocks and I didn't help- please, don't pretend that nothing ever happened between us, because I will never, ever stop caring, Regulus."

    He stood up, facing the sea. "All you did was set me back. I had issues to sort out. I don't need your help." Anger obscured his mind, and he thought of the things he had to do, to locate the horcrux, to actually find out about the horcrux, and now he might not even make it in time. "Listen- what happened between us- everything that happened between us- is over. Over. You hear me?"

    "Regulus-" she tried desperately, but he broke her off by saying, "don't expect me to come running to you. We're enemies now. Act the part."

    He heard the rustle, and knew she had stood up as well. "I still care about you. Nothing in the world could ever change that. And- if it makes you happy-" she choked back a sob, and he could hear her breathing in deeply, and in that moment all his anger subsided, "then I gladly leave.

    "But I will always, always love you."

    He watched as glistening tears roll down her cheeks, and he saw the moonlight reflecting bright flecks into her eyes, and the sky seemed to instantly darken, reflecting the sadness and heartbreak inside the young girl, like the emotions inside her faded into the darkness in the sky, and the stars reflected in her eyes were no longer the innocent flecks of stardust, but specks of pain and anguish.

    All the anger in him instantly evaporated, leaving him with pure heartbreak, regret. He felt like his world was burning, destroyed.

    Destroyed by his own harsh anger, and the pure anguish in her voice was pure pain to him. Because despite everything he said- he loved her as well, just as deeply as the day they had parted back when they were sixteen, perhaps even deeper.

    But he could say nothing. Something held him back, and he was forced to watch the strong, independent and kindhearted girl his heart had always belonged to break down in front of him, and he could do nothing. His worst nightmare was coming alive right in front of his very eyes.

    "Don't cry," he merely said shortly, "I'm not worth crying for."

    All he ever seemed to do was break her heart. He truly didn't deserve her- she was so much in his eyes and he thought he could never amount to that.

    She merely shook her head. "You underestimate yourself. You're worth more than all the treasures in the world."

    He couldn't speak, his own hurricane of feelings forbidding him to speak, and he could only gaze at her sorrowfully, wishing he had never said all those hurtful things.

    He turned to leave, and disapparated, painfully aware of the broken soul he left behind.

    And as he left, he heard her fall to the floor in silent sobs, and he wished, he sorely wished he could turn back time and never hurt her again.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
(Please excuse all the Dear Evan Hansen references, it just inspired me to write this and I relate to it so much, kudos to Hailfeather for introducing it to me. Also, why does it seem like my writing gets more tragic every chapter?)