Deep [Book One]

Twelve - Pillowtalk

"A place that is so pure, so dirty and raw"

A couple of hours later, Kehzia woke up again but this time she was in bed alone. She felt groggy and hungover. As soon as she lifted off the bed, Erik walked in with breakfast. He wasn't the sweet type but for Kehzia he would do anything. He realized just how open she had him while he was making them breakfast. He knew that at some point he would want someone who he would just be crazy over but he wasn't sure if he was deserving of that in return. After all the things he had done so far, he felt a little worried that life would soon have it's way with him. He was very much aware of karma and all he could do was hope that now that he was ready to give someone commitment, that life would be kind.

Completely oblivious to the inner turmoil he is having, Kehzia sat and watched him walk towards her. She gave him a shy smile, this type of treatment forgein to her. This was the first time she felt so at ease with someone. Despite how she perceived him in the beginning, she couldn't help but think about how wrong she was. He was a sweetheart. Yes he looked like he could be all mean and grouchy and all his muscles didn't make it easy to believe that he was actually a softy but she knew that was a just a front. She thought of her own facade and could understand why Erik chose to come across a certain way.

The two sat in comfortable silence as they ate. Both very aware of each other but at ease with one another. This type of peace didn't come around for either of them. With the one constantly worried about the future and the other stressed about the past. It was common ground to enjoy each other in the present.

Kehzia takes their used dishes back to the kitchen but decides to head back to bed where Erik is already halfway under the covers. Sliding in next to him, he opens his arms and she gently falls into him, giggling as he catches her. Softly playing in her hair his heart rate increases as she poses him with a question he hasn't answered in a long while.

"What do you fear?"

He thinks for a second, wanting to give her an honest answer. He believed he was fearless. Especially with the line of work that he does, he had to be fearless. He trusted that he was but somehow laying here with her scared him a bit. His feelings were new to him. He never felt like this about anyone and that made him doubt himself a bit.

"Honestly...i don't fear anything. I've seen some gruesome shit. I've stared death in the face. I don't think there's a lot that really scares me. What's yours?" He throws the question back at her, deciding that telling her his fears were how he felt about her might place her in doubt, so he would keep that to himself for now.

"Failing." She answers truthfully. "Everything about my life seems perfect but i can't help but think there are parts of me i don't know yet. Parts i might have gotten from my biological parents that might hinder my future. I know I'm the only one in control of my destiny but i can't help but think about how I'm already so different from my siblings that somehow, i might not succeed as my parents. Somehow i feel like it's all a set up. Like I'll end up losing this life I've come to know."

Her sudden revelation makes breathing easy. Behind all of her battles were constant fears of failing. As much as Kehzia felt confident in how she was raised, a huge part of her identity was unknown to her. It was true that one didn't just inherit looks from your parents but also personality traits. She wondered how Janice was as a person, how John was. As much as she had somewhat of a relationship with her father, she didn't really know the man. It was obvious she had her hang ups. Even growing up, she enjoyed being by herself. Her family blamed her shy nature at first but the older she became the more she realized that it wasn't because of that. Her space was important to her and letting people into that space was a big step for her. She couldn't help but think who she was most like. She definitely had some trust issues but once she moved past them, she was all in. Not knowing if her nature came ftom either one of her parents. She suddenly thinks about Maya who was currently at her place and how quick her friend made her feel at ease. She trusted the young lady as much as she trusted her own family but the trust she was now building with Erik ran deeper.