Deep [Book One]

Nineteen - Heavy Hurt

"I always want the truth, but it's dangerous..."

Kehzia
3 days later.

I drove my mother to the airport. I loved having her here with me and the time we spent together was needed on both ends. Despite the harsh reality of what she was dealing with, we managed to have a good time while she was here. I was very appreciative of Erik giving me as much time as i needed with her. I hadn't seen him since he left my apartment the morning she arrived. Even though I missed him terribly, my mother needed me but he was very supportive of the fact that I had to give up time with him to be there for her. It wasn't often that any of my parents needed me for any type of emotional support. I made a decision to check up on my father. I might have to take a trip to L.A again. This time I was going to suggest to E that he join me. A part of me wanted to introduce him to my father as well. As much as the circumstances weren't ideal, I wanted to live my life and allow myself to be happy.

My main plan at the moment was to distract my mother enough while she was here. We had gone out for dinner and went to see a movie. I wanted to make sure we had a great time. I was certain that there weren't too many thought roaming through her mind. Being someone who was constantly worried and thinking, I knew what a headache thinking too much caused but it was always harder for me to stop. After our movie, I took her to my favorite spot for dessert and coffee. We had a more in depth conversation about my relationship with Erik. I was  ready for whatever she was about to throw my way. I had managed to avoid talking about him this far. So I knew eventually she would bring him up in conversation again. 

"So do you love him?" She asked while giving me a firm look. My mother was very blunt at times and didn't like beating around the bush. She wanted to get to the core of it all but I was always very elusive. I never felt the need to explain anything to anyone. Part of the reason why I felt i made a few mistakes along the way so far. Had I trusted to open up more, especially to my parents I could have avoided a world of hurt. My mind snaps back to her question though and although I knew how I felt...was I sure that it was love. How would I be sure.

"What is love? I thought what I had with Jason was love but I was young and naive. Definitely wasn't ready to date but I guess the experience counted with that. I'm still too young to know love like that. I do believe it comes with experience and I feel like I might have to live a little more. To know it deeply I'd probably have to age but what I can say about my feelings for him is that...they go deeper than anything I've experienced. I want nothing but the best for him just like how i want it for myself. I'm patient with him because I want him to be patient with me and we both know I'm pretty impatient. As much as I never had much of an ego, I placed the little bit I had aside because I knew I wanted to be selfless with him. I want him to feel free because that's how he makes me feel. I guess by the sound of it, I am definitely in love with him. It's just that love goes deeper."

My eyes meet hers as she stared back at me. A glint of a tear could be seen and I immediately felt bad for opening up like that. We were supposed to be getting her mind off of what she was dealing and now she was sitting here probably thinking about my dad and the life they shared.