My Little Black Joy

Chapter 4

Months past , my sweetheart had travelled already but my period wasn't back like they said it would be.. I was dying in my silence , soon I decided to try the strip again ...At first I was scared because I was leaving with my parents but I tried it again I found out that I was positive I cried again but I out myself together soon enough and I bought more pills ... I locked my self up in a room and I took them and cried in pain as my water broke and it put me in pains but having a miscarriage I knew I brought upon myself killed me  . I died seeing him , so premature in my hands ...I knew he was going to be a beautiful black joy ....His name came flashing in my head "King".

I loved his dead body but I tied him up and kept his  body in a small bucket I saw him every morning  . I loved his small hands and I loved the way I imagined him but I felt sorry I couldn't keep him ....he was everything but I buried him .

After that living felt like going to hell ...I cried nights and stayed quiet days ...I wanted him back . I told my babe , he was so furious he didn't chat me up for days .  I saw my baby in my thoughts,  whenever I took of my clothes I felt his presence . I saw him walking away but I couldn't get him to stay , he destroyed my memories and his father was making me feel like nothing. So you see why it hurt the more ?
I searched the internet for ways that I could communicate with dead babies .. You could say at that moment I was losing my mind . I wanted to talk to him instead I got pictures of dead babies , I cried seeing them but I didn't care all I wanted was  my baby.

I started picking myself up one by one , I promised my dead baby that I will get married to his father and his siblings weren't going to go through the pain that he felt . I picked myself up and I went back to school. My friends hugged me like never before , like they knew I was in so much pain although I didn't show it . So much for loving someone? But then I couldn't stop loving him .

So one day Babe picks up the phone and tells my sister that he loves me so much and she should hand over the phone to me , she drops the message and goes away and again we started talking and I couldn't deny that he made me smile but then was
King happy ? I wondered .
I wanted to know how he felt and whether he was okay but how was I supposed to go about that .

We talked and talked but then he started becoming distant so I asked his friends about him and they all were like come over let's talk about it , seeing no bad ropes I went only for them to want to sleep with me but then I declined but the only thing they could they could do was tell me that I had a fake body before I left .

I carried my burden alone  , dry leaves started falling on the roads I past . My friends told me to push and push if that's what my heart wanted and something will come out of it . For the first time they understood or so ?

Negative opinions rolled in too , I started hearing that he always cheated on me with different girls from people I trusted . Some said that he was going to look for one white girl and forget about me and I died inside each time I heard words like that . A few told me it was nice and I should pray about it and the advice that came in from those few people are the ones I took.

At a point it looked like Prayers were not being heard nor answers rolling in . Friends wanted me to forget him and move on , some said I should just keep him and have other people . Now a lot of people knew about the relationship and I decided to keep it low and follow my heart .Praying is one thing I didn't stop , I prayed though not endlessly but I prayed.

So one day my Pastor looked at my hands and told me that I was going to marry a chocolate guy and I was startled I let him pray about my prayer requests ...I wanted to tell him not to pray about the chocolate guy because I didn't want to marry a chocolate guy , I prefer light skinned or fair like some call it but I didn't want someone chocolate . Nevertheless I kept praying about my relationship I cancelled everything about that chocolate person , I didn't want anything to do with him.