The Mistakes I've Made

Chapter 2

       

         Ok. I can do this. Deep breath. I won't mess this up. I'll be normal. Right? I, Joseph lee Johnson, am starting high school today. But, am I ready? Can I look at someone know their fate but still try and be their friend? Is it bad my answer might be no? Calm down, I scowl myself. No panic attacks. Not again. Looking down I see my shaky hands let out a sigh. Grabbing a water bottle, I walk to my nightstand to receive my anxiety medicine. No panic attacks. A small knock at my bedroom door disrupts me from my thoughts as I look over to see my mom in the door way. My mom is yellow, suffering from stage two blood cancer. But she's still alive. Still here. "Well look at that," she says with a warm smile. "Already up, and ready." Steady. I smile back and give a small nod. Her smile falters but she quickly replaces it. But the worry is still heavy in her almond colored eyes. "You can do this," she says sternly. Though I suspect she convincing herself more than me. "Come on. Get some breakfast before we leave." She says turning and walking down the hall, towards the kitchen. Quickly taking my medicine, I shoulder my backpack and follow after. Walking into our small kitchen I sit across from my mom at the island, my plate already made. Pancakes. Confusion washes over me. "Mom," I say carefully, looking up meeting her gaze. "What time did you get up?" She wouldn't meet my gaze. She's supposed to start sleeping in. She needs rest. "An hour before you woke up." She says shrugging. I pull out my phone and look at the time. 6:02. She woke up at five. Anger. That's what I felt next. Looking up again my anger is replaced by fear and worry. She's yellow- ish orange. No. My mind breaks into a race. I start to shake sweating. This can't happen. Is she ok? She has to be. How could I not notice? Why didn't I force her back to bed? Where is her medicine? Is she taking it? How could I possibly think I could leave now? Deep breaths. My calm side tells me. Deep breaths?! I can't lose her! Argues my panic. She notices my panic and try's to calm me down. Speaking calm reassuring words, and a whole lot of 'I'm fines'. No. "No!" I yell startling her to silence. I never yell. "Your not fine mom! Stop acting like everything's ok! I can see it! I know. Please..." my voice was nothing more than a whisper in the end. Looking up through my tears I see her starring at me with silent tears running down her face. And she smiled. Such a wonderful smile. And I couldn't take it. Cant take it. Grabbing my bag I get up and storm out of the house, the tears of all my emotions running down my face. I can do this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors note:

      Hey! This chapter is short I know, most of them are to be honest. I hope you guys enjoy the story and, again there are a lot of mistakes. And I have a good excuse! My friend rushed me! *cough*caelan*cough*. Anyways, enjoy! I think it's a quick pace book but I might be wrong. I try.

~Sam