The Mistakes I've Made

Chapter 7

              I couldn't calm down. Shit, I couldn't breath. I was trying so hard but I just couldn't. Because I know her. I know her fate. And I now know it's pointless. She's so very far gone there's no use. I shouldn't bother. I'd get attached. So why? Why can't I stop thinking about her? Worrying about her? So I cried. I cried so very much. I cried for mom. I cried for me. But I manly cried for her. Because she's more. She's so much more. But how would I know that? Why do I care so much? And it hit me. I found her for a reason. It doesn't matter she red. I am too. And you know what? If she goes I go to. Because I understand now. I know. And I always understand. And I need her. Just like she needs me. But I don't think she knows that yet. And I could be wrong. So I got up. I didn't answer my moms questions as I got dressed or after I was done. And, eventually, she stopped asking. I was confused. I was broken. So when we reached the school, I sat there, staring. Mom let's out a sigh before starting. "Are you going to tell me what happened? What was Your nightmare about?" Finally, I gave in. I had to tell her because I couldn't give her anymore, unneeded stress. "I watched she kill herself." I whispered to the window. Silence. I look over to realize she's staring at me, terrified. "Who?" She finally asked. I shouldn't be telling her this.she does t like my 'gift' anymore than I do, and she hates it when I have to watch people go. "My new friend." I say finally opening the door and getting out. "I love you mom. Please take your medicine. I'll see you later." Shutting the door, I turn around and walk into the school. For the first time, the place was packed as I walk in, and there was actually more green than red this time. And I was thankful. But I need to find someone. I need to find her.looking around I walk down the hall. Up and down, up and down. Nowhere. Giving up, I go to my locker and put my bag up.turning I walk to my first hour, and walking into the room, I see her. In the back of the class reading. Finally. Walking up, I take the seat next to her and grab my book. I wish I could say I ignored her. I minded my own business. But, of course, I didn't. I was intrigued, by the fact that she reads. And looking over I was actually able to make out a paragraph.

You feel like invisible parts of your body are attached to them through some sorts of connections that you can't see but you feel them in your blood, as if the walls of your veins fused with theirs, so imagine how much it hurts when they decide to leave.

I look up from the book to realize she's glaring straight at me. "Do you mind?" She snaps. At least she isn't ignoring me. Although she doesn't know I know she's depressed. So I guess I'm just paranoid. And that thought relaxed me. "No not really." I reply with a smile. Rolling her eyes, she goes back to reading. Right as I open my mouth to say something, the teacher begins calling attendance. So I get out a piece of paper and my pencil.

I think we should hang out after school.

Placing the note on her desk, I quickly open my book. Out of the corner of my eye I see her look at me confused as she picks up the note. Then... wait... is her face red? I know for sure that Isn't the outline. What did I do? Picking up her pencil she writes a short response before passing it back. Eagerly picking it up I read it.

No.

What?

Why?

Passing it back when she reads it, but this time when she looks up I pout. Sad, I know, but I want to help her. Which means she has to let me. Likely-less of that? Very low.

Because weirdo. Haven't you ever heard of stranger danger? Or murderer?

Ok I laughed at that. Silently that is. "Makayla Harmen?" I look up at the teacher then around the room. "Here." Says a familiar voice next to me. Huh. So her last name is Harmen. Writing down my response, I pass the note to her again.

Wow miss. Harmen. That's just cold. Seriously though, you should come over.

I will not give up. Reading it she laughs then frowns. She places the tip of her pencil against the paper but doesn't write anything. After a few seconds she writes her response. She angrily passes it back then starts reading again.

Why? Why do you insist on hanging out with me? It makes no sense. Oh and don't call me 'miss, Harmen'. Or else I'll stab you.

I wanted to laugh at the last part, but I was mad. Why is she so confused? That doesn't make sense.

Because dork. Your my friend. And why would you possibly stab me? I made you laugh.

Passing it back she looks more confused that never. She looked at me and simply mouths, 'were friends?' Ok. Ouch. Nodding, I mouth back a yes. Looking back down, she picks up the paper and flips it over, writing something. Passing it over I, of course, read it.

Whatever. Meet me on the side walk after school. Jerk.

Ok, I admit it. I smiled a really goofy grin. But hey, I made a friend! Success! With that our conversation was over and we listened to an old mrs. muschka ramble on about literature. When the bell rang I moved to my next class. I was exited. I've never really had a friend over. Moms gonna be happy. And maybe, I'll get her to open up to me. Although it's very unlikely. I swear shes made out of bricks. Soon enough- not really, it took forever- school was over and I was heading for the sidewalk. As I was walking I looked for her, and when I finally spotted her I stopped. She wasn't alone. Around her was a group of girls laughing, and looking at her. Confusion and anger filled me. Walking closer I hear their snobby laughs. Jesus they sound like their crying. Moving closer again I can hear what, I'm assuming is the 'clique leader', talking. "...and honestly, why are you even here? What did I tell you goth girl? Stay. Off. My. Sidewalk." I don't know what happened to me, it was like a switch in my brain switched on and I went from afraid all the time to protective. Walking up, I step between Makayla and the girl now in her face, seemingly how she was in Makayla's. "You better back up right now." I say angrily. She doesn't deserve this. "Excuse me? Who do you think you are?" Jesus I hate her voice. "I'm her friend now go away." I reply. She lets out a laugh, and I wasn't sure if I should ask her if she's ok or not, but she sounded like she was choking. "Friend? Oh, that's hilarious! You didn't tell me you had friends!" She said to Makayla. Breath. Out of nowhere I feel a tug on my hand and I turn to see it's Makayla. Nodding down the sidewalk I realize she wants to leave. Nodding I turn and we start to walk away. Key word; start. While we were walking queen b, steps in front of us. "Where do you think your going? I want to hear all about your friend!" Her group laughs and Makayla clenches her fists. "Move." I command stepping forward. Looking back at me she cocks her head to the side and smiles. "No. I don't think I will." Stepping forward again Makayla speaks. "Don't even bother Joseph. It doesn't matter. I don't care." Looking back she give me a small smile. And it's...exhausted. But not in a peaceful way like, in my dream. No this is sad. Lonely...numb. And in exactable. And then, I had an idea. Grabbing my lunch, (spaghetti), I tell her it's not. Then I spill it all over the queen bs head, grab Makayla's hand, and run down the side walk both laughing at her bewildered expression.

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Authors note:

       Hiya!

      Ok, so yes I know I technically supposed to put (A/N). But I like authors note. It makes me feel special. Anyways....... so I also was approached with another question, and that is why is it one big paragraph. Which is easy to answer, I'm lazy, and when I write I kinda don't pay attention to it. I try and put my thoughts down before I lose them, which also causes all of my mistakes. So, I hope that answers some of your guys questions like it did my friends, so with that said, enjoy and Stay Alive Friends |-\

~Sam