A holiday for redemption 2

concerns and duties

James surveyed the mess in the kitchen. He drank his tea and blew his nose.
  There were about six bottles of alcohol on the counter. All at varying heights of use.
  He ignored his desire to drink and set down his tea. He opened each bottle and poured it down the sink.
  He was pissed; at himself and at Jan.

James lay on the couch. He sneezed a few  times before coughing. He was miserable and a little cold.
He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing through his mouth.
 
Jan entered the living room tentatively. She wasn't ready to face him but she was hungry and thirsty.
She moved towards the couch. He lay there asleep.
  She had an overwhelming urge to touch him. His breathing was a little laboured from the congestion in his chest.
  She stepped away from him and entered the kitchen. She gulped down some water and then worked on getting some food in her system.
  She made a simple sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes and bacon. Then she sat down to eat at the kitchen island.
  She could see him from the kitchen. And she could hear his snores.
  She chewed slowly, trying to make sense of her current predicament. She felt horrible. Both physically and emotionally.
  Her chest was heavy from all the crying she'd done and she was nauseous.
  She surveyed the kitchen. The bottles she'd left on the counter were nowhere in sight. She felt a pang of panic before she realized that all the bottles were in the trash.
 
He'd emptied every last one of them. At first she felt angry , but then she was kind of relieved. She didn't want him to start drinking again.
She felt guilt well up inside her. She'd been bad. She'd allowed her emotions to take precedence over her common sense.
  Grief that she hadn't dealt with properly had overwhelmed her and she'd made a bad decision.
And yet, he was still there. He didn't leave and he'd prevented her from being more destructive; to him and to herself.
She ate her sandwich slowly, nausea threatening . He was still asleep and she figured he'd be asleep for a while.
  It was about 3 in the afternoon. She felt like waking him but she was exhausted also.
  She finished her sandwich and sat in the chair opposite to him.
She laid across it and watched him sleep.

James wondered when it had gotten so dark. He'd fallen asleep. He coughed and sat up.
Jan turned her head to look at him. She'd taken a bath and changed into clean clothes.
  "Hi."
"Hi."
When she didn't say anything more, he sat up completely. She lay in the chair opposite the couch he'd fallen asleep on.

The silence stretched. Jan looked down at her hands. She'd been wringing them in her lap.

"I'm sorry." She finally said. He blinked, not be expecting that particular statement.
"Why?" James asked after the silence stretched out again.
She looked up at him with sad eyes. Her usual frown lost in down turned eyes. He didn't like that look. He would have rather that she frowned instead.
  She took a breath. "I'm sorry for the way I acted yesterday or was it this morning."
  She frowned and he had to hide his smile. "That's ok."
He got up and scooted her aside so he could sit next to her. It was a tight fit so he brought her on to his lap instead.
He kissed her cheek before hugging him to her. She hugged him back, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He basked in that coconut oil scent he'd grown so fond of.
  "I'm sorry too. I should have told you that Stella and I spoke a lot." He touched her cheek. "I should have come sooner but I wasn't ready. I was still a drunk and I needed to get sober. You deserved better than a drunk."
  She turned to straddle his lap. She'd been sitting sideways. She looked at him. He still looked sickly and his voice was hoarse from the flu.
  She touched his face and kissed his cheek, before getting off him. At first he held on to her waist but he let her go when she explained that she was making him some medicine.

There was only so much one woman could take. He'd forgiven her... Just like that. Even when she'd acted like a fool with no sense. He hadn't raised his voice or accuse her of being a fool like he'd done before.
  Jan was so confused. Her experience with men was limited but she was sure that some men didn't tolerate foolishness or suffer fools lightly. And she'd been a fool.
Her head still ached but she'd made a commitment to making sure he got better.
  She set the tea on the stove and tried to ignore the eyes boring into her head. She knew he watched her. That he was scrutinizing her every move while he sat in that chair.
 
James stared. He couldn't help it. She was wearing shorts that barely covered her butt and a tank top that showed off some of her scars.
He wanted to laugh but he figured that it would be in poor taste. She was comfortable with him.
  He'd never seen the woman wear anything without sleeves and yet she'd let her guard down.
  And she'd apologized. Not a winded apology but a real one. Did she even realize how in love he was right now.
If he wasn't so sick, he'd have kissed her by now. He was already thinking of names for their first child. He could see their future. No matter what , he'd get her because even though she was fighting it, he knew she loved him too.