Sometimes We Fall... (Brustoff)

1. Me and my daily fucking mess

1. Me and my daily fucking mess...

A few months earlier...

"Fuuuuuuck", Denis moaned and sank onto the sofa in the backstage area. James and Cameron entered the room. Both looked exhausted but fucking happy.
"Fuck Denis...This was...intense."
The black haired vocalist nodded: "Fuck yeah."
He closed his eyes and sighed happily. Sam entered the room followed by Ben, which was obvious by his loud and shameless singing. He discovered Denis laying on the sofa and grinned: "Look at this machine, laying on the sofa like a lazy jerk...Get up you beast we're going. The lads are waiting."

Denis moaned: "Uhrg...fuck you. I'm not going anywhere."
Ben laughed: "Oh come on! Go take a shower and you will feel better. You deserve a little party after that insane performance."
"I deserve some sleep."
Ben rolled his eyes: "Well then...You just chose the hard way."
He wrapped his arms around Denis.
"Nooooo...Ben! Stop! Now!"

Denis tried to get Ben off himself, but he didn't have any energy left.

"Ben get off me! Let me go. I'm too heavy!", the vocalist shouted.
Ben laughed: "Heavy? Are you kidding? You're a lightweight."

Ben carried Denis over his shoulder, until he arrived at the bus. Ben let him finally off, when he opened the tour bus.

"Hurry up! Get changed! We want to go", he said and closed the door. Denis just stood there and stared at the closed door. He sighed offended and turned away. He crawled in his bunk immediately without changing his clothes or showering. He was too tired for anything. Especially, for going out, get drunk and watch the others flirt with any girls. He wanted to throw up just by thinking of it. He couldn't stop the others, but he wouldn't join. He wouldn't do this to himself. Not today. He still had enough from the last time. He closed his eyes. All he wanted was getting some fucking rest. But as soon as he closed his eyes, they were back... All the thoughts he tried to forget, all his demons he couldn't chase away. He wrapped his arms around his own body and tried not to think about it. He tried to think about the show. How amazing it had been. How amazing the crowd had been, how nice the fans he met in the Meet & Greet. He tried to focus on that. But there was always this voice. This face. This beautiful, perfect face he could not forget, because it was around him every fucking day. Because he did not want to forget it. The door opened and someone entered the bus. Denis didn't move and pretended to sleep. Maybe Ben would just leave and go with the others. Denis heard footsteps coming straight to his bunk. Then he heard an amused sigh: "Oh Den. You deserve it."
Denis felt that Ben covered him with the blanket, what made him smile a little.
"Sleep well, you beast."
Denis heard how Ben left the bus, and then he was on his own again, laying in deep silence. Silence...His worst enemy...

~~~

Denis woke up by the loud noise his band mates made.
"Thanks guys...", Denis whispered ironically and pushed away the blanket. He felt terrible. He had an insane headache and just felt sick. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. Maybe if he would turn around and close his eyes, he would fall asleep again. But some ignorant, selfish bastard pulled away the curtains of his bunk and yelled: "Get the fuck up sleeping beauty! You slept for nearly ten hours now. We want to have breakfast somewhere."
Denis threw his pillow at James.
"Fuck you! Go have breakfast without me. Leave me alone!"

The pillow hit James right in the face. He stared at Denis in shock.
"Hey mate...you're okay?", he asked with a concerned expression on his face.

"I'm fine! Now fuck off!"
James pulled back the curtains of Denis' bunk angrily and left him alone. Denis felt bad immediately. He didn't want to yell at his friend. He didn't want to make him upset. He was just so... messed up. He fucked it up... He wanted to apologize, but when he crawled out of his bunk everyone was gone. Well...at least no one who can insult me about yelling at one of my friends. Denis looked through the window. The bus was parking on a big parking lot. He rubbed his eyes once more and yawned. Ten hours of sleep...well to that... Denis rolled his eyes. He fell asleep just in the early morning, after the boys had come back and went to sleep. Fuck... He could swear his headache was worse than everyone else's. He found painkillers on the table and took two of them, swallowed them down with a whole bottle of water.
"Fuck", he whispered. He felt dirty. He was still wearing his clothes from the show yesterday. Disgusting. He got off his clothes and entered the bathroom. It was time for a really hot shower. He felt better after he took a shower. But even the hottest water couldn't wash away every dirt. Denis stared at the mirror. The person who stared right back at him looked so done. Dark shadows under the eyes, his skin was a shade of unhealthy grey and his cheeks sank deeper day by day. He literally looked terrible. He hid his face in his hands.
"What is this? What am I doing?"