Sometimes We Fall... (Brustoff)

10. Everything... just because of you...

Guuuuuuuys... LAST CHAPTER...
I don't no wether to cry or be happy... 
Thank you all for making it so far :) Thanks for voting, reading and all that stuff! It really means the world! :)♥ ♥ ♥ I hope that this won't be the only story I upload :)

Enjoy the last chapter of this story. Until the next time :) 

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10. Everything...just because of you...

Denis was in love with one of his closest friends. When he had realized that, he had been afraid. Denis always had known 'straight' was not the best word to describe him. It never had been a problem until he had fallen for Benjamin Paul Bruce, one of his best friends. He had been afraid... Of getting rejected. At the beginning it had been...exciting? It had felt so right. But at the time Denis had had to realize that Ben never would want him, that he would never be more to Ben than a good friend. It had broken Denis' heart, seeing Ben being not interested in him, in the way he wanted him to. Denis had started to doubt himself, he had started questioning, if he simply was not good enough. He had lost control over everything. Denis had started to feel uncomfortable in his own fucking skin, so he had thrown up after every meal. It had felt like the solution. For a while...
Denis looked in the mirror skeptical. When he looked at his own reflection now, it felt like he would see an old friend again. He looked at the person in the mirror, traced every line of that person, watched every expression. What he saw, was a person who had been missing for far too long. The person had clearly changed, but it was him, Denis, again. The Denis he had lost a long time ago. He took a deep breath and grabbed his bag. He left the room and walked down the stairs of this building for the last time. He crossed the entrance hall for the last time, and he stopped in front of Yulia for the last time.
"Oh, I was waiting for you."
Denis gave her a polite smile: "Oh really?"
The red haired woman behind the counter nodded smiling: "Yeah, here are some papers waiting to get signed by you."
Denis couldn't hold back a wide grin: "Well then. I can't wait to do them this favor."

The red haired woman laughed and handed him the papers and a pen. She watched him reading the papers and signing them concentrated.
"That was the last one."
Denis handed Yulia the papers and smiled. Yulia checked the papers and nodded: "Okay, looks good."
She looked up and smiled at Denis: "You're free to go now."
Denis smiled wide.
"Someone's really happy, huh?", she winked at him.
Denis laughed: "Yeah. I'm not gonna miss this. Don't take it personal."
She laughed: "I never do."
Denis turned around, laughing and left the building. He took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet, fresh air. He crossed the parking lot of the rehab clinic and left it's compound without looking back a single time.

The laughter of the five men echoed over the whole parking lot. They were on their way back to the tour bus.
"Oh come on, you fucked it up. Admit it Ben!"
The curly haired man laughed: "Shut up Danny! I was the best! I always am."
It felt like a knife in Denis' chest when Ben said Danny's name. Denis took a deep breath. It's your own fault! Don't fucking complain! Denis heartbeat was out of control and his breathing got heavier. Come on Denis! It's now or never! Denis stepped out of the shadows looking after the five laughing men. He took a deep breath. You can do it!
"Ben!"
His voice echoed over the whole parking lot.
"Cam! James! Sam!"

When Ben heard that voice echoing over the whole compound, his body froze and his heart skipped a beat. He closed his eyes. Ben knew that voice. Of course he did. It had been sending chills down his spine for a long time. It had released butterflies in his stomach. Fuck! It still did! Ben was the last one who turned around to face the black haired man behind them. Denis' black hair was messy. Ben could tell even in the darkness. And he could see something else... something changed. Denis bit his bottom lip shyly. Sam, Danny, James, Ben and Cameron stared at Denis, who just stood there biting his bottom lip and playing with the edge of his jacket.
"What the fuck are you doing here?", Sam asked. He sounded angrier than he wanted to, but he couldn't care less. Suddenly all the pain, all the concern turned into anger.
"I'm... I'm here to say sorry, I guess."
"Sorry?"
Denis closed his eyes.
"Sorry?! You came here to say fucking sorry? Are you serious?"
"Ben..."
"Don't! Shut up! Can you even imagine what it felt like?"
Ben didn't want to yell at Denis, he knew it was wrong. He didn't know in what state Denis was mentally, he was fully aware that yelling at him could be a huge mistake. But right know everything wanted to break out! The anger, the disappointment, the concern. Everything.
"Can you imagine what it felt like being left in the darkness? Can you understand what you put me through? Fuck off Denis! You can't! You have no idea what you did to me... to us! We were scared as fuck Denis. We didn't know how you were, where you were! Fuck Denis, we didn't even know if you were still alive!"
Ben wanted to take those words back, but he was so angry. He tried to hide the tears that wanted to slip out, at his hardest.
"I didn't mean to..."
"Shut up! I don't want your apology! I want a fucking reason. Why Denis? Why did you stop... why..."
Ben's voice cracked down. Denis opened his eyes and saw the tears on Ben's face, which he couldn't hold back any longer. Denis stared at Ben in shock: "Ben... No... Please... Don't."
He took and step forward, but he stopped himself. He had to fight the tears himself and all he wanted to do, was taking Ben in his arms and never let him go.
"Ben please. I'm not worth you tears."
"Answer the question! Why?"
"I didn't want to lie anymore. And I was too afraid to tell you guys the truth. I was not fine. I was not alright. Never. I just... couldn't stop lying because... it was so much easier. I know it was wrong. I know I was a coward. I didn't come for forgiveness. I came for..."
They all stared at Denis struggling to find the right words. There were no right words. Just the painful truth.
"I came to say the truth. At least a single fucking time. I fucked it up. I let you down. I wasn't able to care about anything but myself. I had to fix myself first. But I know leaving without saying a word... without explaining was wrong. I... I'm an asshole. I'm an ignorant, selfish, messed up bastard. I know. You don't need to forgive me. None of you. I just..."
"You should go."
Now it was Cam who raised his voice: "Shut the fuck up Danny! Stay out of this. You're not much better. And look where we are now!"
Cam looked at Denis: "We all know that you needed to fix up your life first but... Fuck, Denis we were scared. And it hurt like hell that you just left without a word."
Denis nodded: "All I can do is apologize. But I know it's not enough."
Sam sighed: "Maybe for now. Maybe we just need some more time."
James, Cameron, Sam and even Ben nodded. It was an open wound right now. Maybe it just needed some more time to heal. Maybe it would be enough someday. Danny was the first one turning around, leaving. James, Sam and Cameron followed. Only Ben hesitated.
"You look better now. Healthier."
Denis swallowed hard: "I was in rehab for a few months."
Ben's eyes went wide: "Is that why..."
Denis shook his head: "No. When I saw you in this livestream, explaining why I... I saw the pain and the disappointment I put you through, and... it killed me. I realized I have to change something."
Ben didn't know why, but he felt the need to hug the black haired guy in front of him. He felt the need to touch him. Everywhere. He felt the same old tickle all over his body. Denis continued: "I realized that I am the problem. Not the voice, not... you... It was me. All the time."
Ben took a shy step forward: "Why me?"
Ben was afraid, that he would already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it. He took another step forward until he was so close to Denis that he could feel his breath on his face.
"Ben", Denis whispered: "Don't you know? Please... I know I hurt you but please don't do this."
"Do what?"
Givie me hope.
"Why are you still here Ben?"
Why was he still here? Ben didn't know. It just felt like he couldn't leave Denis. No matter how angry, how disappointed he was, he couldn't leave him. He just got him back and Ben still needed him. After all this time.
"Because... Denis I need you. I'm still angry but I know I shouldn't be... Because it's my fault too. I was so stupid Denis. I was just so scared."
"I'm sorry."
Silence. They just stood there staring at each other. Denis was the first one turning away his face and staring on his feet: "You know... I did this for you. Not responding. So you don't have to hear my lies anymore, because you don't deserve lies. And rehab... I did it for you. I did it for you, so you don't have to lose me again. Because I promised and... because you mean the world to me."
"For me?"
"I dragged you through hell, but yeah... for you. Because I love you Ben. I was in love with you."
Ben's eyes were closed, so he didn't saw the tears, that streamed down Denis' cheeks.
"I still am", Denis whispered.
Ben squeezed his eyes shut: "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was afraid. I thought I wouldn't be good..."
Denis got cut off by Ben's warm lips. It was just a sweet, little peck but it stopped the time for a moment. The two men stood there, their noses where almost touching, and they both breathed a little heavier than normal.
"I'm in love with you, Denis. And it's me who should be sorry, about what I put you through. I was blind and stupid and..."
"You're in love with me?"
Ben opened his eyes, and they met Denis' beautiful brown ones. Hope was sparkling in them. Ben nodded: "Yes, I am. And I can't understand why you ever thought you would not be good enough Denis. You are perfect."