"I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness" - Charles and Erik AU - REWRITING

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UPDATED July, 2018

READ THIS: In my country we talk this weird language: Portuguese. So if I wrote something wrong you can feel free to tell me :) and I'm obviously sorry for it.

Charles' house is so big. To be honest I'm not sure how I got here, but lately every time I go out for a run I find myself in this old place. I'm constantly thinking about my actions: how can I fucking help the man who I stole everything from? Over and over again. Charles gave me a home. He promised me that everything could be alright if I made the right choices. I was a lab rat. Nobody was worried if I was hungry, if I didn't sleep for days or if I just needed some clothes because it was too cold outside. I could die, but for some reason I did survive. One last oportunity to do the right thing and I took that as an excuse to revenge everything that happened to me.

I was looking into his door. Hopefully one day I will be brave enough and open it . I'm always looking to that stupid door and I always walk away trying to forget that moment of weakness. The moment that I couldn't be strong enough and finally see Charles. My body was ready to leave that place one more time - when, unfortunately, someone left the house. He looked at me. For one moment part of me wanted to tell him how sorry I am. Beg him to give me one more opportunity to show that I can change. All I need is someone's trust. I was trying to say to him some nice thing to show how different I am now. But I didn't.

"Never looked better, man."

He just takes his blue form and pulls my left arm. He puts me against a white and cold wall trying to make me scared, but I knew him. Hank is an angel with a broken heart. Maybe this time he didn't look like Hank. When he takes this form, he acts like a badass monster. I like this Hank, but the other one incredible. The one that I met. Hank didn't have self-confidence even with all his awards and the endless list of people who wanted him working in their labs. Raven was the only human alive who made Hank believe in his capabilities.

Guess what. I stole that from him.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He screamed at me.

"Hank, it's ok. I just want to see Charles. Just one conversation and I will leave again."

"You can leave NOW. I won't let you walk into that house."

"Hank, let me go. I just need 5 minutes with Charles. Jesus, just 5 minutes."

"NEVER!"

Now I was scared, his voice was way to strong for my ears. I looked at him and I was sure of one thing: he was completely lost without Raven.
The innocent Hank wasn't the same anymore.

"Hank put him down immediately."

I could find an accent in that order. It was him. I knew it. I looked into his eyes. He looked exactly like the last time I saw him. Ok, mayne he has a different hair-cut.

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I know that he is trying to act like I'm not here. Pretending that this is just another ordinary day. And I know where is he going too. He wants to talk to me in the same place where I told him that "peace wasn't an option", maybe Charles is trying to make me feel bad. No, he is not that kind of person. He never was. He is better than that. I looked at the mirror at the living room. I look like the same outside, but inside I'm just a mess. My heart is a mess. What do I need? Love? Friendship? Power? Honestly I'm expecting Charles to answer my questions.
Charles is always there for me and I couldn't be there for him in the last couple of years.

"Why did you come, Erik? Don't waste my time."

He was aggressive but I decided to ignore that. I almost killed him, I can (unfortunately) understand why he is acting like this.

"Charles, I'm scared... Alright? I know how many people I will hurt in the future. I don't wanna be that guy. Put me in some safe place and teach me how to be...Well...Good (?)"

"Erik I tried it before and all you did was revenge every single thing that happened to you and put a fucking bullet on my ass! How can I trust you? Look what you did to Raven, my Raven."

"Your Raven? She is what she is because she wants to. All I did was show her a way."

Charles gave me that look... The same look that he gave me at the beach in Cuba, when I blamed him for the death of our team, in the airplane and, finally, the same look that he gave me minutes ago, when he saw me after 5 months. I can read "you suck" in his blue eyes. He is not lying.

"My Raven" "My Raven" "My Raven" There she is! The fucking voice reminding me of my worst mistake. He now loved Raven because I wasn't there for him as I told you before. If I was a good man, Charles could love me... Well, maybe.

"GIVE HER A WAY? A WAY? You just said a WAY (?)! You teached her how to use a gun and then BAM she killed a man who changed the fucking future. SHE IS THE REASON THAT MADE WOLVERINE ASK FOR OUR HELP. And you call it a way?"

I could cry right know. Charles looked so different on that moment, but Magneto doesn't cry, he is strong enough to handle this situation. Well, at least he was. If I didn't tell Charles my feelings about him it's obviously because of this "magneto persona" he can't know about my weakness. When I wear Magneto's uniform I feel like I'm the most powerful mutant in the world. Maybe that is my biggest problem.

"Raven is strong. You grown up with her, you probably know that too. She didn't kill that man, maybe in a different time (or life) she would just put a bullet in his brain and walk away trying to look like innocent, but she didn't. She lived with you. She will always find a way to make the right choices, but I won't. I need you, she doesn't. Yes I gave her a way, now she is stronger and she fights for what she believes in, isn't that good?"

He rolled his eyes, but I don't need to be a telepath to know that he agrees with me. He knows that I'm right.

"I'm listening! What do you want?"

I sat in one of the two chairs that Charles has in that living room and I finally found strenght to look at his eyes. He is lost. I made him lose himself. Charles looks like he doesn't sleep for days. I bet that Raven is the reason why. "Get over it Erik! He won't love you." Fuck it.

"Charles, give me a second chance. If everything goes wrong you can use your mutation and make me change my ideas of everything if you want to. Just let me live with you. I'm not expecting you to forgive me. Give me a home and something to believe in. Help me find myself one last time. What do you say, Charles?"