Perception

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All that met her eyes was the color blue. It was electric and crackling, perfect and alluring. The vibrant hue enveloped her, she was lost in it, buried. She felt a sensation of raw power, like she was exposed to something dangerous, but she belonged in it. This force was hers, and hers only.

She stretched and smiled, feeling awakened and alert, the color's coolness caressing her skin. In some places, it was a light, thin hue like the sky. To her left was a blotch of deep navy. Flecks of royal blue hovered in front of her gaze. All memories of the outside world were an unimportant haze, locked in a box and stored neatly a closet in the back of her mind.

But, in real life, there was nothing great about it, nothing grand. Just an illusion her sick mind forced her into. Jeanine didn't know what was wrong with her head. She let her parents deal with the doctors, decked in sterile white and sporting standard concerned expressions. There were complicated words, the titles of various diseases and mental illnesses. There were strange tests that involved a needle puncturing her skin and sticky electrodes and falling into a trance with many different hallucinations, some similar to her own. Nothing about it was any more than a routine. Jeanine was used to them. Doctors had been testing her for her whole life of 15 years. No answers yet.

Suddenly the color began to fade. Images began to develop around her and a sense of dread plunged into her stomach. Panic fluttered in her chest.

But she knew the drill by now. The sense of superiority would evaporate, and reality would roll its eyes at her as the truth slammed into her ravaged mind- she was nothing but a sick girl. The hallucinations gave her no power, they were a setback. She steeled herself and held her breath. In a few moments, the blue was gone and she was back in the real world. Heat pricking her cheeks and onslaughts of the squirming discomfort that comes with humiliation rolling through her body, she looked around.

She was standing in the hallway, at school. Students, scattered around in small groups, pointed and whispered, staring. Jeanine knew what she looked like during trances- standing still, frozen in place, her face void of emotion of thought. Completely closed off from the world.

A couple concerned looking teachers, the guidance counselor, and the nurse stood before her, and instantly began to pester her with questions which she ignored. Waves of self consciousness literally seemed to be crushing her physical being. Some students were shaking their heads and walking away. Jeanine did not make eye contact with any of them. Her books were clutched in her arms, in fact, they were locked in a death grip. She picked up a snippet of a conversation- "frozen, like a statue... Doesn't look natural."

Suddenly Cerulean appeared behind her. "You were out for forty- seven minutes. You missed 3rd period." Then she turned to the adults. "She'll be fine. Can I walk her to class?" A few of the teachers leapt into action, beginning to snap at all the spectating students, telling them to get to class.

"Jeanine, this was your fourth... trance... this week," reported the nurse. Something in her face looked agitated. Jeanine sucked in a deep breath, trying to clear her mind of all the heavy emotions. Why did she have to inconvenience everyone? Why did she have to be such a freak?

"Well, they have all remained under an hour, so that's good. Some last up to two, and that hasn't happened in a while," said Cerulean quickly. "So you're doing good."

The nurse ignored her. "Are you okay? Would you like to come to my office?"

Jeanine shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but having nothing to say.

"Come on, Jeanine." Cerulean hurried her away.

Once they were out of earshot, Jeanine was suddenly overcome with disappointment. She wanted to pour it out, but Cerulean had heard it all before- the embarrassment, the guilt... And the questions of course. 'What's wrong with my head?' 'Why can't I just be normal?' 'Why are you even friends with me? Isn't it humiliating?'

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