I Wish

I Missed You

I see Mac's eyes flash when I smile at Bozer:  he's jealous.  I want to run to him and let him swing me around like he used to when we would meet up over the weekend.  I don't want to mess anything up, though.  I'm not sure where we stand.  After Bozer shows me around the lab, my new friend Riley comes into the room.  

"So, you guys know each other?" she wonders.

"We knew each other in high school," I clarify for her, "I was new as a freshman and Mac was the first person to be sweet to me.  Then he introduced me to Bozer, and the three of us were really close for those four years."

I remember how Mac and I were going to go to college together until MIT rejected me, but I keep that to myself.  The look on Mac's face says that he's thinking of the same thing.  I'm surprised by how well I can still read him.  He was always one of my favorite books, and I realize that he still is.  

I look over at Riley who has her arm around my shoulders.  She's looking at Mac like she's trying to figure something out.  

As I'm trying to read Riley's expression, my legs decide to give out from under me. Riley catches me, but I see Mac start towards me. He runs his hand through his hair after I'm settled back into my own weight. I can see how frustrated he is. I just hope that I haven't already done something wrong. The four of us stand in an awkward silence for a few seconds before Bozer invites me over.

"Hey, Izzy why don't you come hang out with us after work? We just hang around a campfire with a few drinks."

"Where is it?" I ask as I try to mask the excitement in my voice.

"It's at Mac and my house," he informs me.

I nod eagerly, for I'm really happy that we'll get a chance to hang out for a little bit. I turn around at the footsteps coming from the doorway to see Jack "sneaking" into the lab. I laugh out loud.

"What? I didn't want to interrupt anything," he drawls with a quick glance over my shoulder at Mac.

The blonde looks beyond annoyed with Jack's comment, yet it doesn't color his voice at all as he invites Jack over after work. Jack seems excited, but I sense something deeper underneath the excitement. We head back upstairs to see Matty although Jack pulls Mac aside to talk to him. I'm not eavesdropping, but I wish that I could hear the conversation.

I hope that he is not angry at me. I just got him back, and I don't want to lose him again. I can feel my breath catch in my throat as I remember all of the goodbyes we had shared, and I thought of how scared and angry I was when he told me that he was enlisting. I didn't want to think about losing him. I knew even then that if something were to happen to him, I would fall apart completely. He has been holding me together since we met on the first day of freshman year.

The boys catch up to us easily after their discussion, but Mac won't meet my eye. Matty officially introduces me to everyone as well as the fact that I will be working at the Phoenix Foundation. Mac's face clouds over with anger and annoyance along with something like fear.

After work, Riley offers me a ride to Mac and Bozer's house. In the car, she asks me how Mac and I met. I dodge it by reminding her that we already discussed it.

"Well, at least tell me about how you met," she demands.

"I was new to the high school, and it just so happened that the desk I chose was next to a very intelligent boy with blue eyes and blonde hair. He agreed to show me to the science lab after class because we both had Physics next. We spent all of our classes talking about science and our dreams for the future. Both of us wanted to get into MIT.

"We grew up together as best friends. Whenever something went wrong, we took the blame for each other. The Incident, for example, that was completely my idea, but when the fire started, I panicked. Mac took the blame, keeping Bozer and I out of it. Bozer was his "moral support", and I was only there to tell him that it was a dangerous idea. We still stick to that story after all these years.

"When we both applied to MIT, we made it a challenge to see who would get their letter first. We received them on the same day. I ran all the way to his house just as he was getting the mail. He invited me inside, and we opened the letters at the same time. Mac had a smile on his face but mine slipped as I read the words 'we regret to inform you'.  As competitive as we were, Mac didn't gloat. No, I'm not even sure that the thought had crossed his mind. Instead, he wrapped his arm around me and held me as I tried not to cry. He told me that it was perfectly fine to be upset and that he wouldn't judge me if I screamed or cried. I just sat there, all curled up against him like a child.

"After we graduated, we had to say goodbye. I knew that it wasn't forever, but I didn't want him to leave. I was scared that we would never talk to each other ever again. We did, though. We texted and called all the time. The hardest goodbye was when he came home to tell me that he was enlisting in the army. He took me out for dinner to our favorite restaurant. I thought that he just wanted to talk. He told me that he was leaving to go overseas. I was so scared and angry that he would put his life in danger like that, but he was Mac, and he knew that the the world needed to change and that he could do it. He could change the world." I cut myself short as I thought about that night.

*Flashback*

I get a call telling me to be ready to go out for dinner in half an hour. I put on my white lace crop top with a flower skirt and my favorite boots. I finish with fifteen minutes to spare, so I wait for him on the porch. I only sit out there for five minutes before his car pulls into the driveway. He's barely out of the car, but by feet are flying over the pavement. He catches me and twirls me around.

"Mac!" I squeal in delight, "You're early."

"I knew you'd be waiting for me," he smiles down at me.

I still hate that he's taller than me, but I forget to be genuinely irritated. I'm too caught up in how honest and open his smile is. We walk to dinner and back before the smile slips from his face. He tells me that he's dropping out of MIT and joining the army.  I look at him in shock. I can't put how I feel into an intelligible sentence.

I shiver although I can't tell if it is from my emotions or from the temperature outside. Mac covers me in his favorite leather jacket as we make our way down my street. He walks me to the door and turns to leave when I finally put my thoughts into words.

"Mac, please, I know you. I know that you want to do this, but I...I can't...I'll miss you. Just promise me that you won't forget me? You don't have to call, but I want you to always remember that you have someone who cares about you. You have something to live for-"

He kisses me, cutting me off. I stop breathing for a second or two.

"Do you really think that I'm ever going to forget you?" He asks in a low, rough voice.

I just shrug my shoulders, so he pulls me in close.

"This is not goodbye, do you understand? This is until we meet again. I love you, Izzy," He murmurs into my ear before I hand him his jacket and he kisses me again. It's soft and light like a butterfly, and I can feel fireworks explode through me just like the first time.

He gets in his car and drives away, leaving me under the blanket of stars. I stand on the porch, watching until I can no longer see the glow of his taillights.

*End Flashback*